Schizophrenia, but not anger?

Are you able to have a conversation with your Dad about it and how he thinks he can handle it? What about having him for only the reception? I feel like with schizophrenia you might have to make that call at the very last minute.

True, but I don't think the solution is only having him there for part of the wedding. Maybe talking to him in one of his saner states of mind may work...

partly I was just... kinda checking if other brides have this problem, maybe not even with a dad, but someone close

I don't have experience in my family but when I was a bartender one of my regulars was schizophrenic. He was a really nice guy but he didn't quite know what social norms were [personal space etc.] and he rubbed some people the wrong way. I treated him like I would anyone else and helped correct him when he acting incorrectly [reminding him people need space etc,].

I would definitely let your in-laws and the church clergy person know in advance as well as if anything in particular sets him off that way they can make any adjustments. I would definitely talk to your dad when he is in a clear state of mind about your concerns because he does not want to overshadow the wedding I am sure.

First of all, my biggest concern is that your father is not receiving treatment. Schizophrenia is a disease of the brain, not a weakness, and he needs to understand that medication will have a profoundly positive impact on his life.

You need to figure out the worst case scenarios of inviting him vs. not inviting him. Inviting him could mean complete anxiety on your part (waiting for the episode), an outburst that will permanently mar your ceremony, or inappropriate behavior at the reception. Not inviting him could have a serious impact on your relationship, if not estrangement. Which possible scenario could you live with, and which scenario would be devastating to you. Base your decision to invite him upon your own personal answer.

If he attends, he needs to be managed by someone. Find someone you trust, and ask them to remove him if he becomes a disturbance.

Lastly, consider speaking to a therapist to work through your own feelings of confusion and guilt relating to dad.

Cont.

Depending on the severity of his condition, I would probably consider including him in some of the events. A rehearsal dinner, a much more casual affair, might be a great place for your FH's family to meet him (no religious icons in a restaurant). I'd probably include him in the photos, as well. That's a big chunk of special wedding time. Only you know if he will be able to handle the "all eyes on him" reality if he walks you down the aisle; plus there are strong emotions related to this particular moment that impact almost every father (the music, the solemnity, and the pageantry -- it's all very powerful). Think that over.

You don't need to hide your father away, but you do need to protect yourself from being hurt. He has made a decision to deny treatment. You have every right to make your decision, as well.

Good luck. He's lucky to have such a caring and thoughtful daughter.

My grandmother suffers from this as well but she passed away last Februrary, so I know what you are talking about. While I won't have anyone at my wedding that suffers from that particular mental illness I do have a few other very important family members that suffer from other mental illnesses - one of which I had to uninvite for a while.

It's tough but in the end you can't control whether they seek treatment or whether they are healthy at that moment. A mental illness is more difficult to treat than a lot of physical illnesses because of the psychological problems

I've decided I just have to adjust to the fact that I can only control my actions and I have asked close family members to keep an eye on the individuals that I am worried about to make sure that they are doing okay throughout the day so that I don't have to be worried. I want them there but I know having them at my wedding is a risk. To me it is worth it as I can't imagine my wedding without this individual present

My cousin is a paranoid schizophrenic and he lives in a treatment home. He's allowed to go places with his parents (aunt and uncle) so I always saw him at holidays and family gatherings. Last month my aunt died, and there was great discussion about whether or not he could handle the funeral. In the end, they decided to let him come and he was fine. But he also has been going through intensive treatment for 30 years. Without the treatment, it would've been a mess.

I have experience working with people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. First I need to respond to the Centerpiece Flowers comment "he has made a decision to deny treatment" - people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses such as bi-polar disorder don't make informed decisions regarding treatment. Often the illness affects their judgement and decisions and people with mental illness sometimes have difficulty accepting the fact that they require medication or treatment.

I think you are the best judge on how you think your dad will handle the day. Maybe you can talk to your FH's family and explain your dad's illness. I think you also need to decide how you will feel if he does get anxious during the ceremony. How will you feel if he isn't part of the ceremony? Looking at both options, will help you to decide what the best decision for you is.

This is your special day. I think if you handle this delicately and honestly, I think everyone will be understanding.

My uncle has this disorder and for a long time all contact was cut off from him by my dad and aunt because of it. After about 10 years they just started rebuilding their relationship. I invited him because I love my uncle and I'm glad my dad is rebuilding this relationship with his brother. However, I have not talked to him in over 10 years so I have no idea how this will play out. As far as I know he is taking medication for it but also has a drinking problem.

I can't say I am in the same exact predicament as you - but my SIL is mentally ill as well and I hve been worried about her actions at my wedding since I got engaged.

