Seating arrangement etiquette

I've never heard of that. Getting input sure, but not carte blanche. What about asking your FH?

Honestly I'm coming up to that same situation very very soon. I've only met fiance's family 3 times and know maybe a couple names and who is who. I'm going to be depending on her entirely for who should go where. Fiance is not close with his family at all and wouldn't know.

I do think its weird for her to tell you exactly which seats instead of just a general, loose list of who gets along with who. Is she being adamant or maybe she's just excited to be doing something important for the wedding?

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Hope all works out for you and that it goes smoothly!

Yes, she may just be excited to be involved, she's really very sweet and has been great. But then suddenly she sent my FH a list of all the tables and who she wants at each one and says "it's her right to do it"...but hoping we can compromise.

So what I am doing as far as seating is splitting it up between my family and his. His mom will figure out who sits with who for his side. And my mom will do the same with my side. I'll make adjustments if needed. Like you I don't want any weird number of people sitting at a table. But honestly it would take me so much longer to figure it out on my own. No need for me to stress over it if they know who to sit together.

It sounds like she wants to be involved, but a bit too controlling. If you aren't comfortable with her doing the seating chart then just explain to her that you welcome her input but ultimately want to do it yourself to ensure the right balance between both sides.

As a compromise though, you can have her write out her ideas on seating (like who at what table), and go from there. Take what she comes up with and edit as needed.

I have this same issue with my FMIL. She informed me that she will do the seating for their side. To which she received total phone silence from me. Then she added “and you can go over it”. I’m mad because I was looking for traditional seating with family as the tables closest to us. But she wants to sit her mother 3 tables away and her sister near the bathroom. I wanted her mother, the grooms grandmother, at the first table with his groomsmen and parents. She wants her friends at the first table. FH doesn’t see the big deal either way. And I’m just upset because that means it’s me vs FMIL for seating chart control. I would rather create the seating chart and she can go over it to verify the people sitting together will get along.

I think you can say, our tables sit 8 (or whatever), yes send me suggestions.

I plan on blending our families at the tables based on ages. Parents and grandparents, aunts/uncles, older cousins, younger cousins.

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Thank you.

If she's not putting any money into the wedding or helping out in some other big way then no, its not her "right" to do it. You value her opinion and knowledge because she's known these people much longer but that doesn't give her permission to go nuts with it. Compromise may be possible but you need to make a line in the sand and don't budge.

If you want certain people sitting together, like all the parents and grandparents from both sides at one table, and any other important people like that then do that. You have say over the people closest to you and your fiance. To appease her you can give her the rest of the guests that you're okay with her doing seating for. You get to choose your important tables and she gets to still help and fix the seating for her side.