Save the Dates to everyone?

I was in the same boat with a few people on our list (mostly family drama). They're not being treated as B-List guest per se, but their invitation is dependent on our relationship with them at the time we send them out.

It would be best to hold off on STDs (and ask grandma not to say anything) and invite them then disappoint them later with no invitation.

Totally fine.

You are technically only supposed to send STDs to those you are going to invite to the wedding. However, I had some circumstances in my life that I choose not to invite everyone that received a STD. For instance, my former best friend was supposed to be my maid of honor, but her and I had a huge falling out and we are no longer friends nor will probably ever be again so I didn't send her boyfriend, her boyfriend's brother, or her an invite even though they received a STD. I also was fired from my job about a month ago. My former bosses are no longer invited nor are my coworkers since I haven't talked to any of them since. Although I didn't follow what is technically supposed to be done, I feel my reasons for not were understand. That said, you should invite everyone that you send a STD unless there is an extremely good reason for not inviting them.

STD do not have to be for everyone. It had always been traditional, before recent STD existed, to let people who had to make travel plans, those who likely had conflicting things, and immediate family know, talking, calling, or emailing way in advance, before everyone else got their info on regular invitations. And STDs seem to follow that same etiquette. It is fine to give advance notice by STD, or phone, email, even talking to them, for those who have special status as family, wedding party SO, relatives, travelers. And wait until standard invitations for all others. You may send invites like Grandma's, with a note saying, just before invitations go out, you will talk to her about her friends, but are saving ____ seats for them. If Grandma is able to come, fill with her friends at invite time. If not, those seats go back in the open seats for invitations to others pool. Along with any seats where people told you after Saves, but before invitations go out, that they absolutely cannot come, or only 2 of 6 in family will come. Same thing with dates of wedding parties and friends. . . . What you want is far better manners than sending Saves to everyone, then dealing with break-ups , people being cut when the budget must be cut, and other adjustments, after sending too many Saves.

If I were you I would just send to ppl that you KNOW you’re inviting. If I could do all over I would do that... some ppl I’m regretting sending one to bc now I’m obligated to invite them to the wedding.

This is fine. It gets murky when it’s like, one friend in a social circle on the maybe list, and you run the risk of someone mentioning it in front of them or them being at someone’s house and seeing it on the fridge— *then* it gets awkward. But if it’s random people, outliers, or a whole group , it’s fine. We didn’t send save the dates to my parents’ friends as they were the first on the chopping block if anything had to change. We also added a couple people to our list after save the dates went out. Better not to send the save the date if there’s a chance you wouldn’t invite them down the road.

I didn't send STD's to everyone. Only close family & out of towners.

View Quoted Comment Thanks! This is perfect! I didn't think about this at all, and it makes the most sense.