Sending save the dates but not an invitation

Why don't you want to invite them anymore? A save-the-date means an invitation is to follow. So you can't uninvite them without potentially ruining the friendship.

I'm in the minority on this but: While almost everyone thinks that sending someone a STD but not an invite is rude and not well-mannered (unless there is a valid reason like the person got divorced a family member or a friend of yours, if you felt pressured by someone to invite them, if you found out they are abusive,violent ot racist, or if there were a SERIOUS FALLOUT) I also think doing this is acceptable:
I mean: there is a reason why people send a formal invite with an RSVP card, after sending a STD. Otherwise you would only send informations like location,direction etc...
But only if you have a serious,valid reason like those I mentioned above and be aware that it will likely lead to a end the relationship you and/or your fiancé have with them and maybe declnes from some family , if you want to uninvite a family member.

When you send a save the date to someone, you are telling the recipient they will be invited to your wedding, and you would like them to hold the date for you. It would definitely be incredibly rude, and in poor taste, to not invite someone after you sent them a save the date (unless there was an incredibly compelling reason not to do so).

One word? Yes.

An STD is the same as an invitation. Unless they've done something horrible, you should invite them, according to etiquette.

You send out Save the Dates to guests so they know not to book anything that day and to possibly start making travel arrangements depending on where the wedding will be held, start the request off work, etc. A formal invitation is expected.

It's not a save the date in hopes of an invitation. Unless they've done something unforgivable, it's rude to not send a formal invite

View Quoted Comment Thanks everyone!

A formal invitation needs to go out. Unless the individual or couple is abusive/violent/racist.

I agree that it's appropriate "etiquette" to send them a formal invite, but I also understand that there are instances where this question can be really valid. I'll share my experience because I find it really comical: My former coworker basically forced an invite out of me by asking me in front of other coworkers "I'm invited to your wedding, right?". I was so shocked by the forwardness of the question, and I had not prepared myself for people potentially doing this because I could never imagine myself saying something like this... Flabbergasted, I just said "Oh of course" and then dutifully sent a STD (we had already sent them out a couple weeks ago to people ACTUALLY on our guest list). Well a couple months later, she left to go work somewhere else and then proceeded to block me on Instagram. We had been keeping in touch, I'd been wishing her well on her new ventures, and there wasn't any kind of event or conversation that occurred which would make her action acceptable. In fact, it probably wasn't even super personal because she did this once before... we worked together at another company, and when she left there, she blocked me because I was still at that company and she didn't want me to know the events of her life... Super weird and not the way I'd react, but I guess that's the way she is. She never acknowledged having received our STD (and being that we are international destination, we'd asked guests to complete a preliminary questionnaire for accommodation purposes, which she didn't answer), so we were wondering if we're in the clear.... We sent out our invites to everyone else and a couple weeks later, I felt bad and just decided to send the invite to her. I figured that she'll be receiving it with a little less time to RSVP, and if she hasn't said anything to day, the chances of her actually coming are pretty slim.

View Quoted Comment I am struggling with this issue because I invited a newer coworker at the beginning of his time at our job when my STD came out.


However, now within 5 months I’ve come to the realization that he’s not a good colleague. He’s rude, condescending, has corrected and belittled me constantly, and just isn’t someone I would call a friend anymore. I’m struggling…. I don’t want to send him an official invite with details of the wedding.

View Quoted Comment These situations happen and I think it's OK to just not send one and not mention anything. If he asks where his invitation is, you can say something like "We decided to have a much more intimate event with family only" or something.