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Just Said Yes August 2018

Should I cancel everything and elope?

Blanca, on November 13, 2017 at 4:40 PM Posted in Planning 0 22
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Long story short: my sister and parents got into an argument back in May and haven't talked since. On Saturday, I threw FH a birthday party and invited everyone.

Dad was not happy, cussed me out and said a bunch of nasty things to me in front of all my soon to be in laws all because my sister was at the party (she did not look or speak to him)

I'm afraid that this is just a sneak peek of what is to come on my wedding day, and honestly I can't handle the thought of that. So I have been thinking about cancelling everything and eloping. I just cant imagine having spent all that money, time and effort to end in something similar. I also cant NOT invite him as it would make for a bigger show with people asking me why my father isn't at my wedding,

I would be losing about 700 in deposits and no one has made any accommodations so it should be ok. I did set the day at the church, but I would figure something out with them.

What would you guys do?

22 Comments

  • Spaghetti
    VIP November 2018
    Spaghetti ·
    • Flag

    You need to figure this out with you significant other. You have to consider their feelings and plan for a wedding that suits the two of you, not your father or anyone else.

    • Reply
  • Katie M.
    Devoted June 2019
    Katie M. ·
    • Flag

    If I were them I would hate to be the reason you would even think about canceling your wedding. Is it possible to talk to them either individually or together and explain the situation? Explain to them you do not want their differences to interfere with your wedding and you can seat them separately but would like them to try to leave their differences aside for the night?

    • Reply
  • JoRocka
    Master September 2016
    JoRocka ·
    • Flag

    It's inappropriate of him to determine who comes to your party.

    he was way out of line- not just to blow up in public about the situation- but because it is not his place to dictate who comes to your party.

    I had a knock down drag out screaming fit at my mom because I felt my dad was way over stepping his bounds. I considered cancelling.

    Fortunately- other than my wildly inappropriate drunk brother and my dad saying some douche things the night before at dinner- they managed to pull it together and behave reasonably at the wedding.

    Cancel if YOU want to cancel.

    If you want a wedding- then you have your damn wedding and you don't let douchey people ruin it for you.

    • Reply
  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
    • Flag

    I don't know how old your sister is but it sounds like all parties involved need to be the adults that they are for the wedding.

    But I second trying to talk to him about it. I don't know about your father but mine would be devastated if his grudges spilled over into my wedding day.

    • Reply
  • Gracie Lou Freebush
    VIP October 2017
    Gracie Lou Freebush ·
    • Flag

    I can speak to this issue from a very personal level because it's almost exactly what my family situation was like. Some of the people involved ended up FIGHTING at my wedding, and I was overwhelmed with drama from all sides after the wedding. If I could do it again, I would have eloped. In the end it is about marrying your FH and you don't want any negative memories associated with it like I do now. Its easy to say people should know how to behave like adults, but the truth is that they don't. This is just my two cents though.

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Savvy November 2018
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you should let their feud deprive you of having the wedding you want. If they cannot set aside their personal differences for your day, then they should not attend. I understand how emotional that decision can be, because my mother is not welcome at my wedding for reasons that are important to me. Ideally, your family should want you to have the day of your dreams and should do everything they can to support that.

    • Reply
  • PandaInLove
    Expert August 2017
    PandaInLove ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you should cancel your wedding just because of disagreements between family members. Enjoy yourself at your party! Anyone who seems to be difficult to be around does not need an invitation.

    • Reply
  • Leila
    Super October 2017
    Leila ·
    • Flag

    700 is not a lot to loose . It's worth it trying to settle things with the family first . If it's doesn't settle the eloping might give you the reduced- stress version of your wedding that you need.

    • Reply
  • Rosered
    Devoted January 2019
    Rosered ·
    • Flag

    What do you and your FH actually want? If you want the wedding you have been planning, don't let your father ruin it for you. I'm with most of the PP. Someone who curses at me for inviting my sister to a party does not deserve to be at my wedding. If you actually want a smaller wedding or elopement, then you should do that. Don't let your dad influence your wedding.

    • Reply
  • Janel
    Super September 2018
    Janel ·
    • Flag

    Well, now that he's cursed you/ said nasty things to you do you still want him there at your wedding? I'd tell my father that my sister will be at my wedding so I'll understand if he can't attend.

    • Reply
  • Constance
    VIP October 2017
    Constance ·
    • Flag

    Wow. I'd easily tell any of my parents to stuff it if they dared to cuss me out at a party I was hosting. I am curious about what thing your sister did that was so horrible. Either way, I'd tell him that he's not invited to the wedding until he assess what's more important to him - being righteous over whatever qualm he has with your sister or having a relationship with you.

