Save the Date Drama!

I would have a serious sit down with him about plans for the wedding. Have you guys already booked the venue, and put in a deposit, and locked down the date with them?

Is there a family member or friend on his side you are able to work with to get the addresses you need? Best friend, sibling, parents? Or if he doesn't want to put in the work can he provide you their contacts so you are able to get the addresses?

I also felt like my FH was stalling on getting addresses for people as well. I kept asking about it and he kept saying he would get them, but then never did. So one day we looked at our guestlist together one day and I just made him do it. He then texted, emailed, and message people he needed addresses from and that worked!

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We have the date (he picked!), venue, hair and MU, and hotel picked out and booked! He keeps saying he has plenty of time since he doesn't have a long list to invite *eyeroll* and I'm being intense. I don't know his family at all, but a package from his mama came yesterday so I swiped the address from it

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That's a start!

Maybe you can try to connect with his mom and have her help get addresses you need from his side!

Do not plan anything until he becomes actively involved. Be very clear about letting him know this. You are not marrying yourself so he needs to put in effort if anything beyond elopement is going to happen.

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My only issue with waiting for him is not giving *my* guests adequate time/losing out on non-refundable deposits we have put down if we get so far out and still dragging feet to do basic tasks

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You don't wait for him. You have a discussion about the issue at hand. Either he participates in planning the wedding he wants or he doesn't. If he chooses not to, then you go to alternative B which is eloping. If that still doesn't work for him, then you need to reconsider where your relationship is headed if there is no room for compromise. Long story short, get to the root of the issue.

You say "we are sending out the STD cards on March 15th. Please get me the names/addresses by then." That is it, never mention it again. On March 15th you send out the STD cards to the people whose addresses you have. If none of his friends or family are able to attend, that is is on on him. Does his boss give him endless opportunities and accept endless excuses? He should not treat you with less respect than he gives his job.

Why don’t you just get the addresses yourself? When I got my address list I worked with my mom and then texted fh mom for a few and then anyone we missed I asked for there address personally and then anyone who I don’t have contact info I had my fiancée text them right when I asked him to so that he didn’t put it off and forget.

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FH's mom is in the UK and I don't have any way to contact her. She isn't on social media (neither is FH lol) to track down either.

I have her mailing address from a package she sent this week; I'm using that to mail a STD to her, maybe a few in a large envelope to mail out to his other family there.

I like the March 15 deadline! It'll be 11 months vs 12 for our wedding but I think it's still doable for many if not all of at least my stateside friends and family. If he can't hold up his end, I will take it as no wedding and cease planning (which would be sad, I'm enjoying it!).

View Quoted Comment How does your fiancé contact her? Through mail?

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Typically over the phone, I don't have access to his cell phone (and vice versa)

View Quoted Comment Can you ask him for her number?

Save the dates are not necessary,so when he wants to get around to them is fine. Before the recent invention of Save the Dates, people used a phone call, email, or told people in person. Notify the few international people at 4-6 months. While you might like doing things in advance of the time needed, if he does not want to, you cannot just nag for 8 months. You need to work things out. People plan whole large weddings with all the bells and whistles, and designer dresses, at 5-6 months. If he does not want to do some things that do not need to be done for 8 months, or even til a month before the invitation date, focus on your part of the list. If he ends up giving people notice at a later time, to his guests, his choice.