Separate party after small wedding and reception

If you invite people to wedding related events they will assume they are invited to the wedding and custom/etiquette dictates that you do. If you must, what you can do is relay to those people that unfortunately due to covid related restrictions you are unable to invite them to the wedding but wanted to include them in some fashion so you are inviting them to x event in the the hopes that they are able to celebrate your union in some form.

If you invite them to showers, parties etc for your wedding, etiquette is they’re invited to the wedding.
You can let your Houston friends know that due to COVID you have to keep your #’s down & only immediately family will be invited to the wedding. Have a separate gathering when you get back for your Houston friends.

No, it’s not appropriate to invite someone to a pre-wedding event who isn’t also invited to the wedding.

We cut our guests list from 220 to 75 as well, mostly because of our original venue restrictions!

I may be in the minority here, but I say you can! You can always use Covid as an excuse to the guests you had to cut, rather than costs. If you told me I was uninvited because you didn't want to pay for me to be there, I probably wouldn't come to a shower LOL

I have two showers, one planned by my family and one by my MOH. My parents will be inviting their friends and distant family who I'm not able to invite, and I'm sure my MOH will invite people outside of our wedding guests list who we are friends with who I simply can't invite due to restrictions. We made an announcement when we downsized and almost all of our distant friends and family know the reasoning and totally understand, they wouldn't miss the showers!

I'm going to be the oddball and say that I don't see why you can't do that. I've had several friends that had to cut their wedding down drastically, or elope, and they still had friends/family invited to events even though they weren't coming to the wedding. We all understood the circumstances, and no hard feelings were there! We were just happy that we got to celebrate with them, even if it wasn't at the wedding!

For our friends that are eloping, they just let their friends/family know that they would have an engagement party, then a big celebration when they get back. To me, as long as you relay the message that you had to cut numbers down due to the pandemic, I don't see why you can't still celebrate with the rest of your loved ones. If I was your guest, I would be more than understanding.

I am also in a similar situation. We are cancelling out 200 person wedding and having a very small outdoor wedding. Unfortunately due to Covid. My Mother, Aunt and Sister still want to throw me a small shower, which at first I was against because a lot of them won’t be attending the actual ceremony. Everyone coming to the shower knows what’s going on and why we cannot invite them to the wedding. We will be having a party at a later date when it is safe that they will all be invited to. At the end of the day, it’s a way they can celebrate you getting married. We also cut the list of the shower to only immediate family and my closest friends. Not inviting parents friends etc.

I don’t think in your situation it’s be appropriate. 50 people is still plenty to have pre-wedding events. I’d be offended if I was invited to a gift-giving event but not the wedding. I’d understand if they eloped or had a 5 person wedding.

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Agree with this. If you cut your guest list to the bare minimum, you give up showers and other pre-wedding parties

Ultimately it's whatever you feel comfortable doing. Besides, you know your people best, so if you think this won't bother them then proceed with your plan. Traditional etiquette, however, is that you invite people to the showers that would also be invited to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this point. Not a good idea.

Nope, it's definitely NOT ok to invite people to pre or post wedding events if they're not invited to the wedding. I can't think of anything ruder! Your plan would be more acceptable if this was due to Covid restrictions mandated by your state or country. But your wedding is in April 2022 and you just admitted that this is not due to Covid, but due to your budget. I would be super offended if I were invited to someone's shower, bachelorette, or wedding after party but not included in the wedding. I would rethink your plan ASAP before you majorly offend all of your friends.

"I guess my question is: is it still appropriate to invite people to showers/bachelorette party even if they are not invited to the actual wedding?"

Not appropriate (for all of the reasons already posted above)

"And how do I go about wording invitations to said after-party here in Houston?"

If you want to have a second celebration after your wedding in another city, this is OK (it works because it's after the wedding so people already know you are married and didn't invite them, but you are inviting them to this secondary party that isn't gift-focused, like a shower).

Here's my question: If you are limiting your wedding guest list due to cost, why would you want to spend the money on the second party? I think you need to really think about what you want and why.

I'm going to be blunt and answer your questions directly:

1). Is it still appropriate to invite people to showers/bachelorette party even if they are not invited to the actual wedding?

Answer: NO, not appropriate unless it's due to Covid. I mean, unless you're okay with possibly losing your friends due to such inexcusable behavior. If I were invited to your shower/bachelorette party but not included in your 75-person wedding, I would probably cut you out of my life pretty quickly TBH.

2). And how do I go about wording invitations to said after-party here in Houston?

Answer: You don't. Again, that is, if you don't want to offend your friends.

My conclusion: inviting people to your shower/bachelorette/after-party and not to your 75-person wedding is asking for disaster. I would only do this if you actively want to lose your friends IMO.