She is bipolar w/ a drug/alcohol problem. So when she drinks she sort of goes off the deep end to put it mildly. She has a lot of depression issues as well and often takes them out on me because I got "the happy ending" she should have had with my brother (who passed away unexpectedly at age 25).

I tried to discuss my concerns with her during one of her trips to rehab/inpatient treatments and basically I got the "well I am going to drink no matter what" and I dont care if you think its rude of me to cry and scream about how I should be married to your brother and how I could've saved him and how horrible I feel ...

Needless to say, between my parents, her parents, my FH - we came to the decision it would be better for her not to attend.

I guess what I am trying to say is - does it matter if he cleanses cont'

Your FH's family? Would it upset them to know your father is mentally ill? Would they be understanding of the situation? Have you discussed it with them openly and honestly?

All of those factors play into the big picture - but the biggest question you need to ask yourself is - Do you want you dad to miss out on your special day because he is sick?

I know in my case, I can't deal with the stress my SIL creates when she is around me...I had to make a painful decision to exclude her from all the wedding festivities - but not because I dont love her but because I need my sanity and I need to make sure I can enjoy myself without worrying about her grabbing the mic from the band and ranting/raving for an hour about my brother's death.

First off, thank you everyone! I feel the support and see that I am not alone, which obviously I wouldn't be with all the people getting married, but thank you all the same.

I comfort myself that he is high functioning, and those of you that worried over the fact that he does not take medication, I agree... It would be best if he was helped, which is why I spend much time with him, because more contact seems to help. However, there is no convincing that will work because he believes that the government sedates (medicate) those who know The Truth.

I believe my FH's family may understand if we got together with them beforehand and explained. Thanks y'all!

All of these posts seem to be old, but your wedding seems to be far away...I don't know if one of the dates is incorrect, but I'm hoping these posts are relevant and your account still valid.

My older brother has schizophrenia and I was the only one to have him taken against his will to receive treatment with no assistance from my family over a year ago. He was in a mental hospital for a few months and then he was released last Summer. He's been living with my maternal grandmother since. She drives him to his monthly shots and makes sure he takes his medications in front of her. He's on maximum dosages per state allowance, and he still hears voices, sees things, makes scary movements towards invisible people and objects, and hardly sleeps. He has gained over 400 lbs. from this mental illness, and he frightens people.

My fiance has always gotten along with my brother, but hasn't been around him in a very long time. He has seen my patience and frustration and pain throughout all of this, and he has tried explaining my brother's condition to his family, but if you don't have experience with mental illness it's very difficult to understand and also, not be scared of it for 4 days at a destination wedding.

I think the advice to weigh the pros/cons is good; it's what my fiancé and I are trying to do right now. My grandmother (who lives with him and is accustomed to his 'imaginary friends' as she likes to call them) is not happy at all that we are most likely going to choose not to mention our wedding to him...which is very different than 'not inviting him' which she likes to call it. She is acting like I'm an awful sister, an awful person. My whole life I've lived under his shadow, and have suffered tremendous consequences due to his ongoing problems/illnesses/conditions, and I just want one thing to not be f'd up by him. My wedding. Is that so much to ask?

I think your issues with your father are very close to what I'm dealing with respective to my brother. All I can tell you is that if the worst were to happen, are you ok with him doing whatever it is he's been prone to do on your day? In my case, my brother disappears, he messes himself, he screams at people that aren't there, he stares off blindly into corners, he makes movements like Mr. Miyagi swatting flies as if he sees flies everywhere all around him, and he jabs the air as if sword-fighting ninjas. Am I ok with it? Not really. It makes me cry every time I see him. Every time I spend time with him I'm sneaking around corners to get some tears out and then pretend to have sneezed or be allergic to something...I can't be around him and feel normal, much less happy. I don't want to be crying for the wrong reasons on my wedding day. And I also don't want to be the bad guy. I am starting to feel like I should tell my grandmother not to come. That mean-spirited judgement when she's never walked a day in my shoes is toxic - whether she's family or not.

If you have support, and like one member said 'someone to watch him at all times', maybe it's going to be just fine. But in our case, to expect him to fly in a plane and travel 3000 miles disrupting his schedule and to be so niece as to just 'hope' something doesn't go wrong is really pretty stupid on our parts. We're paying for our own wedding anyways. It's not like my parents are paying and asking nicely for us to invite him; they dumped him on my grandma and are embarrassed of him. You'd think they would step in and either say they'd take care of it - either by being his babysitters for 4 days on the trip or by standing up for me and telling my grandmother what the score is.

I feel for you, and the fact that this is your father. But like another member said, wedding drum up all kinds of deep sentiments, and this, in my experience, is just going to push someone with schizophrenia over the edge.

Good luck with your decision. Be strong.