Second wedding etiquette

Honestly, I think it's up to you. If you want to do all this again it's your call. Personally I don't think it's necessary.

I feel that second time brides should still get the same "events" because they are still hosting a wedding. The shower, bachelorette, etc. I feel goes out the window if they A)do not want it or B)aren't hosting a reception (eloping). I'm not personally a second time bride but I love celebrating love and I'm all about it!

I agree that it's up to you. I'm a second-time bride...My MOH threw me a bachelorette (by which I mean she took me camping at the beach like we would have done anyways but she paid my half of the campsite) but AFAIK there will be no shower and that's totally fine by me. I don't think there are any rules to stick to.

Honestly the number of weddings shouldn't matter at all!... if she wants to do the shower and bachelorette thing then Great, but it should be her call... I am a second time bride and I honestly get kinda annoyed that people don't value a second wedding as important as the first just because they have done it before doesn't make it any different unless the bride and groom want it to be different

Thanks all! The internet had very mixed advice on this. I didn't know if guests would be put off by being invited to these events again so soon but sounds like it's fine!

I would talk to your sister and see what she wants. I totally get what you are saying but I don't think anything would be wrong with having or not having these pre wedding events.

Honestly, as a guest, I would be put off by being invited to these events again so soon. I don’t think a shower or bachelorette are necessary.

@Mrs. Coakley why is it not necessary? because its a second wedding? makes no sense to me

It just seems so soon to do all that again, but that's up to you. My first wedding was in 2010 but I didn't have any of those parties for that marriage anyway.

I think it's a little too soon. If i were a guest, I'd definitely have an issue with it if I had been invited to the recent previous wedding and had done gifts/money.

Sally, you wrote, "I honestly get kinda annoyed that people don't value a second wedding as important as the first...". I'm sorry if that's been your personal experience, but nobody here feels that way about second time brides or their weddings. We value each wedding represented in this community as a sacred, independent event. Of course, a second wedding should be as respected and valued as the first, but the truth is that showers and BPs aren't indicator of perceived wedding importance...at all. They're optional; 100% and for every bride/groom. There are plenty of first time brides who have not had either a shower or a BP. That doesn't mean their weddings aren't important or respected -- it means an optional, pre-wedding event didn't happen. Nothing more, nothing less.

There is no time restriction attached to the scheduling of someone's first/second/third/fourth wedding. However, realistically speaking, there is a proximity issue in this case, and, I'm sure, others like it, that may affect the way people on the prior guest list respond to an invitation to a shower in 2018 when they previously showered the bride in 2015 and gifted the couple at their wedding a month or two later. I remember, in detail, several weddings I attended in 2015. If I was invited to a second shower in 2018, I think my first thought would be, "Wait...didn't I just do this?" I'm not trying to stir the pot or come off as cold hearted and judgmental, but the OPs question really made me wonder how I'd react to such an invitation, and I'm trying to be honest.

I'm sure her sister's FH's relatives will want to attend her shower, so it's really up to the OP to decide if she wants to do this all over again, but if she does, I would expect a percentage of declines from those on the prior guest list.

I don't think it is her call to have a shower, any more than it is any bride's call.

That decision belongs to anyone who might host and the guests who might attend. They already helped her to set up her household once. How many times are family and friends expected to do this?

As a second time bride, I would not allow anyone to host another shower.

She can host a non gift giving event like a brunch, luncheon, tea or cocktail party if she wants to celebrate with her female friends. A bachelorette is also fine.

I would have a bachelorette party but not a shower. Similar to how you generally don't have a baby shower for the second baby.

I would talk to your sister about it first. As a guest, I would honestly be a little annoyed if I attended the last events, just because that wasn't long ago and it seems like a way to just get gifts. But depending on the circumstances - like how long was the last marriage? Did she just get divorced and is marrying quickly or is there more to the story? I am having a similar situation in my family now - she is divorcing because she cheated, now wants to get married to the other guy (she was also only married for a short time).... so that is something that I mean when I say the situation.... but really I would just talk to her because she might not want those things to begin with - maybe she just wants a wedding and no shower or bachelorette party?

Personally, I'm not having a shower or bachelorette party the first time so I sure as heck wouldn't the second time. A luncheon or girls going out for wine or something could be fun though.

I think this might depend as much on the bride as a first wedding does. This is a 2nd both for myself & FH. This one is actually much larger than my first since I did a 20 person destination the first time but his first was 200 ppl at a country club. We're not having a bridal party which I think has taken the pressure off of the "do we throw a shower/bachelorette/etc"? FH and I have been living together for a couple years now and have accumulated everything we need (2 households combining actually means 2 of most things).

However- since your sister is newly divorced she might want a shower. I don't know how much she got in the divorce or how much she has been able to replace in the last year or so. When I first got divorced I literally started from scratch & needed dishes, utensils, pits & pans, etc.

Muriel...your post was direct, accurate, and it got to the heart of the matter. It is a post that makes complete sense and probably expresses the unspoken words of plenty of this particular bride's family members.

I know terrible, unforeseeable things happen in marriages, and sometimes they end before they even have a chance to begin. That's what this situation sounds like, but the details are still private and should remain between the couple. However, regardless of the situation that led to the divorce, I'd make it very easy on everyone if I were the bride in question. I'd make it abundantly clear to my bridal party that I did not want a wedding shower with gifts off of registries. Very clear...as in, "I'm not kidding. This feels wrong because..." and then I'd elaborate. I like the idea of a giftless event, but I doubt very much that the family of the bride's FH are going to like the idea of no gifts...and that's why a shower becomes a complication in this situation.

I'd just make sure my bridal knew I was not ambivalent about a shower -- I'd let them know that I absolutely didn't want one. A BP? Fine...if the ladies want to have a night on the town, so be it. Showers and BPs have no similarities beyond the optional factor.

I guess my fear was exactly what Sally said, that she will feel like her second wedding is not as important as it was two years ago.

Now that you put it that way Rachel I see how silly it is to say that but I still worry that I will hurt her feelings if I don't do all the things I did the first time around.

No. Unless maybe if her first spouse passed away. And even then only maybe.

If she is not doing it for gifts this should be abundantly clear to her, and if she's only in it for gifts then it shouldn't happen anyway.

I don't think there are a set of expectations- it will vary from bride to bride. This happens to be my second wedding, and I am foregoing bridal parties. Also, I have let my family know that 1.) I would not accept a dime from them, as they contributed the first time around and 2.) I would absolutely not want a shower. I would feel absolutely disgusting asking my family members to host and provide a shower gift for a second time when I use much of what I received the first time around.

My besties are insisting upon hosting a bachelorette. This I'm comfortable with because they are the driving force behind it - not me dictating.