Should i create a fb group for save the date - if so , how to deal with family if i don't invite 2 of them and they said they wont come if they arent?

While I have no real suggestion on the second part (every family's dynamic is different), I would advise against a "facebook only" invite of any kind - including save the date. I would send out actual save the dates (if you want to go the electronic route, go by email, not facebook) and then in addition make a Facebook group. I have a facebook group with just my bridal party (7 of us total, including me) and it's hard enough to make sure everyone sees that. Not everyone is an AVID enough facebook user that they would see or pay attention to the details. So I would say creating the group is an ok idea, but in addition to a direct invite one way or another. It's more personal that way too.

Personally I don't really think the Facebook group is a good idea. I'd go with a wedding website instead and send an email or facebook message to everyone who is invited with the link. There are a lot of places that offer free websites. I got mine through minted and they were free, but I upgraded to have a custom domain and keep the site password protected. It was only $20 but because I paid for it they gave me a $50 credit for anything else on the site, so it was worth it.

If you do a Facebook STD you just have to make sure it is a closed group that no one can invite anyone into.

As for people not coming if those 2 aren't invited - that's on your family, not on you. You have every right to not invite people who have treated you poorly. If you're afraid your nan won't come if they aren't invited maybe have a talk with her about the reasons why you chose not to invite them. The bottom line is this is your day and you shouldn't be forced to invite people who would make it anything less than perfect just because you're afraid of other people's reactions. Anyone that doesen't come because of who is / isn't invited will have to live with the fact that they chose to miss your big day.

General rule is you never show an invitation ( or pre-invitation Save the Date) to anyone not invited. It should only be on a restricted access page of social media, where no one not invited will see it. Since who receives an invitation , and whether or not they attend, is thus a private matter between the hosts and guests, it is extremely arrogant and presumptuous for anyone else to comment on, much less insist upon, any other guests being invited or not. A big, mind your own business. They are terribly , over the top rude to try to bully or manipulate your invitation lists. Don't listen to it, and have no fear if saying, we are the hosts and choose the guest list. If you care so little about co.ing to see us get married, and celebrate afterward, that you would not come if a other guest is nit there, you probably do not care enough to bother coming anyway. They are basically saying to you, if you do not do something we want, we will make sure you suffer and are unhappy . Classic childish tantrum. Is that someone who you need to have watch you marry and celebrate, with that attitude? No. Call their bluff, but make them as guilty as possible, by saying, if you do not care about us yada yada >>> they are at fault, not you.

I would just do a paper STD. They are not at all expensive and you can do postcards to save even more. As for family deciding whether or not to come based on who else comes, that's on them. Invite them but don't try to change their minds.

Definitely don’t go the FB route with your concerns because the your family members will all be able to see who’s in the group. I’m having issues currently with my mom making me invite people I don’t want to, those people are NOT getting STDs and I’m sending their invitations two weeks later than the rest and hoping it’ll be too late for them to make travel arrangements