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Dedicated September 2019

Seating chart- a family affair???

Sarah, on July 28, 2019 at 8:58 PM Posted in Planning 0 9

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How much say are you giving your families on the seating chart?

Our parents are each roughly paying for half of the wedding. What I’ve been invisioning is us with our bridal party at the head table, then each set of parents at their own table right in the front with other VIPs. My parents would sit with my moms siblings and their significant others (who I’m all very close to. My FH is lucky enough to have all four of his grandparent (I don’t have any). I’d really like his grandparents sitting up front with his parents. We have a great relationship with them and I feel they deserve the special treatment of being up front and getting served first, etc.

FHs mom keeps telling us she’ll help with the seating chart when it’s time because she has requests. Apparently one particular guest (random family friend who I’ve never met) doesn’t know anyone else and has requested to sit by the grandparents, which FMIL keeps telling us. However we want them up front at the “vip” table . Also other guests are telling her who they don’t want to be by.

I dont know how to handle the situation. FH and I have no ambitions of having the seating chart be a family project. And I personally feel that people can only have their assigned tables during dinner, then have all night to mingle with whoever they want.

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Latest activity by Hannah, on July 31, 2019 at 6:06 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 28, 2019 at 9:14 PM
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No one else will have any input on our seating chart. To combat issues like this, if there were any guests who knew no one besides us or our parents, they were given a plus one. I understand not wanting to be alone, but random family friends have no place at the immediate family tables.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on July 28, 2019 at 9:16 PM
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I would stick to the guns and place the VIPeople up front. And let her know that this is something important to you and her son, you appreciate the help, but want to get the bulk done and if you run into trouble you will gladly ask for her Opinion.

Maybe the single friend would fit at the VIP table? Or the grandparents can be placed at the third front table?

I, personally, am having FH & I do the seating. He and I are paying for the wedding( we are older) and I might have my mom help- simply because she truly doesn’t care where anyone is seated- as long as my son is with her- and she can help me out people who like certain things/do certain things together.
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Super August 2019
Michelle · on July 29, 2019 at 9:23 AM
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We have 16 people from my mom's family attending and to keep the families together (mom, dad, adult children) I can fit them perfectly into 2 tables. My mom isn't a fan of this as she was hoping to have certain people sitting with certain people (not because they don't get along but some are closer to others than who they will be sitting with). I told her if I split them up the way she wants we'd have 2 tables of 5 and a table of 6. Which I think is unfair to those who will need to have a table of 8. I'm taking parents thoughts about it into consideration but ultimately it's our wedding and we're paying for it and if we decide that's how we want it, then they will just have to deal with it. Like you said, it's mostly just for dinner. Some people will leave after that and others will probably be up dancing or mingling so it won't really matter for most of the night.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 29, 2019 at 9:27 AM
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I did not let others help with the seating chart. I was perfectly willing to hear inner group dynamics, so I had a better idea of who should/shouldn't be near each other. I also showed the seating chart to my MIL to verify her side of the family (more of them I don't know quite as well). However the chart was already done by the time she saw it.
I definitely agree that the VIP table should only be VIPs. Unless the friend is going as a +1, they really shouldn't be there unless they are that important to you. Maybe see if you can squeeze them into a table right next to them, but it's entirely up to you. This is part of the reason why I had random 'additions' to a wedding. It always make things super awkward when you only know 1 other person, and that other person needs to spend time with family/friends beyond them!
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Master October 2019
Jolie · on July 29, 2019 at 9:40 AM
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I am doing my own seating chart with FH's input. I'll only ask my mom for suggestions once we get closer to the date because my side of the family has weird amounts of children we have to fit appropriately at the tables. Otherwise, it really doesn't need to turn into a group project.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 29, 2019 at 4:40 PM
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I didn't really care much for where our parents people sat so long as it was within the designated tables I allotted
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 29, 2019 at 4:40 PM
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For instance I gave my dad three tables, so his people just had to fit within those three tables aha
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on July 31, 2019 at 5:37 PM
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I don't think it's a good idea to let the rest of the family help with the seating chart. That will just cause drama, and resentment, because not everyone will get what they want, and ultimately you and FH will be the bad guys if you insist on having your way (it is your wedding after all). Better just to take their opinions into account, and you and FH figure out what you'd like, and then present it to the parents or whoever. This way it's done, and nobody can do anything about it.
You might also remind the family that these seats will mostly be occupied during dinner. At most weddings I've been to, everyone gets up and mingles, dances, visits with other tables after dinner, and some never come back to their original seat!
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on July 31, 2019 at 6:06 PM
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I asked both sets of parents about requests and how to group friends of theirs. It was actually really helpful because I had no idea what to do with a few of MIL's cousins who I had never met and husband met once years ago. I generally made the table groupings and then asked for input of who I was struggling with combining and then placed groups at tables based on proximity to the sweetheart table. We did most stuff collaboratively throughout the planning process.
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Seating chart- a family affair???

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