Should i ask my bridesmaid to step down

I hate to be that person. But ultimately, all you can really ask bridesmaids to do is stand up with you in a dress. If she can't afford the bach, it's an optional event. I get that it's diappointing, but it's the truth. If you're concerned about her getting the dress, talk about it with her. If you're in the position offer to help pay (it's what I would do and I have a bridesmaid in a very similar position). If you really want her to stand up there with her, talk to her about it. But asking her to step down is a relationship ended pretty typically. It's hard to come back from.

She’s not obligated to go to the bachelorette party and it doesn’t sound like she’s in a position to do so. I’d assume she isn’t coming and/or give her an out. With the dress, you have trust adults to be adults and take care of their responsibilities. If she hasn’t stepped down, she doesn’t want to. If you kick her out it’s a friendship ending move. It doesn’t sound like she’s done anything harmful.

I don't know what your relationship is like, so I can't predict her response. I know that if I was struggling like that, I would be relieved at being asked to step down, but maybe a little hurt. At various times in my life I've struggled with things - finances, mental health - and my good friends made room for that. They didn't expect me to spend money, and understood that work and kids took too much from me to do much for recreation.

If she's having boyfriend troubles, could he be pressuring her about money? I see through a lens of being in a financially abusive marriage and he would have made my life hell if I had wanted to buy a plane ticket for a fun weekend.

This could be friendship ending, yes. And it's not your responsibility to help her or give her grace right now, if that's not something you have room for.

Is the bachelorette travel, lodging, and activities all within her budget? Or was it planned, then the bill was split?

Either way, if she is on hard times (which can happen at any moment for anyone), then I wouldn't expect anything other than getting the dress and showing up for the wedding.

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Sorry shoud have clarified that costs were known upfront and she still said yes she would come on the trip. She wasn't forced or expected to come whatsoever.

I would let her try to sort herself out first--she might be doing all that she can to be there for you and that's ok.

For the bachelorette, while you might want her there, I don't think you should ask her to step down if she's unable to attend. Ultimately, if she doesn't buy a plane ticket, so just doesn't go and that's her choice. I think when bridal stores tell you to purchase from the same dye lot, it's a sales tactic. I've purchased bridesmaid dresses used multiple times and you definitely couldn't tell that it was a different dye lot than the other bridesmaids. If she doesn't get a dress by the wedding, that would be an issue obviously, but I would try to give her as much time as you can to sort herself out.

I would talk to her and just check-in to see where she's at/what she's thinking - and emphasizing that there is no pressure, but you'd like to know in order to move forward with planning.

View Quoted Comment Her circumstances may have changed since then.

Dye lots aren't an issue anymore with the way that they mix colors by computer, so don't stress everyone buying dresses together (there's no guarantee that they would come from the same dye lot anyway, even if you order them all at the same time). She just needs to order a dress and receive it by your wedding day.

What everyone else said. She's not obligated to go to the bachelorette, especially one that requires plane travel in a pandemic. If she can get her dress before the wedding day then she's fine.