should I add a bridesmaid?

I would ask her explain the situation. I had to do the same thing with my cousin. I simply told her I should have asked you before and I feel bad I didn't ask til now but will you be one of my bridesmaids she was happy i asked.

Being a bridesmaid is an honor and I think that it is tacky or weird to ask now! I would ask considering she's been helping and putting a lot of effort to help with wedding things! She's probably feel super honored! But also think about adding another GM.

What kind of "duties" did you give them? Being a bridesmaid should not cause a lot of stress. I personally would not appreciate being asked last minute solely to work for you.

Just warning you...You're going to get some blunt responses from this.

This is YOUR wedding and they shouldn't have duties other than purchasing a dress and showing up. You shouldn't add a bridesmaid just because you need extra help. They are people you want standing next to you on your big day because they're your nearest and dearest. Not your employees or wedding coordinators. If you need extra help, hire a wedding planner or DOC. It's hard to remember but no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. If they offer to help, great. But you shouldn't require anything of them other than an outfit.

ETA- if you do end up adding another bridesmaid, you don't need to add another GM. Uneven sides are fine.

Listen, to be honest- it is so rude of you to pile a bunch of crap for YOUR wedding on your cousin. It's not her wedding, why does she have all these responsibilities? Why cant you and your FS handle it?

ETA and no, you don't ask. That's basically b-listing your bridal party.

Why have you put stress on anyone???

Woah all...

I should back up.

I didn't "require" anything of my cousin/bridesmaid. She has been so lovely to offer to help my MoH plan a shower for me, which appears to have spiraled a bit out of control. My MoH initially was planning on planning it, but appears to have jumped ship with her busy schedule, leaving my poor cousin/BM all alone to deal with it. The shower is at my cousin's house, which is why it's so much of an imposition on her.

I didn't even KNOW about any of this/the shower planning/that it had become a thing until just this week, as it was planned without me. I am now trying to help remove some stress from my cousin that I never intended in the first place.

...hope that helped.

Got it, so it's the planning of the events that they have already volunteered to throw. Not requiring them to do DIY projects and run errands for you.

Still wouldn't ask her at this point. If I were her I'd feel like an afterthought. Just do something nice for her to let her know you appreciate her.

If the other friend is already helping out the cousin, how would making her an official bridesmaid alleviate the cousin's stress? Like I said, I personally would be offended if I was clearly asked as an afterthought and only because I had been helping. If you did end up doing this though, don't find a B-list groomsman too. Uneven sides are fine.

@GoingGray- exactly.

I suppose having another "official bridesmaid" would not help alleviate any cousin stress... and with the shower behind us soon, I don't know that anything else would show up on my cousin's plate (I for sure wouldn't PUT anything on her plate).

I guess my question was just is it more respectful to my helpful (but not currently bridesmaid) friend to include her in the bridal party as an honor... or to not ask her as it would clearly be a "b-list" thing, which could come off as the OPPOSITE of an honor.

I would see it as a b-list thing. If I already knew who your bridesmaids were and I was helping you, it would be because I was your friend and wanted to help. I'm sure she doesn't care that she was never asked, most people don't. If you asked me later on it would offend me because I wasn't good enough the first round.

@Erica - thank you, that was a helpful answer!

I had an issue where shortly after asking, one of my bms backed out due to pregnancy and her and I both asked another dear friend if she would join now that I had the financial capability to add another bm (really I wanted her in it too and told her but I couldn't afford that many bms) and though I really didn't want to, I did it and it was okay.

If you want too, though I really am against it, I would just be honest and tell her the truth.

UO I wouldn't be offended if you asked me later then everyone else. I guess it is b listing your bridal party but I personally wouldn't be offended.

Well, by asking someone late you risk two things. 1. Offending the latecomer as being "second choice" 2. Offending your existing wedding party by intimating that they're not doing enough and also giving the message that more people are needed to "handle the load". To be fair, that's how your OP came across.

I wouldn't add anyone. In addition, medical residency is really not flexible at all with respect to vacation/time off etc.

I wouldn't ask her this late in the game. PP are right that it wouldn't reduce the stress on your BM by adding another one.

If you really truly regret not having this friend as a Bridesmaid then ask her. I think it's a "know your friend" situation. Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself if you would be offended or honored to be a "late addition". But think of what your friendship is like now, and not necessarily because of what she's doing. Bridesmaid and MOH is an honor role not necessarily a "job". Ask her only if you really want to honor her, and not out of guilt or because of what she can do for you.