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Erin381
Master September 2016

Shot list help - divorced parents

Erin381, on September 7, 2016 at 11:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22

On every shot list I have seen it says 'bride and her immediate family' 'groom and bride and her immediate family' Question when I am doing these photos should I include my mom and dad in the same photo even if they've been divorced for 20 some odd years or should I do one photo with my mom and my brothers and I and then my dad his wife my brothers and I also do I include step parents and these photos or should be three separate photos or what the hell do I do because they don't want to offend anyone and I really don't give a s*** I just want to do it the right way. Also voice to text sensors my bad words it's BS

22 Comments

Latest activity by KristenBeez, on September 8, 2016 at 7:21 AM
  • BeachDreams
    Master May 2017
    BeachDreams ·
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    If you dont have a preference, and your goal is to not offend anyone I think your best bet is to just ask your parents what theyd be comfortable with and would like to do.

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  • tinkerpsu
    VIP November 2016
    tinkerpsu ·
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    I think it is nice to have them separate and nice for you to have some together. I spoke to my divorced parents and they said whatever makes me happy. I would ask them if they are comfortable with it.

    We have two sets of divorced parents, should be fun!!

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  • Erin381
    Master September 2016
    Erin381 ·
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    I asked both parents and they both said this is your day whatever you want. I am fine with having my step-mom and some of the photos I think she probably should be she's been married to my dad for more than a decade but I would kind of like a parent picture of just my parents and I but I also feel like it's weird because it's like a photo of a reality that hasn't existed since I was 4. Which is why I was kind of wondering what the norm was I think I'll probably skip the photo of just the three of us and maybe do a photo of me and my brothers and each of our parents and do it that way

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  • Tina
    Super September 2016
    Tina ·
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    My parents are divorced too. I'm doing Me, Mom, Step Dad, and brothers... Me, Dad, and brothers before ceremony, then after the ceremony, Me, FH with Mom, Step Dad and brothers... Me, FH with Dad and brothers. Also, both my band FH families together.

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  • JSmith2U
    Master March 2016
    JSmith2U ·
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    I would have one with mom, brothers, you then one with dad, brothers, you, then add mom, then add stepparents. You are going to want a picture of each of these. My parents aren't together either and all my Mom requested is that I not stand her next to my dad in pictures.

    Eta: you can still have one with just your bio parents. Doesn't matter if they haven't been married for years. They're still your parents.

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  • Erin381
    Master September 2016
    Erin381 ·
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    Oh I kind of like the idea of doing a photo with future husband and I, my mom, my dad, my step mom, all of my siblings, FH parent and sibling that way I have a photo with everyone in it but it's less awkward for my parents. My parents get along reasonably fine they honestly have hardly spoken two words to each other in 25 years. My mom has a lot of hurt feelings still about their marriage and the fact that she raised us alone, but she hardly says anything to anyone about it other than me.

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  • The Trap Selena
    Master March 2016
    The Trap Selena ·
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    There's really no right or wrong way to navigate this...it just depends on how well your parents are able to tolerate each other. The stepmom thing can be tricky though. My mom would throw a fit if I included my dad's long-time GF in the parent photos but I don't like the bitch so I wouldn't include her anyway. If you want her to be included then include her and if mom has an issue, you'd just need to tell her to figure out a way to be a good sport for the photos.

    ETA: I just saw your comment about a picture of something that hasn't existed since you were little. Trust me, I understand. The only memories I have of my parents' interaction is them tolerating each other. However, I do want a group photo because I don't want to regret not having one down the line.

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  • JSmith2U
    Master March 2016
    JSmith2U ·
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    With that additional info, I think it's fine to forgo the solo shot of you and your parents. My parents are cordial to each other, so it was a lot less awkward than what your Mom would deal with.

