Save the Dates — ‘adults Only’ Etiquette

Just address the save the date to those who will be invited, same with the invitations. Also, just a suggestion, but it may be wise to limit the people you send save the dates to in case your guest list has to be adjusted later. There have been many people who have been locked into sending an invitation to someone they did not want to because they sent a save the date. We only sent ours to out of town family and family/friends in town that we knew we would be inviting no question. Just some food for thought.

You address the envelopes to the adults of the household. Don't include anything on the actual STD, you can put that information on the invitation as "adult reception to follow" or put it on a website.

I wouldn't put it on the STDs.

I would advise against including specific information on the save the date other than your name and your partner, and the date you will hold your wedding ceremony. More specific information should be included with the invitation and on your wedding website if you have one.

Who is NOT invited should never be on STDs or invitations. It’s pretty simple, address the STDs to only those who are invited (Tom and Mary smith instead of the smith family) and I would hurry and get them ordered because your window to send them out is closing.

Put it on the website that you put on the Save the date or spread the word, it shouldnt be printed on the STD itself.

Include your website on the STD. On the website you can explain that you are having an adult ceremony and reception. Don't use " Adults only", "No children" or any other type of exclusionary language.

I'm so glad you asked this because we are thinking about doing the same thing for our reception.

Both of my sisters put something along the lines of "respectfully, adults only"

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"adult reception" always makes me think of a reception that is x-rated! I laugh every time!

We put 'Adults only' on our invites. We are also doing our RSVP's through our wedding website where there are FAQ's that clearly state only those addressed who attend. I don't find it rude, our venue can only hold so many and we are at max already. Good luck

View Quoted Comment I was wondering, is there a reason why we shouldn't put specific information on the STD? So you shouldn't put where the ceremony and reception ?

We put it on both the STD and Invitations. STD so they know to get a baby sitter, as it is relevant to finances, planning, and booking a hotel. Invitations as a final reminder. We stated "So that everyone enjoys an evening of relaxation and celebration, the Bride and Groom graciously request an adults only ceremony and reception". Also, pay attention to who has children, and double check their RSVP, specifically, the number of attending they list. If you invited a couple with 4 children, it should say 2 attending not 6. This is a safety net that allows you to do damage control via directly contacting guests before you are suddenly over your guest quota and/or budget without warning. Etiquette may dictate that only those individuals to whom the invitation is addressed are invited. However, some individuals may be oblivious to that, and when it comes to showing off their "mini-me", more brazen guests may also choose to ignore/overlook that rule if your desires are not otherwise stated.

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From what I have observed in articles and from other forum participants, the save the date is generally used to request that your guests leave the day free and prepare them for travel if the destination requires extensive arrangements so that, once the invitation is received with the more specific information included, they are more prepared to accept or decline with certainty.

Thanks, everyone!

We put the website on the STD that said adults only and spread it via word of mouth.

We sent out STDs because we had so many people traveling, and we addressed them to Mr. and Mrs. and not to the family. Out of courtesy to H's brother and sister who have kids and traveled to our wedding H called them and let them know that we wouldn't be having children at the wedding. Then formal invites were addressed the same way, only to the couple and not the whole family.

View Quoted Comment So true about sending out STD to early and being excited about our wedding. We sent out to people that we thought were happy for us and always kept in touch but now we are stuck sending them the invitations too. Fingers cross that they RSVP that they are not coming.

I would state that it's an adults only affair on the website.

On our STD we included the location of the wedding (it was out of state for most guests) and the date, the website, and the line "We love all your kids, but this is going to be an adults only event." I didn't want people to buy flights for them and their five kids, and then be angry when the formal invite comes out and their kids can't come. We didn't receive any flak but my mom did. She stood by us and our decision tho and agreed better to let everyone know now instead of being guilted into inviting people we don't want to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment The website with all the wedding details?