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J
Just Said Yes November 2022

Sending Save the Dates without sending Invitations

Jackie, on August 22, 2022 at 3:26 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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My fiance and I are getting married in Nov. this year. We sent out the Save The Dates to 60+ family and friends, originally planning on having upto 100 guests, assuming everyone brings spouse/children.


Lately, we have been discussing the possibility of downsizing our wedding and just having very close family attend, 25 to 35 guests at most. The main reason we started discussing this is because my parent has recently been diagnosed with dementia and can't really tolerate large crowds anymore.
Planning the wedding while grieving has become difficult and the idea of an intimate ceremony is sounding more and more appealing, but the biggest thing I worry about is how people might feel not receiving an invite after a save the date, I don't want to be rude or hurtful to anyone, but we're also keeping the diagnosis private right now.. so I can't exactly explain to everyone why the change of plans.
Will it be bad of us to just not send the invitations? Or is there a better way of handling it?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Jackie, on August 22, 2022 at 5:01 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If you're going to do this, you need to communicate it to people and soon. If I were invited to a November wedding I would have already booked flights and hotels by now.


    It's fine that you want to downsize and I'm sorry about your family member. I don't think you need to tell anyone the reason you've decided to cancel.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm very sorry this is happening, but I agree with the prior poster that you definitely need to communicate to those you are no longer inviting that unfortunately they are no longer invited. I would have some type of plan in place for explaining why even if you don't go into full details. I would also recommend letting those no longer invited ASAP.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I agree with others that you'll definitely want to contact those people as soon as possible. If there's any way that you can let them know a little bit as to why, even if you don't go into specifics or even which side it's on, I would probably do that. People tend to be a bit more forgiving in these situations when they know why it happened versus making something up themselves.

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  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
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    Definitely reach out as it is a faux pas not to send an invitation to someone who received an STD. Since you are wanting to keep the diagnosis private, I’d suggest something along the lines of


    “Due to circumstances beyond our control, we will need to significantly downsize our wedding. We sincerely regret that we will not be able to celebrate with everyone as originally planned and hope to spend time with **insert guest** soon”
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with the previous comments. Definitely contact those who you are uninviting. I don't think you need to go into too much detail, but it's up to you how much you want to share. Maybe something along the lines of, "Due to unforeseen circumstances, we will need to change our wedding plans. We will be limiting our guest list to family only. We are so sorry, but we will no longer be able to extend an invite to you for our wedding. We appreciate your understanding, and apologize for the inconvenience."
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  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    Obviously, everyone agrees on what to do, but I'll add my personal experience.

    My FH and I have a mutual friend couple who were throwing a huge wedding, but eventually decided to downsize to make their family more comfortable. We received almost like, an un-invite? in the mail that explained due to unforeseen circumstances, they were downsizing their wedding and looked forward to celebrating privately with us instead.

    Tbh, at first I was like "umm ok...." but after a while I didn't care, it wasn't personal. We still have a great relationship. If they had said nothing, I don't think we would be friends.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Jackie ·
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    Thank you everyone for the responses and advice. Groom and I will make a decision promptly and inform the guests ASAP.
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