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Devoted May 2019

Should i bring my fiancé to my cousins wedding if i wasn’t given a plus one.

Meg, on April 18, 2018 at 2:20 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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My cousin that I’m very close to and his fiancé just sent out their wedding invitations. It was adressed “The *insert my last name here* family” my brothers and I are adults, but we all got one family invite which is fine, but there’s not a list of our names or any plus one lists or anything. I thought it was ettique if someone is engaged or married to invite the significant other or at least allow a plus one? They’re both invited to our wedding so shouldn’t my future husband be allowed at their wedding? My parents are obviously included in the invite since it was sent to their home which I’m looking after while my dad is getting cancer treatments. My parents won’t be there because it’s on the same day as their wedding anniversary and my mom isnt going to ditch my dad in the hospital so really there’s two extra seats my cousins accounted for so is it a big deal to ask if I can bring my fiancé? Or should I just RSVP the number of people from my family coming? I don’t know if it’s implied he’s invited or if I’m being rude to assume... help!

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Latest activity by BlushWedding, on April 18, 2018 at 8:28 PM

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Mim · on April 18, 2018 at 2:25 PM
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Just talk with your cousin
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VIP December 2018
Xandria · on April 18, 2018 at 2:25 PM
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I would call your cousin! I wouldn't say "the parents can't make it, can I bring my fiance instead" but instead ask "Hey, are you including *fiance's name* in our family invitation? I know he would love to celebrate with you! And I would like to have him there with me" or something like that, assume they're including him and then just clarify with the couple.
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VIP July 2018
Pegs · on April 18, 2018 at 2:26 PM
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Personally, if I were very close to my cousin, I would straight up ask them if it's okay to bring them since my parents aren't coming. It is pretty strange that they didn't invite your fiance, especially if they knew you were engaged.
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Expert May 2018
Mrs J · on April 18, 2018 at 2:26 PM
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If you're close with this cousin, I'd recommend picking up the phone and calling to ask. Don't assume that you can invite your fiance, as it may be a numbers thing (even if it's not typical etiquette, you don't know their budget).
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Master October 2016
Mrs. Fall Bride · on April 18, 2018 at 2:28 PM
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"They’re both invited to our wedding so shouldn’t my future husband be allowed at their wedding?"
The answer is a resounding YES! He should absolutely be included because you two are a social unit. I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt that when they said "The _____ Family", they were including your FH in that, but you never know with people, so I think the vagueness on the envelope warrants an inquiry with them.
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Super June 2018
NinjaBride · on April 18, 2018 at 2:29 PM
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I would definitely ask the cousin in this situation. I wouldn’t phrase it that he would be taking the place of your parents or anything like that though.
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Devoted September 2018
Tara · on April 18, 2018 at 2:52 PM
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I would guess your cousin is assuming the family invite includes him. They might have not wanted to send a seperate invitation to the same address, or write "The Blank Family and FH". Just politely ask if the invitation includes him.
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Master March 2017
BlueHenBride · on April 18, 2018 at 3:02 PM
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I would ask your cousin for clarification.

I agree with MFB that it's very possible he was included as part of "The ____ Family," but you shouldn't assume that. Addressing an invite to "The ___ Family" is not meant to include a couple's adult children, so it's not meant to include the SOs of adult children. The confusion and offense this has caused you is the reason adult children get separate invites from their parents.

It doesn't matter if you're inviting your cousin and her fiancé to your wedding. There is no scenario where it's okay to invite half of a couple. Hopefully, your cousin confirms that your fiancé was included in the family invite. Otherwise, it's very insulting to you and your fiance.
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on April 18, 2018 at 3:04 PM
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Your fiance isn't a plus one, he should be invited anywhere you are. This is why family invitations to people over the age of 18 are a bad idea- they aren't clear.
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Devoted May 2019
Meg · on April 18, 2018 at 3:08 PM
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Thank you everyone for the advice! I’m close with my cousin’s fiancé too (they’ve been together for 6 years) and since her family is paying for the wedding, not my cousin, I didn’t want to assume and be rude! I understand most people don’t send out separate invites to save time and money but this concern is why I’m being so specific in my invites because vagueness freaks me out and makes me feel awkward to inquire! I’m sure it’ll be fine to ask but didn’t know how to go about asking! Thanks everyone!
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VIP September 2018
Michelle · on April 18, 2018 at 3:13 PM
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I would definately say ask your cousin! I didn’t realize the etiquette around invites until wedding wire and she may not even know that she addressed it oddly
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Dedicated April 2018
April · on April 18, 2018 at 3:14 PM
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There is no harm in asking for clarification. You and your fiancé are now 1 unit. I would assume he is invited but she would probably even appreciate you asking.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on April 18, 2018 at 4:33 PM
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Could you just ask? I wouldn't assume since they may have a seating chart. If you are close with them, asking isn't the weirdest thing. If they think it's rude, it's the same as you thinking it's rude not to invite your fiance. I wouldn't go to a wedding if my fiance wasn't going with me.
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Super February 2019
Amy · on April 18, 2018 at 5:01 PM
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This! I am still likely to botch some etiquette unintentionally! I plan on using word of mouth to family that anyone's SOs are welcome since they will have to make travel arrangements before invites are sent. Open communication is so the way to go.
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Devoted August 2018
BlushWedding · on April 18, 2018 at 8:28 PM
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I would reach out to your cousin and ask. It would be rude of them NOT to include your fiancé. Once you are in a relationship you are a unit. And TBH if your cousin said he wasn’t invited, I wouldn’t go to their wedding.
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Should i bring my fiancé to my cousins wedding if i wasn’t given a plus one.

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