    • Reply
  • Keisha
    Master September 2018
    Keisha ·
    • Flag

    Your parents can not dictate who you invite to your home. They are acting like entitled children. Your parents and your sister need to learn how to respect each other even though they are not talking. They cannot expect you to pick sides and not invite your sister. That is selfish of them to want you to destroy your relationship with her to please them. I would sit them down and calmly explain how this interaction made you feel and going forward if they want to act the same way then they are more than welcome to stay home, but you will not be excluding your sister from events.

    • Reply
  • Kristina
    Dedicated November 2019
    Kristina ·
    • Flag

    I'm dying to know what the fight was about! What does FH think and feel?

    • Reply
  • B
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Blanca ·
    • Flag

    The fight went like this: back In May (my moms bday actually) we were at their house hanging out. My mom was scrolling through her Facebook and found a picture she had posted of my sister when she was like 13 (now 29). While looking at the picture my mom says "wow why couldn't you just stay normal?" My sister laughed, thinking it was being now she has very bright hair, tattoos, etc. but then my mom continues and says "you use to be a normal size and now you're so overweight." This didn't fair too well and my sister started to go off on my mom about how shallow she is and how it has affected both of us, that is why we have such low self esteem and I developed an eating disorder (which is true, I just don't talk about it). Well my mom prompted to cry and say that it is her responsibility to give us tough love and knit pick our faults or else everyone will talk behind our backs and it didn't matter because she still became overweight anyways. My sister got very upset and left without saying goodbye. My dad walked in on my mom crying and vowed to disown my sister for doing that.

    Two weeks later she took it out on me, but I've always been more passive so just stayed quiet and took it.

    • Reply
  • Kourtney
    Beginner December 2017
    Kourtney ·
    • Flag

    Ok your mom is definitely in the wrong there. And your dad, as much as he should support your mom, is being ridiculous for blindly "disowning" her for standing up to ridiculous criticism. If you choose to not invite your parents, you 100% have a valid reason for doing so. Like PPs have said, don't let that stop you from having a wedding, and though people might ask, just say that they couldn't make it work out. I'm sorry you're dealing with the fallout OP, that is absolutely nuts

    • Reply
  • B
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Blanca ·
    • Flag

    My FH says he wants whatever makes me happy. He thinks I should wait a little before making a final decision. He's been soooooo supportive and patient with me despite all of my family's drama. I would like a nice wedding but even without them there I know I would just be thinking about it the whole time and not enjoy it.

    Part of me just wants to elope and use that money to buy a house and start a family instead of continuing to go through this crap with my parents.

    • Reply
  • golferchick
    Savvy September 2018
    golferchick ·
    • Flag

    Sorry that your dad acted that way ... pretty childish of him. If it were me, I'd tell him he could only come if he could behave and bite his tongue ... otherwise he could stay home. This day isn't about him and his feud with your sister ... it's about you and your FH.

    • Reply
  • Keisha
    Master September 2018
    Keisha ·
    • Flag

    You and your sister are not children anymore, your parents can’t say nasty shit and expect you not to have a reaction, life does not work like that. Your mom was wrong for telling your sister she was overweight. It was rude, uncalled for and hurtful. She can cry and bitch all she wants but your mom is not the victim. Her words had consequences and she felt them. Your dad thinks he is being supportive but all he is doing is enabling her nasty behavior. Don’t cancel your wedding because if this. You invite both tell them to play nice or security will remove them.

    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner May 2019
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    I understand your frustration completely. I don't get a long with certain family members of my FHs family. But I have enough respect for him and the rest of the family to keep my feelings to myself. There's a time and place for everything. You wedding inst the time or place. I would go through with the wedding. Talk to both parties and explain that it's your day and if they can put their feelings aside just for one day. And if they come and something starts ask them to leave

    • Reply
  • Padilla
    Savvy October 2017
    Padilla ·
    • Flag

    Stop thinking about their feelings. That's their issue. This is your day and if they can't be adults then they should not come. Why are you going to change your wedding plans to accommodate two people who should be there for YOU on YOUR day. Let them know too, that if they start up they will be kicked out of the weddi g and you will continue to enjoy yourself at your wedding with our them. They should be adult enough to do that. I know I sound harsh but it is YOUR day and you should be happy. That's just my opinion.

    • Reply

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