Seeking Advice: Relative declined being Bridesmaid before even doing proposals. I’m still doing proposals even though my other female relatives have (

It won’t let me edit the post, the title cut off. The rest should say other relatives have (actually declared themselves) agreed to be bridesmaids, but I don’t want her to feel left out, so I’m planning to do one for her too, but instead of asking her to be a bridesmaid, what kind of sentiment can I put on the card for her?

If she already declined, she kind of left herself out. Did she just not want to or was it something out of her control? I’d say just buy her a candle or something she really likes and write her a heartfelt note about how important she is to you. Avoid saying “I wish you were a bridesmaid” or something that may guilt her if it’s out of her control. Just say I can’t wait to celebrate this big moment with you....and things along that line. I wouldn’t give her the bridesmaid themed items though.

I wouldn’t do this. I understand not wanting to make her feel left out but she’s clearly not worry about being included or she would have said yes to being a bridesmaid.

I agree with Sarah. This is why I'm not keen on proposal boxes. The good news is you knew before giving it to her that she doesn't want to be involved. She likely had her reasons to say no. I said no to being a bridesmaid for my FSIL. That doesn't mean I don't want her to have the best day but I didn't want the added responsibility while planning my own wedding. Looking back, I made the right choice.

I think it would be uncomfortable to still give her a box. It might come off as you trying to guilt or persuade her into it. This isn't the same as sending a wedding invite to someone who said they can't attend. You can give her the picture and candle for her next birthday or something.

Proposal boxes are a recent fad, so not everybody uses or expects them. And a lot of us dislike them. It puts a lot of pressure on a person to say yes, once someone has given a gift, when they know they cannot manage it, or just do not want to. The traditional polite thing has always been to ask someone in private, and share the details of the wedding, talk about costs, dates and such, not to surprise them. I have been present when surprises go wrong with oroosal boxes. Like everyone gets excited, says yes, and by a week later, all have turned around and said no, once they found that bride's plan was too expensive, required travel, or conflicted with something else. And I have been there when bride's have surprised 4-5 people with gifts brought to them in a restaurant. And 3 said no in one case. And all 5 if us could not do it in another. That bride had hysterics in the restaurant.
So if this person thought you were asking, and might surprise her with gifts, and decided to head off something she did not want, quietly letting you know she did not want to be in your wedding, then it would not please her to get a surprise box anyway. Don't do it.
I for one will be happy when this trend of giving gifts and formally proposing to bridesmaids, disappears. Don't need the guilt, or the little presents. Do not like gifts given before you have agreed to do something, like a bribe. I prefer the courtesy of being asked, privately, with enough information to make a decision. No pressure.

If she already declined I would not give her any type of special gift , I guess I don’t see the point. she’s a guest just like all your other guests so why does she need to receive a special gift/card?

I hate the idea of proposal boxes. To me it is a potential sign of a potential commitment to over the top bachelorette party, multiple showers, etc.

I agree with not giving one to her. I told a friend once how excited I was about her getting married and that I didnt want to be in the bridal party.
A week later we went to lunch, she handed me a box and got her camera ready. The box included a poster sized note asking me to be her maid of honor.
It was impossible to say no without feeling incredibly guilty.