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Savvy June 2016

Should i feel this way?

Weddingbelle13, on August 5, 2019 at 7:33 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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I guess I just want a place to vent because I’m feeling hurt. My husbands step brother is getting married and we’ve always had a great relationship with him. They were in college when their parents got married so weren’t like best friends or anything because they live in the south and we live in the Midwest. After they started dating him and his then girlfriend came to our city and we did the same and spent time together without the parents. We had a great time. Fast forward to now, they got engaged last fall and getting married this November. I found out by my MIL that her shower was this weekend. I didn’t get an invite or even know about it until then. Part of me feels like she didn’t want me to feel forced to travel, but the other part of me has gotten invites to many out of town events and if I can’t make it just send a gift. I also feel like my MIL should have said something to her. I’m hurt and I hate feeling like this. I can’t help but feeling left out. What do you guys think? I obviously won’t say anything because I don’t want to make this into a big deal and at the end of the days it’s their big day.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Colleen, on August 6, 2019 at 12:43 AM

Expert August 2021
Ingrid · on August 5, 2019 at 7:55 PM
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I personally wouldn't think too much into it and wouldnt let it get to me. I also wouldn't let this change your attitude towards her. It happened the way it did and that's that. If she mentions it politely say "I didn't get an invitation, sounds like a good time" I would also make sure to always send her an invitation to everything in the future.
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Savvy July 2020
Rachel · on August 5, 2019 at 8:05 PM
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Maybe she didn’t make the guest list and didn’t realize you weren’t on it until the day of. There’s a number of things that could have happened. Sorry you feel left out!
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Master October 2019
Laura · on August 5, 2019 at 8:24 PM
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You should have been invited, and you have every right to feel hurt. I would too. Hopefully it was just an oversight.
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Super July 2020
D · on August 5, 2019 at 9:07 PM
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I would have felt hurt too. I'm sorry. Try not to let it get you too down.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 5, 2019 at 9:12 PM
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I don't think she did this out of spite. It's probably more of an honest mistake. Try not to dwell on this too much!
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on August 5, 2019 at 9:21 PM
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Most showers aren't planned by the bride and invites are easily lost. I know it hurts, but try not to let it get you down too much. It's likely an oversight or something small rather than an intentional slight.
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Super October 2019
Kelly · on August 5, 2019 at 9:36 PM
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I would be hurt too. I think that it was probably an oversight. Many brides don’t plan their own bridal showers.
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VIP December 2019
Michelle · on August 5, 2019 at 9:38 PM
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She should have been invited. It wasn't an oversight. She is going to be her sister n law. How would you forget to invite the sil? And MIL didn't even mention the shower before then because she knew she wasn't invited.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on August 5, 2019 at 9:49 PM
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I have seen this happen before by the bridesmaids being reckless in the invites, writing addresses down wrong, ignoring people on lists if they don't have all the contact info, people who made a careless honest mistakr, etc. This happened at two baby showers I was knew I was going to be invited to. The most recent mom-to-be thought I ignored her invite due to my own wedding.

Until her future in-laws directly state it was intentional and their reasoning, I'd suggest giving them the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst.
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Savvy June 2016
Weddingbelle13 · on August 5, 2019 at 10:55 PM
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Thanks everyone for your opinions. I’m trying to just move on but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting. Doesn’t help that they are posting pictures today either. But, I’m going to do what I can to just not let it get to me. I want to believe it wasn’t done intentionally and probably will never know. She honestly is really sweet which is why it’s so strange and hurtful.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on August 5, 2019 at 11:06 PM
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I understand feeling hurt. It could be an oversight, as others have said, since the bride usually has little to no say in the guest list. Also, a lot of times, shower lists will exclude out of town guests. For my shower, the only out of town person invited was my husband's grandmother (and his grandparents come up to our state for the summer anyway so they just came up like 2 weeks earlier than they normally do and can't really be considered true out of town guests). The host may have looked at the guest list, saw a far away state, and moved on to the next person on the list.
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on August 6, 2019 at 12:43 AM
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I honestly did not invite anyone that lived in another state to my shower. I wanted it small. Also I did not want people to spend that much money. Well I told my sisters the invites list. Or maybe your invite got lost In the mail.
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