Secret Vegas Bride Needs a 5-minute Internet Bridesmaid for Style Advice

The dress I’m wearing.

Another photo of the dress.

Veil option 1

Veil option two

Veil option three

Show option 1

Shoe option two

Shoe option three

Shoe option 4

Shoe option five

Shoe option six

Shoe option seven

While your wedding may not be to everyone’s taste, the biggest issue with it is not your venue, theme, or clothing, it’s the fact that you will be outright lying to your friends and family. That’s not OK. IMO once you include other people in your plans for a delayed celebration of marriage, because that’s what it is, not a wedding, you owe people the truth and the ability to make their own choice as to whether to prioritize this event over a wedding.

View Quoted Comment Wow. I think I just got wedding shamed for a wedding that hasn’t even happened yet. I didn’t think “which of these shoes do you guys like” would result in a scathing indictment of how my fiancé and I are choosing to live our life…but I guess the internet finds a way…
Maybe we’re selfish, but when one of us received a life-threatening diagnosis last month we decided that life is short and rather than attempt to please everyone else with a big wedding (to please our families) at a a church (neither of us are particularly religious but hey, this version of our wedding isn’t about us) on a date that would require postponing our urgency and passion we’re going to have the wedding that WE want: an intimate two-person affair at a small but extremely fun venue that wouldn’t be our family’s cup of tea but will allow us to feel like ourselves and really focus on each other. We’re not doing this with malicious intent. In fact, the ceremony we’ll later have (I guess you’d call it the fake wedding) is solely because we do want to include our families in some way. But knowing we were first able to do things our way and have the special madcap Vegas ceremony we always wanted will allow us to enjoy our family’s presence because we won’t have any resentment toward them for giving up the wedding we want for the one we feel they’d want. We’re doing the delayed celebration because we love our families and know they’d want to have some sort of event where we could all come together. But my fiancé’s dad is currently scheduled for a surgery with a lengthy recovery (6 months) and many of his relatives are facing financial hardship due to the impact of the war in the Ukraine. Delaying a ceremony would also give us time to save up and purchase international flights for the ones that otherwise wouldn’t be able to attend. But having the legal ceremony sooner than later is important to our situation, given that we’re now forced to factor in things like life insurance/death benefits, getting the sick partner onto the other’s health plan, etc. I don’t know why I’m defending our choice to an online stranger that doesn’t know anything about us or our situation but maybe it’s because I thought going on this forum would lift my spirits. Now I just want to deactivate this account and go back to quietly figuring out these details myself.
“You owe people the truth as to whether to prioritize this event over a wedding” diminishes what we’re trying to do to make the best out of some very difficult circumstances in order to have the intimate wedding we want while still finding a way to include our families. If someone doesn’t want to prioritize our delayed celebration because it’s not a “real” wedding that’s fine. But I’m confident our friends and family won’t share your cynical view of the situation and will understand. Current circumstances have resulted in a lot of stress and I just thought it might be fun to have a distraction and connect with people over wedding fashion, makeup, etc. But I forgot the number one rule of the internet: if life hasn’t been especially kind to you lately don’t expect the internet to give you a hug.

View Quoted Comment

I'm sorry for all your issues, but they honestly have nothing to do with anything. There is nothing wrong with your plan, or the timing and you have good reason to marry sooner rather than later but then just tell people the truth. It stops being about you and only you as soon as you involve others.

While I understand your reasons, I wouldn't lie to your guests. You will in fact have to tell the person officiating the ceremony with your family that you are already married otherwise they would be expecting to fill out a marriage certificate which since you are already married they can't do. Also depending on where this ceremony with your family is taking place witnesses might be required so your family or friends could wonder why no was asked to sign as a witness which could then lead to them questioning you.

Elopements are fine. Small weddings are fine. Short dresses and "non-traditional" venues are all fine. Lying is not fine. I agree with everyone else that you will feel so much better about everything and enjoy your Vegas plans that much more, if you are just honest with your loved ones. This is what I would tell you if you were my friend, so it's the best advice I can give as a stranger as well.

Honestly I agree with the others. It's fine to do your wedding in Vegas and then a vow renewal later, but don't lie to everyone about it.

I don’t see what everyone’s problem is. Elopements happen all the time and most of them happen without others knowledge. So many couples I know make the announcement after the fact, like it’s quite common. One of our groomsmen just eloped and him and his wife didn’t tell anyone. We got a text announcing they went to the courthouse haha. And now they’re planning a ceremony in July. No issues at all, because it’s really not that deep. It wasn’t a lie, they did it by themselves for themselves so what is it our business? The ceremony will be no different than any other wedding. Should I as a guest be upset that they already signed the papers in advance? Like why? Literally what difference does it make at all that a piece of paper was signed? How does that make the wedding all “fake” now that a piece of paper exists? It’s a celebration of love, an act of unity, it’s so much more than a piece of paper. Maybe I’m selfish like everyone else thinks on this subject, but it’s your wedding, no one else matters but you and your fiancé. Do it the way you want to. If people are offended you pre-signed a paper and don’t want to go to your “fake wedding” OH WELL BYYYE! Screw that. I’ll be the one to stick behind you and say screw everybody lol. I think it sounds super fun and rad, you don’t need to tell anyone before you do it. You’re doing it because it’s intimate for you two, and what’s intimate to people is personal, and what’s personal is nobody else’s business. Have fun!

View Quoted Comment It’s not that people are not willing to attend a delayed celebration, especially when the person is close to you. I’ve gone to a couple of those this year. No one lied to you so yours was a different situation. Again, people have a right to decide for themselves. There’s nothing wrong with a celebration after a marriage so why lie about it at all? It’s because these couples know at least a few people might care and discriminate, which makes the argument that it’s all the same and no one’s business completely moot if you ask me.