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Hayley
Just Said Yes October 2020

Second engagement - first wedding - ok to change bridesmaids?

Hayley, on February 6, 2020 at 10:46 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

I was engaged and broke off the relationship two months prior to the wedding. I had six bridesmaids selected for the previous wedding. Flash forward a few years and I'm planning this wedding and I'm wondering if it is ok to change bridesmaids? We'd like a smaller bridal party and some relationships with previous bridal party members have shifted. Is this tacky? How would you go about doing this and if so, would a conversation with previous bridesmaids be something you'd recommend?

18 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on February 7, 2020 at 10:36 PM
  • Kevin
    Super October 2021
    Kevin ·
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    Not at all weird to tacky to change bridesmaids. This is a new wedding with a new man and friendships can change. I think it you want to remove people or add new ones it would be okay. Do any of the old bridesmaids assume they are still bridesmaids? In my opinion their bridesmaids duties stopped when that wedding was cancelled so you shouldn’t have to talk to them unless they would be offended. I would ask all your new ladies and only talk to them if they bring it up. They’ll get the hint. Good luck!
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    I'm confused. Are you engaged to the same person again or is this a new guy? Either way I think it's completely fine to ask different people. A lot can change in a few years. I know people that had girls in their wedding party 2 years ago, that they no longer even speak to. As long as these people know that the wedding was called off a few years ago and don't just think you've had a long engagement, I think it's fine!

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  • Hayley
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Hayley ·
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    Sorry, should have clarified. Engaged to a different person and everyone is aware of that. Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it!

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  • Hayley
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Hayley ·
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    Thank you!!! Kind of where my mind was at, but I just wanted to get some other opinions. Appreciate the response!

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  • D
    Dedicated July 2020
    D ·
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    This a a fresh new process! There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing up the bridal party. It’s not the same wedding so I don’t think you need to explain yourself to your friends. I’m sure they understand the situation and support you in your choice to want things to be different this time around. Happy wedding planning!!!
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think it makes sense actually since relationships have changed since then
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  • Concetta
    Super March 2020
    Concetta ·
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    Hi, I think that is perfectly fine to change bridesmaids!

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Totally fine to change! It would be inauthentic for you & then to keep them the same if you’re no longer close (if a past friend asked me I’d feel sooo awkward). Plus, you’re choosing a smaller bridal party now which helps too. 👍
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  • Private User
    Dedicated September 2020
    Private User ·
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    Totally cool to change bridesmaids. I also wouldn't worry about having a conversation with the past bridesmaids. Just plan this one the way you want.
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  • Flame Princess
    Dedicated April 2021
    Flame Princess ·
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    Pick who you want! Honestly, I had a wedding that didnt go through and Im not using any of the same bridesmaids. I dont think any of them really care now bc we're either not friends or babies happened. No one has said anything, even the one Id rather have as a guest this time around.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I was engaged in 2012 but didn’t get married and I chose a new moh the second time. Relationships change over time and I didn’t think anything of it. I picked someone who I’d been closest to for 5 years and made my original moh a bridesmaid since she moved to Europe and we never talk anymore. Well she freaked out that she wasn’t moh and had a huge tantrum over it and made some excuses not to come to my wedding. Then after the wedding she acted all nice through text, maybe she saw the pics and felt bad idk.
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  • Kaitlyn
    Devoted October 2020
    Kaitlyn ·
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    It’s a different wedding, you can ask who you want to be in it
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  • AnaA
    Savvy October 2026
    AnaA ·
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    It is definitely not not tacky to change. This is a new wedding that you are planning from. Plus overtime relationships with friends change and it is okay to not include them in your special day. Do what makes you happy.

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  • Amanda
    Dedicated January 2021
    Amanda ·
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    Not tacky at all! I had a similar situation. I was engaged and we called it off 6 months before. I had 6 bridesmaids and aren't close with three anymore and the 4th was his sister. I have 3 bridesmaids this time and only two were asked that were in my first wedding party Smiley smile

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Treat it like the other is ancient history. Have fewer people, and only those you are close to still, or new people. General etiquette rule, is to never point out or say why you did not choose someone. At best, lots of bad feeling will be created, for those who take everything as targeted criticism. It can lead to fights to no purpose. If someone asks you in private, why not me? Be tactful. Groom B and I together have a different style as a couple, and want a smaller party, and I spend more time with different people than a few years back. No details that people can argue with.
    This stuff will come up again with invitations, party guest lists. Don't try to justify your decisions, if they are reasonably fair. Everyone does not get chosen. As long as you are not outrageous, leave it alone. Our wedding, this is what we wanted, for anything where it is a matter of style.
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  • Mrs.hays
    VIP April 2018
    Mrs.hays ·
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    I think it’s fine to change, you’re planning a whole different wedding than you were before.
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  • Tanyia
    Expert February 2020
    Tanyia ·
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    It's been a few years -- people and relationships with them change. Revise your bridesmaids!

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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    I think this is perfectly okay. dynamics change and different friends become more important factors in your relationship bubble.

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