Should i go to a friends evening party, even though the only being left out

I’m not sure I understood the post. By “only invited to the evening” do you mean you are only being invited to the reception, and not the ceremony? If so, there may be a good reason for it. Perhaps her ceremony venue is small. Or maybe there are Covid restrictions in place. Or maybe either she or her groom has social anxiety or a fear of speaking in front of others, so they are wanting to keep the ceremony very small. Or maybe they are wanting to keep the ceremony strictly to those who are absolutely closest to them, and she just feels your relationship isn’t that close (which you pretty much indicated y’all aren’t that close of friends). Whatever the reason may be, it is up to you whether you would like to attend the reception. But I definitely would not judge it based on what you did at your wedding years ago. Just because you invited somebody to your event does that mean they are required to invite you to theirs, and vice versa.

View Quoted Comment Hi thanks for your advice
So it’s an invitation to the evening party only. It wouldn’t have bothered me not having an invitation at all, I think I would have preferred that to be honest. What has upset me is that I’m the only one out of the group of friends NOT invited to the whole day. One of whom doesn’t do much with the group either. It just feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth.

I totally understand feeling disappointed and left out. However, you did indicate that you weren’t that close with this girl. Weddings are expensive and people tend to want to invite only those they are closest with. And just because the other friend doesn’t do a lot with the group, it doesn’t mean she isn‘t calling, texting, etc. in private (where you can’t see/aren’t aware of) with the bride. One of my closest friends in the world I hardly ever see because of our schedules and the distance between where we live. To an outsider, it would likely seem we weren’t that close. However, we call and text each other nearly every single day. We both turn to each other first whenever we have good news, bad news, or just need advice. Just because it doesn’t appear as though this other girl is around much, doesn’t mean they aren’t close in private. Whatever the case, the bride obviously does not feel your friendship with her is as close as her friendships with the other girls in this group. And that’s ok. She obviously likes you, otherwise she would not have invited you to the…reception? after party? (i’m still not entirely clear on this lol) If you like this person and want to celebrate with her, then I would attend! If not, just politely decline. In the end, I do not think she is trying to single you out or hurt your feelings. She likely just feels that you aren’t that close, and that you feel the same way about the friendship.

Is it the ceremony and reception that you were invited to? And they’re doing additional daytime events for some?
I understand if you were only invited to the reception or after party but if you are invited to the ceremony and reception there’s nothing to be upset about. She could very well be closer with the others, or simply not the budget for more. I get feeling left out but you’re not being left out so much as they’re being more involved, if that makes sense.

I think there may be some confusion in what you mean "evening party". If you were only invited to the after party (which are typically not fully hosted) and not the ceremony or reception, just decline. I think it's not worth the time and money to go to an after party when you didn't make the cut for the ceremony or reception.

If you are invited to the reception and not the ceremony, then that's a little different. Some couples want a smaller ceremony and large reception. Fine. No biggy, but that's usually because they want 20 people max to witness it and then 100 people for the reception, or something along that ratio. I find it odd when people invite 70 to the ceremony and then add on 30 people extra for the reception.

While in this situation I know I would attend, I can't tell you what to do because I don't know exactly how you feel. Ask yourself whether or not the idea of not attending would make you feel bad/sad . Would you mind?
Inviting extra people to the reception is, from my understanding, pretty common in some european & asian countries. I know it's a thing in France.

By any chance is this wedding in the UK? It’s very common in the UK for people be invited only to the evening, which means you arrive after the wedding meal for the dancing etc. It’s not technically the “after party” as it’s still being hosted by the couple but you aren’t there for the sit down meal and speeches. There’s usually some kind of evening buffet and stuff.


I know it’s hard when you’re the only one to not be invited for the whole day but try to be happy for the couple and remember that weddings are really expensive. Try not to compare your friendships because it can only hurt you in the long run. If you want to go then you should go but if it’s traveling far or you don’t want to go then turn it down. I have many times and it’s never caused hard feelings.

It sounds like it is customary in the area or social circle to have a tiered wedding, which is seen as no gracious hosting by many people. If you are unable or unwilling to host all guests equally, don’t invite people out of obligation who aren’t “worthy or deserving” of the same level of hospitality as the VIPs. That is why it is frowned on to have private ceremony and dinner for a select few and dancing is open to everyone the couple has ever met. A lot of guests would prefer to not be invited at all than be treated as an afterthought who isn’t good enough for the ceremony and dinner. Often at the dance, the alcohol is flowing but there is no food to soak it up with, creating a bad situation of drunk sick guests.


