Should i ask my fh this???

He said that she did not want to get to know her so I would imagine she was not like that. I think you need to find a way to work with her because she is going to be your MIL and even if it is overwhelming it is better for her to be nice and friendly with you than the other way. I would not ask him because he may take offense. Maybe she is like this because she does not have a daughter to go dress shopping and stuff. I am sorry it is overwhelming but if she says anything uncomfortable around you maybe just kindly mention that you feel uncomfortable talking about this. Also, maybe limit wedding plan discussion so she does not invite herself or something.

I wouldn't. His ex-wife obviously isn't a good topic of conversation. My guess is his mom must really like you and since she doesn't have any daughters that she thinks of you like a daughter. I would limit how much alone time you spend with her. If your mom hasn't gotten her dress yet maybe you can her invite to go with you and your future mother-in-law.

I wouldn't ask. That is the past and the past needs to stay there. I would however try your best to join in on a shopping trip for a dress. Not everyone will fit your fancy. Part of life is learning to accept people for who they are regardless of your likes or dislikes of them. This doesn't mean that we must conform to their beliefs, but just respect that everyone is different. She may not be so bad once you take the time to really get to know her. Also, this will be your mother in law and neglecting a relationship will only cause future drama. I am not saying become best buds and text one another goodnight, but definitely try to give it a fair shot.

Honestly I wish my biggest problem with my mother in law was that she was TOO interested in wanting to spend time with me and get to know me lol

Don't ask! You don't want to compare yourself to a relationship that perished. You should make the effort of getting to know your MIL, sounds like she's trying to get to know you better. This is a good thing because it sounds like she genuinely wants to share these experiences with you.

My husband was married for 6 months a long time ago. I don’t recommend making his ex-wife and those memories part of your relationship. I would really focus on the present and your current relationship with him and your fmil.

Avoiding spending time with her is not the way to go. So many women want a good relationship with their FMIL and don’t have one. She is trying and you should try to. Have you told her that something she said made you uncomfortable? If not how can you expect her to know? Once you tie the knot she will be come a permanent part of your life and you don’t what drama for not reason.

Mom is trying too hard to be friends. I would go with her to buy a dress, have lunch and then leave. She’s trying to be involved. Marriage is about compromise. You’ll see her often. Find a common ground in this case the wedding to steer the conversation away from stuff you don’t want to hear.

His ex’s relationship with his mom doesn’t matter. It’s very sweet his mom wants to get to know you & spend time with you. I don’t think it’s too much to go with her dress shopping. Also, maybe include her in some decisions with you & your fiancé if you’re uncomfortable being alone with her. I think it would mean a lot to her and your fiancé. For example, go cake tasting all together and let her pick out a flavor combo for one tier. It’s harmless yet meaningful.

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I think so too. When my fh and i started dating, she kept asking my fh to ask me when can go on a lunch date. I didn't want to but saw how much it meant to him, so i did. Well she kept asking my fh over and over if i wanted to go out again. She said during lunch how she wanted to make it a monthly thing. I thought she was joking, but when my fh told me she kept asking him i realized she wasn't. My fh in a way wanted me to go with her but i told her i respect her as his mom but i don't even go out with mom. Its very rare when i do.. I had to explain how its just weird to do that. My fh understood what i was talking about and kinda made her calm down. But also at the start she would beg me to stay and watch movies with her. That's really when my fh stated seeing it. He told her, not in front of me, that we are not friends and i go over with him cause i'm with him. But yeah, i have 3 brothers and my mom isn't like that with their wives/gf or their wives/gf dont beg to hangout with my mom. Maybe my family is just different lol

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I honestly have to remind myself that. She doesn't have any daughters and won't get to enjoy it. So i try to be patient with her. Maybe she's excited cause of the wedding and hopefully after, she will calm down lol. But thanks for the advice

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I guess i should be seeing the bright side of this. Thanks for reminding me not all mother in laws are like that lol.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I just think as women we get very excited and we are naturally emotional creatures so she never had a daughter to help plan a wedding with and even though she can be a little overbearing I think that is much better than having a mother-in-law who hates you. Some of my friends are going through that but even on here some bride post about how their mother in-laws disrespect them or don't even show to the wedding. So not that it's very fun having someone always in your face I totally agree but I think the alternative would be much worse. But again if she has certain conversations that you don't feel comfortable discussing next time she brings them up just nicely say that oh I don't feel comfortable talking about that. I think she may understand.

As others have said, she's going to be a permanent part of your life now, whether you want her to be or not, so it's best to get to know her and compromise with her a little. If she's saying things that make you uncomfortable, it's possible she doesn't realize it. If you're uncomfortable letting her know her discussion topics are inappropriate, then do the next best thing: don't energize it. Casually change the subject and move on. Eventually she'll stop and if she doesn't, you can just end the convo by saying, "If it's alright with you, I don't want to talk about that right now." If she keeps at it, then you'll have every right to remove yourself from the situation. Later you could then deny hanging out with her or put an ultimatum on your future outings: "I'd love to have coffee with you, but only if we don't talk about _____." Sometimes you have to set healthy boundaries. Don't let that get in the way of developing a nice relationship with her.