Jessica
Dedicated September 2019

Scared we lost some cards - Over 30 guests with no card?

Jessica, on September 25, 2019 at 9:22 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
Saved
Reply

We just had our wedding on Saturday and it was magical Smiley heart We couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.

Some people were beyond generous. I'm a little nervous though because I don't know who packed up the card box, but we had over 30 guests not give anything (so am wondering if some got lost). It's *totally* okay if people couldn't give anything, I guess I'm just surprised and also a little hurt by lack of congratulatory, heart-felt cards, even one from the dollar store, or even a hand-made card, or even a sweet note on a piece of scrap paper. DH auntie is a HUGE card person and even if nothing was in it, we were shocked by no sweet card....


What does one do?? I think i know who packed up the card box, but don't know what I would ask...like, did everything go in the same envelope?? Idk....


14 Comments

Latest activity by Rose, on September 25, 2019 at 11:47 PM
  • Jordan
    Expert September 2019
    Jordan ·
    • Flag

    How many guests did you have in total? I wouldn't worry about it too much. Apparently etiquette says that people have up to a year to send a gift. It may be weird to ask the person who packed up the card box.

    • Reply
  • H
    Just Said Yes October 2017
    Halle ·
    • Flag
    We thought the same thing but ended up with around 15-20 no gifters. 2-3 rolled in within the year but overall we were shocked. We didn't realize attending a wedding without a gift or at least a card was a thing. Crazy thing is, almost 2 years married later and I can name every single person that didn't give a gift. Most were my husband's friends, which I would understand if they were maybe single men, but most attended with their wives. I would say just don't worry about it and move on and enjoy each other. Congratulations!
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
    • Flag

    I would let it go. Surprisingly (and sadly) a lot of people do not gift anymore. We had a TON of people come to our couples shower empty handed and we didn't get many gifts at the wedding either (compared to the amount of people we invited). A few even gifted random things that were not on the registry. We even told me parents the amount of money we got in cards and it was nearly half of what they received 25 years ago! They were shocked!

    We are grateful for everything and we didn't invite anyone just so they'd gift, but it was a surprise.

    Honestly though, made writing thank you cards easier, since there were less.

    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Agree with the above— I learned at our wedding that not gifting is surprisingly common! I feel like we really didn’t leave the wedding with a whole lot of cards ourselves. Of the missing day of— some sent gifts to our home , some gave us the card at a later time , and some....did nothing at all.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Congratulations 🎉 first and foremost and secondly, some people may not have given you anything. That happened to me. We knew there were people who absolutely didn't because everyone wrote their name on their card. We may have had a few no names but even when you account for those it's obvious some didn't give.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    We got cards from people who didn't send a gift prior, but most people who purchased a gift off our registry didn't give a card.

    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't worry too much about this. A lot of people don't really give cards at weddings anymore. Congratulations on your wedding!

    • Reply
  • Valentina
    Devoted September 2019
    Valentina ·
    • Flag
    All but two of DH side didn’t leave a card so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. We are still receiving cards by mail but mostly from those on his side that couldn’t make it. I wasn’t so surprised by the lack of cards from his side but my mom was 🙄😂she still wondering if they didn’t just leave them on the table and we over looked it🤦🏻‍♀️. We were the last to leave and didn’t have more than 60 guests so it wasn’t that hard to keep track.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    Was the card spot in an area that was was in the open? If so, I would be concerned - a friend of ours had a wedding in Disney, and they put their card box kind of private, but in the open too bc ppl were coming over to hear the DJ & see the wedding & the majority of their cards were stolen. They knew this bc almost no one gave them any card. The guests that they were comfortable asking they asked & the resort refunded (they were the ones who put the card box where they did). But there were a few guests that they didn’t want to ask.
    This of course is unusual - but as it happened less than a year ago it’s still in my head.
    If the spot wasn’t in an open area however I would let it go.
    • Reply
  • EmAbrams
    Devoted August 2019
    EmAbrams ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't worry about it, unfortunately this seems to be the norm today. We didn't register anywhere, we had 170ish people actually show up and ended up with about 40 or so cards. I haven't done the math but we really didn't get all that much. (we didn't ask for anything tho, so it is a little bit different I guess)

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It has been a tradition to give physical boxed gifts to help the couple build a home, for many centuries in Western Europe, British Isles, and USA. Not money. In some Asian cultures, and a few others, money is more common. Recently there has a trend in some social groups for more people to give money. But lots of people have always felt it is crass to give e money. If you have indicated you do not need physical stuff as gifts, then these people see no need to give you anything to start out with, you clearly have enough to start a home. Which has always been the purpose of wedding gifts and shower gifts. Did you do a very small registry, or indicate you preferred money? If so, these people have no reason to give a gift. They do owe you a thank you note for the lovely wedding and reception. However, so many brides have been doing things backwards of standard etiquette recently, B and G writing thank you notes just for coming, when they should write them only for gifts, that lots of guests have forgotten, if you do not give a gift, guests at least owe a thank you note after the event. . . .
    In our area and social groups, though we are from completely different ones, only older family ever give money. And almost all gifts are things. Or money for a specific household thing. And some people here post that they mostly go to weddings where cash is most common for weddings. A lot of people who want cash only, request no gifts, thinking most people will automatically give cash. They won't necessarily. If you have indicated you do not need things to start a home, there is no custom of giving money instead in their background. So they feel that they have not failed to do anything.
    • Reply
  • EmAbrams
    Devoted August 2019
    EmAbrams ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    My husband and I were both established in our own homes prior to our wedding so no we didn't register anywhere nor did we ask for anything. I never indicated I was disappointed or upset about not receiving money, I was merely commenting on the original post letting Jessica know that we were in a similar boat of not receiving many cards. By "math" I meant I didn't bother to take the time to see the ratio of how many people did not bring cards vs the people who did.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    30 does sound like a lot to me...we had a couple people forget to bring cards but they told us they forgot so we knew about it. I would just send them a thank you card for attending the wedding and if you don't reference their gift they might reach out and ask about it if they did indeed give you one that got misplaced.

    • Reply
  • Rose
    Devoted August 2020
    Rose ·
    • Flag
    I just posted in another post about card theft. Someone on my Facebook got married at a popular venue and was missing a bunch of cards. They know they were stolen because the some of the missing cards were from people that they SAW give a card. I hope that didn’t happen to you and some cards are in the mail.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics