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Just Said Yes October 2020

Should i disinvite my sister?

Christina, on March 1, 2020 at 12:15 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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My older sister has been an issue in our family for years (most of my life, 29 yrs). She was diagnosed with bipolar in her teens and has been on and off her medication. When she's on it, there are no fights, no tension, and I feel closer than ever to her. But when she feels she's better, she thinks "I dont need it anymore " so she stops and becomes manipulative and abusive mentally to me and my mom in particular. Mostly because mom took her to the doctors when I found her cutting when I was 6 (She tells us all the time). Now I have bought a house for my parents, my fiance and I to live in and she is moving in with my cousin. She was supposed to help my mom (70 with arthritis in her back) a week before to move and toss old furniture and trash from the place they were renting together. Two days before they have to be out, she told my mom to figure it out herself and left her there without doing anything to help (I would have helped much more but complications at work would not allow me to take days off). My other siblings and I were able to help after work so my parents wouldn't loose their deposit. My fiance is very upset with her and wants to disinvite her to our wedding. I do understand and agree to a certain extent. I don't want her there out of fear she will make a scene which I don't put past her to do. But I do want her son there because we are close, but she would make him feel guilty going without her. So do I invite her and risk her making a scene or do I disinvite her and risk my nephew not coming and having issues with his mom?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Molly, on March 4, 2020 at 2:38 PM

Savvy August 2020
Alexandra · on March 1, 2020 at 1:33 PM
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As a therapist whose seen an array of different mental health issues I just wanted to share: Mental illness is exactly what it is - a mental illness that unfortunately something that they can’t always control. It’s not her fault. Stopping medication is common in those with bipolar disorder. It’s part of the symptom of feeling grandiose and everything is better. I say all of that to say that I can understand how difficult it is for everyone, but she is your sister. I don’t think you should uninvite her for something that is not always in her control. If she makes a “scene” then have someone that could be there to help her.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on March 1, 2020 at 2:18 PM
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I agree with this completely. I also think NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness; NAMI.com) is a phenomenal FREE resource, especially for the family members of those with mental illness. They offer support, education, and practical help for dealing with family members and their illness. They have a program called "Family-to-Family" which is amazing.
Good luck!
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Dedicated October 2021
Michelle · on March 1, 2020 at 3:16 PM
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1000% agree with both PP. I work in the mental health field. Bipolar disorder is difficult to manage, and it’s very common for individuals to stop taking their medication for a variety of reasons. NAMI is fantastic! I encourage you and your family to go to the support meetings so you know how to best care for yourself as well. It’s very tough and I wish you and your family the best ❤️
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 1, 2020 at 3:34 PM
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I am not a mental health expert but just in the familiar relationship side I wouldn't uninvited her just because of a personal issue. While it's your wedding and it is an important day it seems that your concerned about how she'll act and it ruining your day. I feel she'll be very hurt if she wasn't invited and the rest of the family including her son was. Ultimately this would be a touchy subject but maybe mention the issue and ask her has she gone off her meds. Sadly because of her mental illness she probably doesn't see the issue she caused. I completely understand why you and your fiance were frustrated by what she did but as a previous person said if your concern is just more so the fact that you are worried about how she will act on your wedding day then maybe ask a family member or hire someone to be there if she goes off the handle. Or while it shouldn't be his responsibility maybe ask her son to assist if there is a situation. I don't think it's fair to uninvite her because of few what-ifs of your wedding day. However is both of you guys dating you need to do what you feel is best for you two regardless of what we think.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Christina · on March 1, 2020 at 6:25 PM
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Thank you everyone so much. I've been asking advice from people in our families and wedding party. Everyone but two people are saying don't invite her, so it feels good to get the opposite answer. Especially from some in the mental field, it really does help. Anyone else with more advice, please do, but I think I will invite her. Thank you so much again.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on March 1, 2020 at 7:23 PM
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Again, especially if your families are struggling with her behavior (and potentially her diagnosis), I truly cannot say enough great things about NAMI. If nothing else, it provides a wonderful connection to others who are dealing with similar issues. Unfortunately, there is SO much stigma and misunderstanding regarding mental illness, that to be with people who understand and will talk openly about what life is like is an amazing blessing all by itself. Add on top of that actual practical help and advice about how to manage life and relationships and there just isn't a downside. Good luck to you and your family!
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 1, 2020 at 8:48 PM
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Not a problem. I am sorry for the situation and I understand how as a bride you want your day to be perfect and hopefully it will be. I would consult an expert but I am not sure if it would be bad (without mentioning the wedding) to check on her meds and asking her to start the dosage again as her actions are causing unfavorable consequences. Fingers crossed with things going well.
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VIP September 2020
Molly · on March 4, 2020 at 2:38 PM
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I have a sister who suffers from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. She takes her self off her medication all the time. I haven't told her about my wedding. One of her children, my beautiful niece, will be the flower girl at my wedding. My father has custody of my niece currently. I am not inviting my sister to my wedding as of right now. If she gets back on her meds before the wedding I might invite her but only like a week before the wedding. I would try to invite your sister and assign someone to keep an eye on her.
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