Should i ask my sister to not be my Maid of Honor anymore

Wow wow wow. Honey i am so so sorry, wow. Ummm this is a hard pill to swallow. I would say throw the entire family away! But I’m all seriousness, i am sorry to hear of such a tragic past. I would try to reach out to your sister for a one on one convo, telling her how you feel and how the situation affected you. If she still doesn’t believe you, i would say try to find a new maid of honor, you have no reason to lie about such a tragic situation.

I had something similar happen with my sister. While it wasn't as severe as what your dad did to you, he was still abusive towards me. I chose not to talk to my dad for a few years, and my sister sided with him and acted angrily towards me and was mad at me for "breaking apart" the family. I wish I could tell you what to do. My only advice is that she is probably hurting too, but doesn't know how to properly Express herself. She is probably siding with your dad to try to keep your family together, but is hurting you in the process. Or she may be being manipulated. I'm so sorry that all of this happened to you, but you are being rational and doing what's best for you and you should be proud of that. Dont let anyone make you feel bad or make you feel like you need to forgive your dad just because he's your dad. Stand your ground. Express your feelings to her as best you can. Whether or not you still want her in the wedding is up to you. Good luck

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! What I need to do is clear when I think about it rationally. I just struggle with feelings of guilt.

View Quoted Comment I have tried to reach out to her and she insists that I need to prove that he indeed did do it. Of course, there’s no way to prove it, it’s been years since it happened.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I wouldn't ask your sister to be MOH. If she confronts you about it, just tell her how you feel about her taking your father's side. That's what has the potential to break off your relationship, not you not choosing her as MOH. You don't owe her anything, especially if she isn't there for you.

I am so sorry that happened to you. That's so intense to deal with. I hope you have a good support system around you.

I think that if your sister doesn't believe you, she shouldn't be in your wedding. Thats a VERY intense thing to make up. She should know you better than to assume you'd lie about that. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable around her anymore, so I don't think she should be your maid of honor.

I am... so very about your unfortunate upbringing. I can't even imagine the hurt and pain you've been going through. I would definitely not have my sister as my MOH if she knew my tragic past and completely was dismissive and uncaring. Your sister should be supporting you, not accusing you of trying to break up the family. Perhaps your sister is very hurt and disturbed by what you have disclosed, but is acting out in anger rather than compassion. Or perhaps it is something else. Whatever it may be, you deserve to have a supportive, loving individual standing beside you as your MOH. Once again, I am terribly sorry about your circumstances, and I truly hope you are able to go on the path of healing and being happy again.

While this may not be the case, I can't imagine that you were the first. It is possible that she was, but she possibly sucked it up to "keep the family together" and now that is exploding because you were brave enough to speak up. When you told your mother, what was her take?

This did not happen to me, but my sister (we have different fathers), and it was more severe than what happened to you, but she always suspected that the same happened to her little sister (her dad, but with a different mom), but the sister has never admitted it.

My suggestion is talk to your mom and after a while, talk to your sister. Also, seek counseling for yourself and make the best decision for YOU!!!!!

Hugs and I hope that you come through this stronger than before.

View Quoted Comment You’re right, I have two sisters and the middle one has has told me that my father did the same thing to her, she just never confronted him about it. When I was younger and told my mother, she basically told me to keep it quiet and not tell anyone else not even my sisters. I repressed what happened and tried to move on, but it exploded when I started planning this wedding and having conversations about how my father should be involved. When I asked my mother about her intentions she said that she didn’t do anything or leave him for “our own” good. She was a stay-at-home mom and he was the one making the money. My oldest sister says that he never touched her and that by refusing him to be in the wedding I’m breaking the family apart and she wants no parts of it. I’m already seeing a therapist and trying to heal from this. I know I have to let her go, it’s just hard.

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with cutting toxic people from your life - whether its family or friend. It can be hard and painful, but you have to take care of yourself and your well being. Everyone else did what they thought was right in their mind, and you have to do what is right by you. You are not breaking the family apart, that was your father's doing, so do not take on his responsibility/guilt or whatever it is. That is his to bear.

I pray for your healing and that one day it will all be acknowledged, dealt with and everyone can move on.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! This really helps.

View Quoted Comment Well yes, i would cut her from the wedding. This is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, you don’t have time to prove to her, like i said why would you lie about that? I think it’s for the best, good luck with everything!

I am so, so sorry ❤️ It’s totally unfair for your sister to behave this way towards you. I am in a similar situation with some family members of mine, but not as severe as yours. My own brother may not attend my wedding because I don’t talk to my parents. Although it breaks my heart, I let the people who take this stand know that if they choose to not attend based on my relationships with other people, then that is on them. Refusing to attend my wedding for something that is not between us may damage our relationship beyond repair, and that is their choice. It sucks and it hurts, but you cannot take the blame.
I am really sorry you are not getting the support you deserve.

I am so exceptionally sorry for what you went through, and for what you are going through now. I'm enraged on your behalf that your family would act this way towards you.
This is 1000% his fault, not yours!

Some people choose to have their fathers not walk them simply because they consider the tradition old and antiquated! There are tons of reasons people choose to do this, and it honestly shouldn't be considered something that would "tear the family apart." But given your reasons it is a whole other thing!!

I apologize, I feel like I am struggling to properly put into words what I am trying to say because I am so angry! I'm angry that they are blaming you, I'm angry that they don't understand, and I'm really, really angry at your mother for still being with him. I'm upset and angry. Throw the whole family out!!!! ( except for maybe the middle sister, sounds like she experienced the same thing and is on your side?) Definitely do not let him walk you down the aisle, and do not make her maid of honor!!

Family isn't just blood, it's who you wanted to be. It's the people who love and support you. I suggest maybe some counseling or therapy to help you through these new-found memories and I wish you the best on your healing journey! Feel free to add me and reach out anytime you need help! ❤