Sharing a Wedding Year with a family member

Every couple gets one day. Honestly try to ignore her and focus on you.

6 weeks after your wedding is long enough to where it shouldn't conflict with your wedding at all. People should be able to attend both, I wouldn't consider those to be too close in time. If everyone waited for a year where no one else they knew was planning a major event, you'd never be able to find a year to hold your wedding! However, if you are concerned about the weddings feeling like a competition, I would focus on only your wedding. I wouldn't share specific details or talk about the weddings with her if it's a topic that will feel like a competition. Your wedding will be beautiful!

Be the bigger person.... Congratulate her and be pleasant while you continue to plan your wedding. It takes two to "compete," so don't engage in her game. It sounds like you're well into planning your wedding, guests know about the date, etc., so just stick to your plan and be happy. If she's truly as manipulative as you think she is, most people will likely see through that and she'll potentially look bad. "Forced" engagements/marriages start with a pretty big strike against them, so odds are they may not have a smooth road ahead.... That's a shame, but not really your concern. You can't control her, but you can control you and your reactions.... Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

That’s plenty of space and it’s great that she’s having her wedding *after* yours! 👏 If she’s competitive though don’t share any details about your wedding with her... however, again, because her wedding is after yours still not really a big deal.

I got married in 2019 and so did my brother, my sister and my brother-in-law. My brother's wedding was in April, mine was in July, my brother-in-law's was in August and my sister's was in December. My sister eloped so none of us were there, but the rest of us had large weddings. My brother-in-law's wedding was exactly six weeks after ours. We got engaged two days apart. Like you I was upset about them getting married so close to us, but I was more upset because they knew we wanted to get married in September, but that's when they decided they wanted to get married. So we booked our wedding for mid-July rather than September then it turned out their venue didn't have any September dates so they got married the last day in August. My husband's family traveled for both weddings. Only one aunt choose not to attend both. She choose to attend ours. She was even on the fence about attending ours, but her sister (my mother-in-law) pretty much told her she had to attend at least one and helpws over some of her expenses to attend ours. My brother-in-law isn't close with her and wanted a small guest list, but he felt obligated to invite her so he was just as happy she didn't attend. At the end of the day it really made no difference that our weddings were close together. My advice is to focus on your own wedding rather than someone else's.

It’s completely normal (and justified) to feel upset, disappointed, annoyed, hurt, angry in this situation. I’m so sorry someone is trying to overshadow your day and possibly create inconveniences for your guests. Unfortunately though, the decision has already been made and there’s nothing you can do to change it. The best thing you can possibly do for yourself and your fiancé is to enjoy your own wedding planning as if hers doesn’t exist. I agree with PP about not sharing details of your wedding with her if you think she is trying to “compete” with your wedding (may be best to limit what you share with FMIL too, as I’m sure it would be discussed with FSIL). In the end, you will have an amazing wedding that you love and is only yours. Don’t let worrying about what she’s doing ruin your experience.

In the same boat. My SIL set hers for a month after ours. Its annoying cause we share almost the same guest list, and weve already postponed twice. Idk why she thought booking for this spring was a good idea anyway since she literally just got engaged last summer, and after seeing everything we went through couldnt even give us the smallest bit of space. With Covid, I am concerned people will be pressured to choose one over the other. Yes we get one wedding day but when its two siblings getting married, there should be more space than one month or six weeks put between the weddings. So annoying

My brother initially wanted to have his wedding about a month after me. However, I live overseas and our parens and many family members are spread out across the states. At the time he was planning to get married in Hawaii, where they live. I expressed my concerns about our parents being able to travel to both weddings so close together, and that we wouldn't be able to attend his wedding so soon after ours due to finances. Thankfully they're pretty easy going and moved their date to 6 months after ours

She is mostly likely not trying to beat you or compete with you.. if she is then that’s a conversation to have with her. Focus on your wedding not hers. Honestly, just be happy for her especially if she’s happy for you too. 6 weeks is enough time between yours and her wedding.
We’re getting married 3 weeks before my brother-in-law is and they got engaged way before us. I’m happily planning and venting with his fiancé about wedding stuff no problem!
It’s not about competition, and if you see it that way from her don’t engage her with your planning.

Why would they have to choose and not be able to go to both? Especially if they're over a month apart? I wouldn't stress that, her wedding is after yours I feel like it shouldn't bother you at all.


Focus on your wedding and making it the best day ever. Don't even focus or stress on what she is doing.

Ignore her. My sisters got married the same year. One in May and one in November. The one that got engaged second actually got married first. It was a very fun year! Celebrate and share the experience. Don’t compete.

All you can do at this point is focus on your wedding. Comparing your two weddings and who will attend yours vs her will only make you miserable.

Six weeks is long enough. Are your guests coming from across country?

Also, keep In mind dates for this year are going quickly and she may not have had many choices.
And some people (like me) don’t want long engagements. It’s not your business why they got engaged or what date they chose, as long as it wasn’t the same day as yours. If she pressured him into proposing that’s her issue that she may have to deal with in the future. Try and ignore her competition and be happy for her too!

View Quoted Comment They all live out of state, that’s why I’m worried 😫

View Quoted Comment Thank you I appreciate your comment ❤️

I think it is a phenomenon of very small nuclear families to even expect to be the only one having a special occasion in a month or two period. Those of us with bigger families, manage to have 3 kids marry in the same few months one graduates from high school, one from college and one with a grad degree, while 3 have babies. And grandfather dies. And Dad's younger sister has a baby too. And everyone gets to every occasion, unless they are in the military, ill, or not going anywhere due to work or obligations like their professional licensing exams. Except some overseas people, who will go to the wedding scheduled during their usual, budgeted for, every 2-4 year trip. ( those of us not well off.) Often, as in my family, your parents have 15 brothers and sisters. Who have kids, some living on the block or in the same school system. The only family weddings , including 1st or second cousins, that my siblings and I have missed have been outside forces, great distances, or someone eloped or had a very small wedding, no aunts, uncles or cousins. Some years you have no weddings or births or even engagement parties . Others you have two siblings, 5 firsts cousins within 2 hrs, and 2-3 second cousins, and miss only the one in Denmark. Or northern Manitoba. Because of the 5 days travel time, not conflicting occasions. And get to every one, and help or solo give showers, while being in 3 friends' weddings the same summer, promises made before your siblings set dates. ... Maybe fiance's sister has been to 6 weddings in a summer, of close friends not family, and simply does not see being more than two weeks apart as an issue for anyone. Did it occur to you she has friends, and her groom's whole family to consider when setting a date, and you simply are not so important she arranges her life occasions to compete with you? Most people can swing 2-3 weddings in 6 weeks, but if all are doable, stay home from those where they just don't much care if they are at the wedding or not. Hubby wants to go to his school reunion, and wife would rather stay home, won't be on the decline slips of your FI or his sis's relatives who miss one or both of your weddings, but is as likely to be the truth as, "we could not make it to 2 weddings". Stop worrying. Start sharing the happy feelings, not guarding your territory, and you will be happier.

I don’t really see the issue here. She’s getting married after you. And 6 weeks is a pretty long time. Why would family not be able to attend both weddings? I think you’re stressing over something that doesn’t deserve stress. Plan your dream wedding and enjoy your day!