Should Dad get an invite?

You know, maybe it would be better to start to try to repair your relationship with him since you don't technically need to send out invites yet anyway you can see how it goes with that first

I think the answer lies in the line “I know I would feel so guilty if he wasn’t there.” To me, if you know that you’d feel badly about it, then you should invite him. There is no worse feeling in life than regret. If you extend the invite, then it would be up to him to decide to come and support you, and you wouldn’t have to live with guilt or regret over not giving him the choice. I hope you two can repair your relationship a bit before the big day comes, and that it all works out for the best for you. 💕

I agree with Melle that you should try reaching out and see where your relationship goes. You still have some time before you have to make that decision so use those months to reestablish contact and decide what you want in the future. Do you want to cut off contact or do you want a new start? This will definitely set the tone for the rest of your relationship, so consider what you want.

I would say that you should clear your mind and give some distance for the next few months. I spent about 7 months distancing myself from my father due to the exact same reasons. I'm not saying the relationship is amazing now (really has never been the best) however, it's more tolerable (he no longer drinks but he's still not an invested person in really anything). I would give yourself maybe three or four months. Then you can reevaluate how he's doing and how you're feeling. The biggest reason I extended a new relationship with my dad was because I was avoiding family gatherings so I wouldn't see him, which caused me to miss out on a lot. You should consider how your relationship with him will affect your relationship with the rest of your family (especially if they are enablers like my grandma and have a hard time thinking that your dad can do wrong).

While you might feel regret not inviting him, it might also cause stress on your wedding day if you do. Your mental health is the most important thing in this situation. If it seems he's getting better then maybe sit down and have a conversation about your wedding. If it gets worse after the distancing, maybe it's for the best that he is not invited. At the end of the day, it's your choice and hopefully, your family can support you through whatever choice you make.

I may be a jerk but I would invite him under the condition he is sober before and during the day. Maybe I am rude but I feel if he really wants to be around for an important day, while alcoholism is a disease, that is something he can work on even if for that short time period. I would have a talk with him and tell him that alcohol has been an issue between your relationship with him but you would love for him to be there the day of but sober and sober during the event. If closer to then you can rescind the invite if she cannot get it together.

Hold off on the invite. Based on your description, it sounds like inviting him is a bad idea. If you can't be around him any other time, the last place he needs to be is your wedding. It hurts when your family isn't supportive but it happens.

The greatest advice I’ve received related to this was to ask myself “What’s the best case scenario? What’s the worst case scenario?” If the best case makes you smile and the worst case doesn’t make you too sad, send the invite. If there’s uncertainty about either, give it some time before you decide.

You do have some time so don't beat yourself up. I would weigh the outcomes of invitiving vs not inviting. Then try to make mutual contract and replant some roots. If it's too much say 6 months out then I would just let it go and move on. Family would have to get over it.

I’ll tell ya what... I have the same kind of relationship with my father. This is my second marriage coming up...I invited him to my first wedding. I had my stepfather and my “father” walk me down the isle, on each side. The isle is only “so wide”.. he was running my stepfather off the isle. Like elbowing him out of the way, trying to lose him in the dust! Lol. I actually tried to mend the relationship a bit before this to be able to
Invite him... him and his wife did their own thing at the wedding. I danced an embarrassing song with him, not for me... a few months later he wrote me a nasty email writing me off saying I disrespected his wife bc they casually invited me, if I wanted, to stop by for Christmas Eve & I said thank you. But didn’t follow up. They know I always go to my mother’s. He’s drinking again, and did me the favor of X-ing out. Previously at dinner, hashing the past, he was bashing my mom, and I mentioned his drinking. He denied it. I said so why would I have gone to your AA celebration mtg if it’s not true? Lol I haven’t spoken to him since his nasty email, which I never responded to. He will not be coming to this wedding... don’t know if that helps... maybe you could think of a way to “include” him in a different way so you don’t feel guilty... my first wedding was all abt everyone else. Try and honor yourself bc no one else will. Make it your day and not about being the perfect bride for everyone else.... I know it’s hard. Good luck.

I would definitely not make a final decision until a couple months before the wedding when the invites typically go out. A lot can change in a year. If there is anyone you are on the fence about, I'd hold off sending a STD. Reevaluate your relationship with those potential guests when you send out your invites and make a decision then, based off what feels right in your gut and works for the situation then. Don't force yourself into making a decision now.