Say What Now?

I see this as both of you are in the wrong here. Her for trying to dictate who you have on your side and you for trying to dictate how many she has on hers. You both should be able to have whomever you want in your bridal parties, this also includes the number of attendants. Sides don't have to be even.

I second the counseling suggestion. It's a bit concerning that the agreement wasn't honored and that compromising is an issue. Maybe you could include her siblings another way so they don't feel left out with you including your brother. It also sounds like she may be having trouble dealing with your OCD. I have it too and it took a really long time for my FH to adjust.

So this one is a bit tricky because I can see both sides. She should not tell you who can stand up for you (unless the person has been terrible to her) but I also don't think you should be limiting the number of people she chooses on her side (unless its some ridiculously high number). It seems like a bridal party was always important to her so ask her how many people she d have wanted and who and then try to find a compromise that works well for both of you. Our sides are going to be uneven, I have 4 and he has 6 and even though I m a huge perfectionist I m letting this one go. He has 4 brothers and some incredible friends it didn't seem right to leave anyone out. Another thing to think about is maybe if there are any other roles these special people can play in the wedding or give them a corsage/flower to recognize the special role they have played in her/your lives. When you have a moment maybe sit together and have a respectful, honest, and open chat about this because you don't want it to lead to any resentment down the line. Best of luck to you!

Wonderful, just remember you ll never make everyone happy the most important thing is you are both on the same page and content with your decisions.