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April
Just Said Yes October 2022

Send separate invitations to those we want to join us virtually??

April, on August 24, 2021 at 9:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
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My fiance and I are tight on money, so we can't invite everyone we'd hope to. Has anyone dealt with sending out 2 different kinds of wedding invitations??

We'd send in-person invitations to some on our list and then send a different invite to those we want to join virtually. I was thinking of just adding an extra note to those who we virtually invite, saying that we wish they could make it but we can't afford it.

22 Comments

Latest activity by Kiri, on September 2, 2021 at 9:55 AM
  • Jasmine S.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
    • Flag
    I think it's OK to invite some people virtually, but be very careful about how you word it. You never want to make someone seem like a "second-class" invite because they're not important enough to host in person. Just give them the livestream info, no need to explain your finances or anything as that's TMI.
    • Reply
  • I_Do_Too
    Devoted September 2020
    I_Do_Too ·
    • Flag
    I would send out an electronic invite to those you are inviting virtually
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't do this. You're essentially dividing your guests into 2 categories: those important enough to be invited in person and the 'second class' guests who are not important enough.. The only acceptable situation to divide guests into in-person and virtual categories IMO is due to Covid restrictions, not due to finances.

    Have the wedding you can afford and only invite the people you can host properly. There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding!

    • Reply
  • JM Sunshine
    JM Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    Please don't do this! Imagine not being invited in person and watching online and seeing all the people who made "the cut" but you didn't?!
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't do this unless you're having a teeny tiny covid wedding. This is literally telling people they didn't make the cut, and they'll have to see all the other people who are there in person. It also comes off as gift grabby.
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I agree with other posters. Most people have to make tough decisions to cut people due to costs. Split invites is ok with Covid restrictions, especially at the height of the surge when you couldn't have more than like 3 people together. Otherwise, it comes across as rude and possibly gift-grabby.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    This can come across as really rude. You'll run the risk of hurting the feelings of the "second tier" guests. I would stick to just your primary guest list.

    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone else. I would not do this. You're basically saying, "We want to show you the wedding, but you're not important enough to us that we want to buy you dinner." I get it, it's expensive, we're all in that boat. But this is very rude. And they'll see other people are there and wonder why they weren't invited to attend.

    If you want to offer a virtual option for those invited but cannot or don't feel comfortable attending due to COVID, then that is acceptable. But what you're planning is basically A list and B list which I definitely don't agree with.

    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Whoops I had typed this last night and never hit send….I see by now I’m just echoing the chorus!
    Honestly if it’s not a covid/health thing, I’d probably skip any sort of virtual invites. It’s okay not to invite everyone! We all have budgets and limitations and people understand that. But the second you have an in person group and a group that costs too much to invite, and suddenly they know who they are, things start to get weird. It’s just a digital version of a tiered wedding. People dont love getting told they’re not important enough for you to buy them dinner — it’s much more palatable to hear someone had a small wedding and be able to tell yourself (oh it must’ve been just family/insert other excuse here) when rationalizing why you didn’t get invited. Of course we know it’s not what you mean— you love these people and just want to include them somehow and that is nice and well intentioned , but in any scenario where there’s a clear line that to people that they’re not included in all the good stuff , the good intentions tend to get lost in the mix and people get hurt or offended that they didn’t make the in person list.
    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone, don't do this. Just don't invite them. You don't have to explain that you couldn't afford it.

    • Reply
  • G
    Savvy May 2022
    Gc ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I completely agree with Sara! Have the wedding you can afford. It is better to host 50 people well than to rudely host 150. As someone who has been to a wedding that was split into tiers like this, I can tell you that it definitely was not received well by anyone, including those of us who were invited to the entire thing. Everyone found it rude and unacceptable and it essentially says “you’re not important enough for us to pay to host you, but celebrate us and give us a gift anyway!”
    • Reply
  • bevbabe
    Devoted June 2023
    bevbabe ·
    • Flag

    Don't do this. It feels very rude. If anything just have the wedding you can afford and then put the link on Facebook and say it's for those that couldn't make it.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone else that this is not a good plan, for several reasons. Virtual weddings were a good option this past year for people who had to cut their guest lists to fit COVID-related restrictions, and going forward, they will still be nice for guests who are invited but can't travel due to poor health or something else out of their control.

