Sequel Wedding

Hi Krista. Your mother may be onto something. I've seen several WW posters who were disappointed in smaller attendance for their vow renewals. This year and next are full of weddings and guests have to schedule their time and money (although yours is without gifts). Some may prioritize weddings over renewals. You can opt for a casual party. Or have you gone on a Honeymoon yet? Maybe make it a party for 2?

What about an anniversary party? You could still have food, music, etc., and you and your husband could make toasts and say the vows you would have said to each other. I'd echo what Michelle said about second weddings, vow renewals, after parties, etc. having lower turnouts. We attended one for a friend that ended up being really small, and other brides on here have expressed that as well.

I think a large part of the event's success would be whether the people in your circles would attend, so maybe ask around to see if people would be interested.

It's not really that common to have two full weddings, in my experience. I can see your mom's point in that they paid for the first one, this one seems superfluous. I think it may be interpreted as an attention seeking kind of thing.

I like the idea of an anniversary party.

I think an anniversary party would be nice or wait a few years and renew your vows. It was a very stressful time and I see how it could be disappointing but you were able to have a wedding. It might not have gone how you wanted. I would wait and have a kick ass celebration on your 5th anniversary.

Agreed with above, if you want a re-do it's best to wait until your 5th or 10th anniversary. It does seem disrespectful to your family who paid for your event. And hopefully everything will go the way you want it to, but a lot is out of your control. What if you don't love this party - will you do another one the year after that?

I would try to do something else special for your kids if you want to emphasize your commitment to them. Maybe a special trip or family day to celebrate that.

Honestly, I would think its way over the top to have another vow renewal one year into your marriage. Everyone has things they don't like about their wedding. However, even if you do this....its not going to take away your feelings about your real wedding. Its kind of like instagram. Reality vs Fantasy.

If you want to redo your vows on a vacation with your husband and children...that sounds nice. Big Party, not so much. Plus, I think people will give gifts because they would feel weird not doing it.

This feels like I'm reading my own wedding story! I'm so sorry you had this experience. Our wedding was November 20, 2021, though we got legally married 2 months beforehand when COVID case counts were climbing just in case we went into another lockdown. We were able to have our wedding, but I was disappointed in it and in the entire engagement really, for a lot of the same reasons as you. My hair also fell really flat day-of, so I hate a lot of our pictures.

Like you, I totally feel like I need a re-do. What I'm planning (and DH is just going along with this though he wasn't nearly as disappointed as I was) is a private vow renewal somewhere we love, maybe Napa or Maui. Other people's behavior was a big reason why our wedding was so disappointing, so I don't think we'll invite anyone to join - but I would love to get better photos, so I prob will splurge on hair/makeup, pro photographer, and a picturesque location (and a really fancy dinner after!). We're prob waiting several years to do this but that's just because of where we are in the process of starting our family - otherwise we might do it pretty soon.

For you, I'd recommend making a list of what it is that was really important to you that you feel like you missed out on, and see if you can find a way to give yourself "re-do's" of each of those things without throwing a whole additional wedding (since as others have pointed out, that would prob feel excessive for those invited to both celebrations and they might feel weird not bringing another gift). For example, if what you really want is better wedding photos and a chance to dance and party with everyone, maybe hire a photographer to take pics of you two in your wedding outfits in some awesome location and throw a house party separately (hell, hire the photographer to document the party and get dolled up for that too! My husband's friends are all doing big 40th birthday parties lately with DJs and photographers - you might as well do it too, LOL). If you find several ways to make up for the things that you missed, but don't try to combine them all into a single wedding-like event, then you don't have to worry about people feeling uncomfortable with the "second wedding" invite and I bet you'll actually have more fun bc there will be less pressure on each of those mini "re-do's" and you can really focus on enjoying the experience you missed out on on your big day.