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  • Kathleen Smith
    Kathleen Smith ·
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    Church formals :

    bride and mom

    Bride and dad

    Bride mom and dad

    Bride mom and step dad

    Bride dad and step mom

    Mom and step dad

    Dad and step mom

    Bride and siblings

    Bride, groom, mom and step dad, dad and step mom

    Bride, groom, mom and step dad, dad and step mom, siblings

    Bride, groom, mom and step dad, dad and step mom, siblings, all grandparents

    Bride and each grandparent or set of grandparents

    Any other requests would be noted and taken whenever possible but most likely at the reception.

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  • Leslie
    Super June 2017
    Leslie ·
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    I'm glad you asked this. My parents have been divorced since I was 11, so I wasn't sure what pics to get. I like the idea of mom, siblings, FH and me. Then dad, siblings, FH and me. That is a great compromise.

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  • Kathleen Smith
    Kathleen Smith ·
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    The above list is of course discussed with bride and groom and the parents are willing to oblige.

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  • Erin381
    Master September 2016
    Erin381 ·
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    Jsmith - that is my feeling. My mom is really nice to my dad's face. However I know that in the back of her head it really hurts her that he did a better job with his second wife and his step kids than he ever did with us when we were little. He's tried to make it up to us but in a lot of ways we just had a relationship that adults would have. Even though I know my mom would be a good sport about everything and anything and she told me to do whatever I wanted because it's my day. I don't want to unreasonably burden her with stress from the day having to smile at a woman that I know she doesn't like. For that reason I'm not having them all sit at the same table and want my mom to be happy on the day that I'm getting married not simply smiling through her unhappiness. But its hard to figure out what is best.

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  • Leslie
    Super June 2017
    Leslie ·
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    Also my mom has hurt feelings too. She only talks to me about them. She is by far happier divorced but she has bitter resentment.

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  • SoonToBeMrsP!
    Super October 2016
    SoonToBeMrsP! ·
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    I think it all depends on the dynamic of the family. Both of our parents are divorced and remarried. We sre going to take a big shot of all of us, then one with his side/ then my side, then one with each parent and their spouse so that we have one each parent can frame... not sure if that all came out right. Good luck!

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  • MrsND
    Master November 2016
    MrsND ·
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    Ughh I'm torn as well. My parents haven't even seen each other in 12 years. Sadly, I doubt they'll want to stand together for the photos. I plan to do them separately. My mom is dating someone but he's told me he won't be attending.

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  • Angel
    Devoted October 2016
    Angel ·
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    Only thing I can think of: You, Mom and Dad. You, Mom and Dad and brothers. You, Dad, Step-Mom. You, Mom, Step-Dad. Everyone gets a photo and everyone is happy. Mom and Dad will only be standing next to each other ( with you in the middle!) for like twenty seconds.

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  • H
    Dedicated November 2017
    Hourglass ·
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    My sister had 3 sets if parents (Plus her husband's set). Mom and step dad, dad (also my dad) and step mom, and her half brother's dad and wife since she spent most summers with them as a kid. It was a long day of pictures to be sure.

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  • Jersey
    Master November 2016
    Jersey ·
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    I would probably do a mom, dad, step-mom photo. Do you have a stepdad? If you do, I would put all of them in.

    And then I would get individual ones with my mom and then my dad. But separate. I'm not sure why I would do it that way, in my head, it just feels right.

    But it sounds like they are supportive of whatever you want! So if you want a photo of mom and dad together, I don't think there's anything wrong with it!

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  • SailawaySomppi
    VIP April 2018
    SailawaySomppi ·
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    If someones parents dont get along the shot they may need to do at the wedding is tequila.

    Honestly, I think there are a lot of factors in play on what feels right for pictures. Im sure you will know whats right for you.

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  • MNBride
    Master June 2017
    MNBride ·
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    I was worried about this with FH family, this is what we decided:

    -bride groom mom

    -bride groom mom step dad brother SIL niece

    -bride groom brother SIL niece

    -bride groom dad

    -bride groom dad step mom brother SIL niece, step brother, half sister

    So basically we are doing a picture with just his dad, just his mom and then a family photo for each side that includes the step parents and siblings

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