If you don’t make the cut for the ceremony and dinner, I would decline the invitation because they don’t consider you a close enough friend to warrant a graciously hosted invitation.

Agree with Michelle here. It doesn't matter what's "customary" for certain cultures/countries-- inviting people to come and dance AFTER a reception dinner is seriously one of the rudest things anyone could do. She's basically saying "come drink and be a number for party photos, but you're not cool enough for me to pay for your dinner." I would decline the invitation, and probably start distancing myself from her.

View Quoted Comment That isn’t what she said. She just said all day vs evening. OP hasn’t responded saying what she was actually invited to - it very well could be ceremony and reception and they planned an additional daytime activity for some.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure this is very fair. All cultures and traditions are valid and rudeness is determined by social context. I don’t think it’s appropriate to judge and demean other cultures. While OP may personally be hurt by being invited to the evening, it is a very common practice in many places and is not seen as ungracious or rude. As I mentioned I have been invited as an evening guest many times as well of many of my friends and none have ever been offended by it and I’ve never started distancing myself from people for it. I am usually very grateful to be able to turn up and celebrate when I would otherwise not be invited.
I don’t think it’s right to suggest OP should distance and perhaps break up a friendship because of potential cultural differences or lack of understanding.

View Quoted Comment It’s got nothing to do cultural differences, the bride is an only child and money is not an issue. Where she is having the reception proves that. I just feels like it’s a personal dig at me because I had an argument years ago with my cousin who is friends with her and the other friends in the group. That’s what made me feel worse because my cousin became friends with her and everyone else through me! She has not been nice to me, when I tried to apologise to her free the argument years ago, she turned her back on me and walked off. My family saw this and told me not to bother with her again. So when I got married I didn’t invite my cousin. I wonder if this is why I haven’t been invited to my friends wedding. If it is then I’d rather not go to the wedding at all

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry that happened! That is very petty if this is the reason you weren’t invited for the whole day. If it really bothers you maybe you should speak to your friend, in a non-confrontational way, and try to get to the bottom of it. I think if your friend doesn’t want to discuss it with you it’ll tell you a lot about where they see the friendship going.

View Quoted Comment This boils down to Mean Girls junior high behavior that many adult women have matured beyond and do not participate in. Unfortunately some people are still stuck in that petty tit for tat mentality that is much more common in teenagers. I don’t understand why it’s allowed to keep happening as much as it does because the only intention behind it is to see how much they can hurt others around them.

Plus many people use the term “cultural differences” to justify behavior that has no basis in another culture but they are looking for a way to justify being inconsiderate and not caring whose toes they step on in the process. That is why people say X or Y is inconsiderate and unkind to guests.

Whatever relationship your cousin has with the bride has no bearing on whatever relationship you have with the bride. From reading, it sounds like when your cousin started a relationship with the bride, it made the bride hostile toward you and your family is trying to protect you from more heartbreak. I would personally not want to attend an event where I was not welcome (including being an afterthought at a dance portion) because she has made it clear where you stand with her. By inviting you to the dance only and none of the important things (ceremony and dinner) you are an obligation invite only. If she truly wants you in attendance and you have a place in her life, you would be at the ceremony and there would be no pettiness and bad blood.

View Quoted Comment While I agree that in this particular case there are many other things going on which make this situation not acceptable for OP, in general there are many cultures where it isn’t rude to invite evening guests. In your original comment you made a blanket statement that it’s rude to do a tiered wedding. In this particular case I do believe it is rude to OP that she was only invited to the evening but I don’t believe it’s fair to make a general comment like that about all cultures. That is just my opinion.

View Quoted Comment I agree! In Europe, it's actually very common to only invite closest family and friends to the ceremony. Weddings can't be officiated by anybody who's done a 30 min online course and printed themselves a certificate, legally binding civil marriages are always officiated by a civil servant, and so there are often limitations as to how many people may attend the ceremony. Similar if it's a church ceremony. Most guests only get invited to the reception, but those tend to involve food and a party afterwards and go on deep into the night. No one is offended by not being invited to the ceremony.


It's obviously a different case here with the poster, seems like a slight... But I agree that you shouldn't generalize and describe half the world as rude just because there are some traditions you don't know or understand.