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Just Said Yes August 2023

Save the Dates for those invited on Zoom?

Rodney, on October 9, 2023 at 8:11 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hello everyone,
So me and my fiancée are conflicted.
I think we should send save the dates to everyone (2 different ones) 1 for those invited in person and 1 for those invited on Zoom.
My fiancee thinks we should just give save the dates to those invited in person.
I don’t want people to feel left out, not included, neglected and feel like I didn’t tell them that I’m getting married or the date etc. Because we’d only send the actual wedding invites 2 months before the wedding. So even tho we can’t invite them in person I feel like it would be nice to let them know. If think it would be worse if we send the save the date and they get zoom invite. But we would make it clear on the save the date that they would be invited on zoom. What do you guys think- which option is better, how would you feel?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by CM, on October 10, 2023 at 6:19 PM

Amy · on October 9, 2023 at 8:14 PM
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Why do you have two different tiers?
I think it's pretty tacky to send a save the date for a zoom wedding. Why are they not getting invited to the actual wedding?
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Just Said Yes August 2023
Rodney · on October 9, 2023 at 9:08 PM
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Most of the people were inviting us from church. We see them twice a week. If some get the save the date and others don’t, I know it’ll spread. Unfortunately we can invite everyone but we know some will still want to be there and see the ceremony. We live in NY and wedding in Delaware. So it’s technically a destination so we assume all may not be able to attend.

So basically I’m asked if you had a friend that you saw every week. Would you be more offended if you didn’t get an invite or if you got a zoom invite. That’s basically my question.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on October 9, 2023 at 9:58 PM
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I would honestly be more offended if I got a zoom invite. If your concern is that most people wouldn’t come to a destination wedding, it is their choice to make, not yours. Zoom invites were appropriate during Covid lock downs when you could only have 1 or 2 people in attendance, but now it just sends the message of “we kind of want you there, but not really.” Invite the people you want there, in person, and leave it at that.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on October 9, 2023 at 11:50 PM
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The zoom invites are way more likely to offend people. That was only a thing during Covid, for health compliance reasons. You don't "kind of" invite your B-list people without actually inviting them. This is a "tiered" wedding and is considered rude.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on October 10, 2023 at 9:47 AM
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I agree with previous posters that you are more likely to offend people with a zoom STD/invite. It's one thing to not get invited to a wedding, but it's a complete other to be invited to watch the event you didn't make the cut to attend as a guest. I would just invite those who you want to physically attend the wedding and leave it at that.
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Super January 2024
Andrea · on October 10, 2023 at 10:13 AM
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Just invite everyone you want to attend the wedding. You can include an insert with something like “If you’re unable to attend in person, we will have a livestream of the event.”
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Amy · on October 10, 2023 at 10:28 AM
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I would be more offended if I got a zoom invite.
Just decide who you really want to invite and invite those people. If you aren't close friends with everyone, they won't care if they didn't get invited.
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Super December 2022
LM · on October 10, 2023 at 11:23 AM
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My advice would be similar to the above posters and invite your in-person list and nix the zoom consolation idea. Also, just shed the guilt by not inviting everyone you know. No reasonable adult should feel entitled to a wedding invite, no matter how often you see them. Weddings are personal and expensive. Plus, since it's out of state, it's even more logical for someone to assume you kept it to a smaller, private group.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on October 10, 2023 at 3:43 PM
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If the people you want to invite with a Zoom invitation are from Church (if I understood that correctly), then I would ask the Pastor to include an announcement in your bulletin that you will be having the ceremony available via Zoom. That way, they are all included in general without being singled out as a second-tier Zoom attendee.
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CM · on October 10, 2023 at 6:19 PM
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I agree with this suggestion. The announcement should be made by the church, not come in the form of an invitation by you. It is common for a church service to be open to the congregation without the obligation to invite everyone who comes to the ceremony to the reception.
In general, Zoom invitations would not need an official save the date. People aren't traveling anywhere and no special arrangements need to be made.
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