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May 2019

Should i go to my best friends wedding?

Lacey, on March 8, 2019 at 9:04 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

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My best friend & I have been bff’s for over 15 years. 2.5 yrs ago I moved out of state for college, got married, got a house, and she has not been here to visit once. She has had a baby and is getting married in May.(2 months away) I am in the situation where flying back home to her wedding is putting me in a financial hard place, and also I feel as if it is just unfair. I flew back home for her baby shower, and also the birth of the baby, but she has not flown to see me once for all of my celebrations. I graduate college the weekend before her wedding and she said she can not go because she doesn’t have the money. I feel this is unfair because my equivalency ‘life goal’ to hers having a baby and getting married is me graduating college. Should I suck it up & go to the wedding? Or should I not spend the money that could be going to student loans and expenses around the house?? Also, my mother in law got us a beach house for celebration of my college graduation on the weekend of her wedding.

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14 Comments

Latest activity by MIWM, on March 13, 2019 at 9:41 PM

Dedicated September 2020
Laura · on March 8, 2019 at 9:12 PM
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If she is THAT important to you, then I wouldn't miss one of the most important days of her life. If you truly cannot afford it, then I'm sure she would understand.
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Devoted September 2019
Farrah · on March 8, 2019 at 9:33 PM
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If you already have plans that weekend and it’s not that important to you, just skip it. I understand the feeling of it being unfair and thinking your the only one putting in effort. But maybe she just can’t afford it.
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Devoted October 2019
Bridget · on March 8, 2019 at 9:39 PM
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You moved away. I know it stinks that she can’t come to your graduation but the weekend before her wedding she is going to be busy, even if she came, she’d be distracted and not with you. If it’s putting you in a financial hardship tell her you can’t go. She’ll be bummed but since that’s the reason she can’t come to your wedding she should get it.
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Super May 2019
Victoria · on March 8, 2019 at 10:12 PM
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I agree that if it’s that important to you then you should go. There are tons of things that could be going on that could make her unable to visit. I have a 1 year old and I know for sure I wouldn’t fly with a new baby, or even now that he’s older.
Im sure she’ll understand if you can’t make it, and I understand why you feel bummed that she hasn’t gone to see you, but a new baby and planning a wedding is hard.
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Master November 2016
KitandKaboodle · on March 9, 2019 at 12:09 AM
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Speaking as an outsider, and basing my opinion solely on the information you provided, your friendship with her is more important to you than her friendship with you is to her. I say don't go to her wedding and enjoy the beach house.
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VIP August 2019
Bridget · on March 9, 2019 at 12:15 AM
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I think if your questioning it and already have plans for the weekend I would skip. Just tell her that as much as you would love to be there it isn't possible financially.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on March 9, 2019 at 12:39 AM
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I’m feeling this way too. You HAVE been a good friend by going to her baby shower and being there for her baby’s birth. You gotta take care of your own finances right now. And I hope she’ll make the next trip to visit you.
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Super April 2019
Valerie · on March 9, 2019 at 3:16 AM
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So, my best friend moved across country. She would come back to this coast to see family/friends 2-3 times a year. It took me 5 years to make it out to see her. Not because I didn't value her friendship, or didn't want to go see her, or because she cared more about the friendship than me - but because it was financially really hard to find the time to put a trip together. Also, in a lot of ways, she made the decision to move that far away from everyone, so it was on her more than often to come to back to see all of our friends.
If you can't make the wedding because of finances, that is totally fine, but I wouldn't not go just because she can't make it to your graduation the weekend before her wedding. I don't think I'd be able to make it anywhere that weekend, much less a major trip.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on March 9, 2019 at 9:33 AM
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I personally have told my friends not to come to my wedding if they can't swing it. They moved away. I get that coming to my wedding is a big expense to them. It seems like you've done a lot to be there for her already. Celebrate your milestone! You can celebrate her marriage another time.
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Super December 2020
Sophie · on March 9, 2019 at 10:00 AM
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It’s the most important day of her life. It shouldn’t be a measurement or keeping track or who does more.
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Devoted December 2022
Kiyome · on March 9, 2019 at 11:25 AM
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You definitely don't have to go if you are needing to take care of yourself financially. However, I feel you shouldn't hold grudges against her for not showing up to your special occasions. Some people get super caught up in their busy lives, can be forgetful, and sometimes are going through a hard time. I have a childhood best friend who recently got married and I couldn't go to her wedding because I couldn't get work off and she was just fine with it when I explained that to her. Even if she doesn't seem to be making an effort, always be positive and don't hold it against her because it might actually be a situation she can't control 🙂
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on March 11, 2019 at 1:10 PM
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Is she doing okay financially? She may just not have time or be able to afford to fly back to you. I would assume if you don't go (especially if you choose to go on a different vacation to the beach house) the friendship will suffer.
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Just Said Yes July 2021
Katharine · on March 13, 2019 at 7:30 PM
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It sounds like it doesn't work for you financially or time-wise. And that's okay. So RSVP no. Sometimes life happens, there doesn't have to be a bad guy.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on March 13, 2019 at 9:41 PM
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It sounds to me like you answered your own question. You have a beach house the weekend of her wedding.
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