Sending Invitations to Guests You Know Cant Come

If you want her there, send an invitation. Even if you know she can’t attend, it would be nice for her to feel like she’s missed at the wedding.

If they’re important to you and you genuinely want them to come (even if you don’t think they can) then send them an invite. I get how your mom’s comment rubbed you the wrong way lol but I don’t think it’s gift-grabby to do that at all. I sent an invite to my cousins in Australia who I was pretty sure wouldn’t be able to come, but it turns out my aunt was actually really thinking about coming and trying to see if she could make it work. Turned out she wasn’t able to come and they sent a small gift, but I certainly wouldn’t have expected them to send anything. They were really happy to have been invited even though they couldn’t make it, and I actually think they would’ve been pretty hurt if I left them off our list on the assumption that they almost definitely wouldn’t be able to make it.

Its not like you’re inviting people you’re not close with and you’re not expecting to come, just for gifts. You actually genuinely want these people to come and want them to feel included... and if they send a gift that’s great, but most people you’re close with (especially relatives) would much prefer be included with an invitation and wouldn’t mind sending a gift, rather than being left off your invitations list. Hope that makes sense!

I wouldn't send her a save the date, but I'd send her an invite since you mentioned she is special to you. I'd take what your mother said as... Your aunt enjoys gifting her nieces and nephews and would love to give you a gift for your wedding.

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Agree. Plus you never know. I didn't think one of my uncles who lives in California would come because he didn't go to my cousin's wedding (which was a little closer) a couple of years ago and has trouble traveling, but we sent a save the date and he's already told my mom he plans on coming.

I feel like if it's someone you genuinely want to come it's not seen as gift grabby if you send an invite. It's when you start inviting 3rd cousins once removed that you've met once that it becomes a little obnoxious.

My mom had me do the same thing.
I just ended up doing it anyway, I too felt it was kind of an odd concept.

Sending invites to those who can't come because of health etc but would come otherwise is a sweet gesture to include them. Definitely send them an invite. Moms tend to think the way your mom thinks. Try not to get offended by it - that's the way most moms basically communicate that the invitee will show their support for you and be involved in your wedding day the best way they can.

I’m inviting an aunt and uncle who I am 100% sure won’t attend but I’m doing it just to keep the peace. He is a dramatic person and never attends anything and she has health problems but they complain if they aren’t invited. So im basically extending the olive branch. If they do show up I’d be really happy but I’m 100% sure they wont come and they wont even say “congrats”.

If you send an invitation because you want the family member to feel included and they might save the invitation as a momento, I’d do it. Its okay as long as you’re not being gift grabby.

I sent several invitations to 30+ people I know wouldn't be able to make it, but I wanted them to know they were invited too.

I would absolutely send her an invite. It'll make her feel like she is not forgotten, and that you care enough to invite her, even if she cannot attend. I will be sending out invitations to my family in Greece and Poland, even though I know absolutely no one would come since it's a hassle for a Polish citizen to get a VISA just to even visit America. But I want them to know that I would like them to attend and thought of them also. I would be pretty hurt if someone from my family did not even send me an invitation. All of my cousins did, from Poland and Ireland, even thought hey knew for sure I would not be attending.

My FH's grandfather was unable to come due to health but he still expected a Save the Date and an invitation.

Honestly, I feel like it would be rude not to send them an invitation. Even if you know they won't be able to attend, its family and they obviously know that you're getting married so they might be expecting one anyway. I am sending out invites to everyone on my guest list, even if I know they won't be able to attend. Its a nice gesture to let them know you're thinking of them.

Would you like if she did come? I'd send her one if so. We invited family & friends regardless of where they lived, if they were deployed, age, etc. I knew some wouldn't be able to go but a few surprised us and we did get gifts regardless. I didn't feel like we were sending invites just for gifts since we would be happy if they came even if they didn't bring a gift.

I would send the invitations if it is someone who you would want at your wedding if they were able to attend. I would not send invitations to people who you'd be not thrilled about if they RSPV'd yes. One thing to consider though, sometimes people who say they can't come DO end up coming - happened to someone I know and her guest list was 20 people over what she was supposed to be at. Just something to keep in mind!

I would never send an invite just to get a gift, however I do have a few guests I'm sending invitations to knowing they can't come, because I want them to know that if they could they would have been not only welcome, but wanted there.

If your mom says something like this again, if I was you, I would just have a heart-to-heart with her about how her saying such things distresses you, and that you don't want to invite people just for gifts.