Sending gift to couple who eloped?

I would, we considered eloping because people thought they could tell us how to do our wedding and who to invite. Maybe they just didn't want the stress of it.

I don't think you absolutely have to, but it would be a nice gesture.

Yes I think you should but you don't have to. Honestly cash is best. That way they can put it towards whatever they want. If you send a gift card, they have to spend it at that store. Just send the amount you were going to spend on gift card

It is a nice gesture, but not necessary. We eloped, and mailed wedding announcements to about 30 people. We were not registered and did not expect anything in return, although we did receive a few cards and gifts. IMO a card is sweet and thoughtful enough, anything more is up to you.

If it was me, I'd send a check, but probably like 50-75% of what I would give if I had attended the wedding.

If it were me I'd send a check or nice gift still.

You might call around and see if they have a registry set up.

If you hold someone in high regard, and are happy about their wedding to the point that you want to share in some small way in their happiness by offering them a token of your regard, then you ought to give them a gift. A gift should always be more valuable for the thought that went into it than for its costliness -- so you are absolutely right: a cheque is inappropriate.* A wedding gift should be something of lasting, heirloom quality: something that will be cherished as long as the marriage lasts.

A well-bred person never assumes, without some clear indication, that a gift will be acceptable. A gift presumes a level of intimacy that may not exist. A wedding invitation is a clear indication that such intimacy exists. A close social relationship -- such as regular exchange of social invitations to dinner, theatre or other substantial entertainments -- is also a clear indication. If you have such a reciprocal social relationship with a bridal couple, then you have probably noticed how they decorate their home and what formal china they have. Carefully select something that suits their tastes, or adds to what they already have, or that fills a gap in their household equipment. For example, an antique art-deco candy dish for a couple who have decorated their arts-and-crafts heritage home in vintage style; a pair of open-stock Denby coffee mugs for a couple who have Denby china but no matching mugs; a really nifty milk-frother gadget that you have used and loved, and noticed that they didn't have.

On the other hand, if you didn't get an invitation, and don't have such a reciprocal social relationship with them, send a heart-felt note of congratulations and leave it at that.

*Gifts of money are only "proper" when given from a senior person to a junior person. An employer can give money to an employee; a master can give money to a servant; a parent, grandparent or elder aunt or uncle can give money to a young family member. People who were reared with this rule of traditional etiquette can actually be offended by a gift of money, since it implies that you feel superior to them.

Not necessary, but I think it's a really nice gesture to send a gift! The Williams-Sonoma gift card sounds perfect!

I'm dumb. I just googled them to see if maybe they did set up a registry since I just assumed they didn't. They do have a registry set up since other people have been asking what to get them. Makes it easier!

Thanks everyone!

I would send a gift, esp for a family member or close friend. Even if it wasn't a family member clearly they consider you somewhat important to them that they sent you an announcement. It would not be as much as I would give if they have a wedding, most likely it would be a boxed gift (I prefer those anyway). My cousin got married Christmas Eve, it wasn't eloping but it was just a small ceremony before a church service and no reception-no formal invites sent, about a month's notice that it was happening, she's a few years younger than me, we sent them a $50 BBB gift card in a card. I would have sent more, but there was talks of a "reception" happening later this year, and if so I would like to attend and I'd give another gift.

Please send them a gift! My first husband and I just went to the courthouse and got married--nobody was there but us. We didn't have a wedding because we had only been working for about a year and we couldn't afford it. My parents, my older sister and her husband, my aunt and cousin, his parents, two of his aunts and one of his great aunts were the only people who gave us wedding gifts. One of my aunts told my mother that "if you don't have a wedding, you don't get gifts". And we had nothing when we got married--we were living in a furnished attic apartment using dishes that were giveaways at the gas station and pots and pans from the dime store. We were so grateful to the people who cared enough to send us a gift! (This was over 40 years ago so things are a lot different now, I know.)

I would probably send a nice card.

You never need to send anything, but it would be a very nice gesture. So if you have a good relationship with them, I would send them something! I like your idea of a card and a gift card.

Aspasia, what the heck?

You don't need to, but I think it's a really nice idea; even something small.

View Quoted Comment Why only 50-75% of what you would have if you attended the wedding? Assuming you'd spend more to attend a wedding, why don't they deserve the same amount of a gift???

My daughter is eloping this weekend. She HATES attention and refuses to register. I’m already getting questions about a registry. Also, her fiancée is more excited and would enjoy being celebrated in every way. Is there a very basics list.?” l

I think it depends on the relationship. If I am close with someone and they eloped, yes...I would send them a gift. Absolutely.

If I am not and it was a broad spectrum announcement, I might send a card. That is about it.

I have to chime in here people. My daughter-in-law in February 2018 and then sent wedding announcements. The only people that she received even a card from where her godmother and uncle. The people to whom I have given gifts to over the years for childbirth, weddings, their daughters weddings, their grandchildren’s birth, did not respond with even a card. I have to say that I was a bit hurt. All that going to say, if someone has extended themselves for you in the past, I think that you should respond to a wedding announcement with at least a card or a phone call.