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Master March 2012

She Didn't Mean Anything!

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Pan, on July 25, 2012 at 3:06 AM

Just another curious question. Watching a movie, and the husband character says this after an affair. The wife freaks out and asks him if he loves his mistress, and he says she didn't mean anything, and he doesn't love her. Am I the only one who would be more likely to forgive someone if they were...

I don't know, I just wondered why a woman would forgive more easily if her husband cheated just out of pure lust than if he left her for someone whose name he actually knew. It's always like "Oh, so you just desecrated our vows for a momentary pleasure with some chick who you don't care about. Ok I'll take you back, but don't do it again." I know some women in real life who live this scenario, and just don't understand. One lady calls everytime he's out without her. She doesn't trust him anymore and he seems to think he has a right to be mad that she doesn't but they stay together

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Master October 2011
Mrs. S™ · on July 25, 2012 at 9:23 AM
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LOL Pan, you're on the roll!!!

I also think involving love makes it worse. I also think about it in terms of length of the relationship and the its deliberate nature.

If somebody slips once (not that it's OK, and not that I support it), but I can understand it. I have slipped many, many times with cookies. And Ben & Jerry's. But that goes into a "bad but human error" pile. Marriages hit all sorts of not so good points.

Developing a relationship compounds physical and emotional cheating. As Kris said, it requires a series of interactions that are much more than a momentary bad judgment.
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VIP June 2013
Private User · on July 25, 2012 at 9:32 AM
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Like some of the other ladies said, either way, I would be gone. I would be hurt in different ways by each situation, but still hurt and moving out.
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VIP June 2013
Now mrs. K · on July 25, 2012 at 9:41 AM
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When FH and I were dating, he had come off a divorce in his life. Neither of them was unfaithful, it just wasn't a good match (he was a geek and she was a psycho). We talked about what would cause me to seek a divorce. I told him there were only two things that would make me not stick. If he hit me, I was gone (and most likely wouldn't need a divorce, because my brother and his friends would hunt him down). the other was infidelity. I don't care what your reasons are. Whether it is for love or lust, it is a symptom of a problem in the relationship. I would rather he come to me and talk if he feels even the urge to stray.
That being said, they would hurt in different ways.
As for one time slip-ups? If there are no severe consequences, it has been shown, the cheater will cheat again. If you decided to stay, you would need to go through some serious counseling to see why it happened.
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VIP June 2013
Now mrs. K · on July 25, 2012 at 9:45 AM
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And why DO we place blame on the woman? I mean, if it's a one time thing, how do we even know that she knew he was married? And if it's long term, did he tell her lies about the relationship with his wife? Really, sometimes she is to blame (there are women who just find married men attractive), but a lot of times, it was a lie that got her involved.
And for the women involved in long term cheating relationships with the men-do they honestly think he would be different with you? Why are they surprised when he cheats on them? My uncle has been married 8 times. Each time it was to the woman he was cheating on the last one with (with the exception of his first wife and his current wife).
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