    But I really hope these type of tiered events don't become the norm simply because of (very normal, understandable) budget reasons. You invite who you can afford and leave it at that. Everyone knows that weddings have budgets; virtual "invitations" (it's not really that inviting) are not the way around a budget.

    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Echoing the PPs, this isn't a good idea in any way, shape, or form. You're bound to offend the guests who don't make the cut, and by inviting them to view your wedding/reception but not actually attend, you're essentially rubbing it in their faces that they are second-tier guests. Much better to host a smaller wedding that you can afford, and treat everyone equally

    • Reply
  • R
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Rayvon ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think it’s anything wrong with it but I would not send them an invite. I would maybe just have a conversation with them and explain you are having a small wedding but they are welcome to watch virtually if they want to see the ceremony.


    That way they don’t feel obligated but you are still giving them the option to feel included.
    • Reply
  • JW
    Dedicated September 2021
    JW ·
    • Flag

    We're doing something similar - not a livestream, but a virtual gathering later in the evening. I understand that some may feel offended and certainly have the right to not participate. We don't have a registry. We're specifically asking our 1) international, 2) cross-country and 3) high-risk dear ones for an hour of their time if they are available and interested, which is what the invitation will read. We will celebrate with those who log on.

    If you decide to do it, don't add the extra note or explainer on the invite. The invitation is just as heartfelt and sincere as the one for your in-person guests, and "virtual" doesn't mean you've lumped them in with every last soul you know.

    So many people say the wedding is about remembering what you and your SO want. So if this is what you want to do, put on your thick skin, and do it unapologetically.



    • Reply
  • Jessyca
    Dedicated September 2021
    Jessyca ·
    • Flag

    TBH this happened to me and it was soooooooo not a big deal! Heres how it went down.

    My mom and i were originally invited to the wedding of my cousin once removed "A" - he is my cousin's cousin but we all grew up and had family gatherings together. The wedding was in new york but we live in california. Said wedding got postponed 3 times due to covid. A couple of months ago we recieved an evite with the date, time, and zoom instructions while my cousins (whom "A" has a closer biological relationship to) got their paper invite to attend in person.

    My mom and i were relieved that we didnt have to travel and we could just zoom in, though we would have been just as happy to support him there in person.

    If you are going the route of having some people in person and some people on zoom i think it is absolutely FINE in this day and age. How i would handle is paper invites to the people attending in person and evites to the people invited on zoom. For the evites a short and sweet wording along the lines of "Due to restrictions on (covid/venue/etc) we have decided to host a live streamed version of our wedding ceremony so that all of our family and friends can be included in our special day - we hope to see you there!"

    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    This was only acceptable when people were forced to suddenly downsize their already-planned large events because of Covid restrictions. Because your some of your guests will only receive an invitation to the virtual event (and never the actual one), it will be very obvious that there was never any intention to have them attend in-person.
    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Cinthia ·
    • Flag

    Just thought I'd give you my input since I'm on a similar boat as you.

    We are only having 50 people in attendance at our wedding but we will be having all our other friends and family that couldn't be there, join us virtually. We are sending out printed invitations to those 50 and electronic invitations to the rest; we're including instructions on how to join virtually and a sweet little message letting them know that we miss them and wish we could have them present.

    I think this is one of those situations where you really have to know your crowd.

    I know fairly well that those who will be joining us virtually are understanding, and won't be offended or resentful that they didn't get to be at my wedding in person. Several have even expressed that they're looking forward to experience our special day with us, even if it is from the comfort of their own home.

    If the situation allows it, my dear fiance and I plan to throw a big one year anniversary celebration where we'll include all of those that couldn't be present.

    Just someting to think about Smiley shame

    Wedding planning during these times, hasn't been easy, but it's doable!

    I know not everyone will agree but again, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and whatever you decide to do is up to you Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Again, any time you put your guests into levels of priority there might be hurt feelings. The best idea is to stick with your "A" list and have a smaller event.

    • Reply

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