Scheduling Conflict With Potential moh

I don’t have any advice but hopefully everything works out! One by BMs (my cousin) is going to be a MOH in her friends wedding and her friend realllllly wanted the date I’ve had locked in since February so my cousin was panicked! Her friend ended up going with a different date so everything worked out, hopefully that’s the case for you too.

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Thank you, I'm definitely hoping that'll be the case!

One of my bridesmaid's sisters was considering planning her wedding the same day as ours. Keep in mind I had a 2.5 year engagement so very early on, when our date was booked and she was just considering, my friend mentioned to her that was my wedding day. Her sister knew we were close and knew she would be in my wedding. She asked my friend if she would skip my wedding to come to hers. My friend said she didn't know, but assumed she would be in the wedding and would prefer to not have to make the choice. Her sister got married two weeks after us (or one week, I don't remember). She adjusted her date once she knew my wedding was the same day she was considering.

Have your friend talk to her SIL. She shouldn't ask her to move, but should let her know of the potential conflict. If she is important to your SIL and they have nothing set in stone, they may be willing to adjust their plans to ensure she can go to both.

Before my FH and I actually signed our contract with our venue, we asked our immediate family members if our chosen date would be a problem for any of them. If someone close like my sister or FH's brother had said they had another equally-important event or appointment already scheduled on that day, we would have changed it because of course we want our siblings there. So, I would assume that if your best friends boyfriend told his sister "actually my girlfriend and I are going to be attending another wedding that day, and my girlfriend is IN the wedding" then his sister would be like "oh ok no problem, we'll think of another date because of course I want my brother to be at my wedding". Maybe suggest to your friend that her boyfriend do this, if he hasn't already. Hope everything works out for you!

Have you actually set a date with any vendors, or the venue (Meaning put any deposits down)? If not I would switch now and give your friend the date to mark her calendar. At that point, even if the SIL changes to that weekend your friend is already booked for yours. Otherwise, you are the second offer for that weekend and you probably will not be able to have your best friend there. I personally think a best friend is far to important a piece to a wedding to just do without.

If you’ve booked everything and are sure you are asking your friend to be MOH than I think you should ask her ASAP so she knows to block off that date. Most likely she’ll tell her SIL she’s MOH in a wedding that day and sister will pick a different date. I ran into that situation with my wedding and two other this summer (one I’m in and one is my cousins) and when I officially booked they knew that wasn’t a date that they wanted to plan a wedding for. The sister isn’t going to want to pick a date that her brother and sister in law aren’t going to be available for.

Omg same thing happened with my sister and my best friend. I was in the bridal party of both. I told my sister if she had it the same weekend as my friends (hers was booked for a year plus, that I would be hungover at my sisters. ) and my wedding was booked the following week, the following year, SO my sister had an awesome beach wedding the THIRD WEEKEND IN OCTOBER, because that is the kind of luck my sister has meanwhile I got a pretty cold wedding day the following year after.

View Quoted Comment The best friend may still decline and pull out of the wedding. Asking first does not lock things in, that is wishful thinking, like people who send Save the Dates 15-18 months ahead, figuring that the first wedding or event someone hears about, is an obligation. But that is asking someone before they have full information. In fact, until the usual ( not sent out super early) invitation time, 6-8 weeks before the wedding, a person can look at conflicting invitations, and choose to go to the one with the closest relationship. If your mom or sibling or other family members get engaged and set their same date wedding many months later, or it turns out the person's SO is graduating college, whatever the conflict, they are not locked in to a friend's wedding, because they knew about it six months or a year earlier. This is a common misconception about invitation etiquette. Even if bride changes her date to accommodate, it won't guarantee friend will not end up going to the FSIL wedding instead, or to that of someone else.

This sort of happened to me but I wasn't a MOH. My one bestfriend almost picked the same date as my other friend (other friend booked first) and I expressed this to my bestfriend and said obviously I am going to be in your wedding but I would leave to go to other friend's reception. She ended up picking a later date, like 1 to 2 weeks after cuz she decided to go with a different location that was easier/cheaper. I don't think you can make her choose. I wouldn't change your date either. You may never know what happens with the other bride and if she ends up changing her date. Is it possible she can do both weddings? Why don't you pick a different MOH in the case that the dates do end up being on the same day?

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I'm not sure where her SIL is planning to get married but I'd guess it would be about an hour away from my ceremony/reception. I'm hoping that worst-case-scenario she can go to my ceremony and her reception or vice versa but of course I understand there's still the possibility she may not be able to come to mine at all. I'd be more open to changing the date if her SIL had things set in stone. I don't want to change my date based on a "maybe" if that makes sense. Right now I'm just going to book my date and see what happens. I won't contact her SIL and I won't pressure my friend one way or the other. I just wish she didn't need to be in this position at all.

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I'm not saying it's a rule of thumb for everyone, but if it were my best friend (and the same goes for my bestfriends to me), if I had my friends date first that would mean it took priority when another person asked. I also agree with the statement of having your bff communicate with SIL, if she hasn't set her date in stone she is probably flexible when it comes to important guests being there.

View Quoted Comment I agree when it comes to a friend ,having made a commitment to be MOH I would never break it for another friend. Yet I did once break from being a BM at 6 months out. When this friend asked, it was 18 months out. Then within a week, my sister set hers for a Friday evening, and my husband's sister on Saturday. Family, though engaged later, came first, 300 miles away from the friend's wedding. I still did the shower solo for my friend, a full meal plus party as people came a distance and we had room. And I kept my deal with bride and made her gown. But went to two family siblings' weddings, not my friend's. Hard decisions. Happily, she had a friend for years who lived in California who moved back to NH 5 months before her wedding, and I was easily replaced with someone she would have chosen also, had she been closer at the time friend chose her bridal party.