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Devoted May 2018

Sand ceremony during reception

Kaitlin, on April 24, 2018 at 12:40 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 32
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Would anyone think it was weird if you saw someone do their sand ceremony at the reception instead of the actual ceremony? So we bought three colors of sand. One for FH, one for me, and one for his son. When we met with out officiant she kept telling me that one of the colors is for her and that I can’t have FH’s son have a color he can hold the funnel or something because a color is reserved for her. What?!? Has anyone ever heard of this? I was totally thrown off guard and stunned. She also told me that we can’t have individual colors either we all have to hold onto one color of sand and dump the whole thing in and then all hold onto the next color and dump that one in. I tried to tell her several times that I don’t think that would look good and that’s not how I wanted to do it. I showed her several pictures of what I was describing about us pouring separate colors at the same time. I even showed her a sand ceremony script I found that I really liked. All she kept telling me was “I have no interest in your Pinterest”. So, would it be weird for us to have someone do the reading that I found at the reception and us do our sand ceremony then?

32 Comments

Latest activity by Kaitlin, on April 24, 2018 at 5:05 PM
  • Saydee
    Super August 2019
    Saydee ·
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    I would find another officiant. This is your day, how can she feel comfortable telling you what she has no interest in? That kind of attitude gets you told about yourself. That is literally how everyone else does it. I have never seen anyone pour one at a time
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  • K
    Devoted May 2018
    Kaitlin ·
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    I definitely would have gone with a new officiant, but we were cutting it close on even finding her so we’re stuck. If I had more time I would have walked out of there and not looked back.
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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    I've never seen it done outside the ceremony, but that doesn't mean it couldn't be . If your officiant is so rigid (and so wrong!), it might be your only choice.

    This article mentions the possibility of doing it at the reception.

    https://www.thespruce.com/wedding-sand-ceremony-3490176

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  • Xandria
    VIP December 2018
    Xandria ·
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    O please, please find a new officiant.

    She sounds awful and ridged and like she won't listen to a LOT more. Find someone who will join your family they way you want it to be joined.


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  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
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    What a weirdo! No I’ve never heard of the officiant participating. That’s ridiculous! I’m sorry you can’t find another officiant...she sounds awful. I think you can do it at the reception. Perhaps do it around the same time as toasts? You can use it as a time to sort of toast your new family?
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  • K
    Devoted May 2018
    Kaitlin ·
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    Thanks for the article! I don’t feel so weird about it now. I just find it odd how she wants to do everything and says step son can’t have a color because one is for her.
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  • K
    Devoted May 2018
    Kaitlin ·
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    That’s a good idea. I hadn’t even thought of when to do it, yet. I don’t quite have a timeline for the day nailed down yet. Thanks for the suggestion!
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  • K
    Devoted May 2018
    Kaitlin ·
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    I wish I could, but it’s such short notice. We had trouble even booking her. Apparently good reason she was available though.
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  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
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    Heck, if you don’t have a sand ceremony set, you could even use champagne glasses as the pouring vessels!
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  • Xandria
    VIP December 2018
    Xandria ·
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    Goodness

    I think you can totally do it at the reception! With the toasts, or the cake or right after your grand entrance. Or basically anywhere.

    And totally ignore me if you want, I just can’t stop trying to think of solutions for you.

    The friend whos doing the reading reading for your sand ceremony, would they be willing to do your ceremony in its entirety? And then just have your officiant step in to do the official/legal part?
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  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
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    Wait, so you're not allowed your own colours but she is? This is just bizarre.

    Some alternatives. . If you're all dumping them together, can FHs son also hold it with you? My preference would be to do it at the ceremony without her involvement, like a reading so she has no participation and can stand off to the side while you do your own thing.

    Otherwise yes, if you can't find a new officiant have it at the reception. It's a great way to incorporate children into the wedding and having FHs son involved would be much more meaningful than it being part of the ceremony without him in it
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  • SoKatiiee
    Devoted June 2018
    SoKatiiee ·
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    Yeah, this is bizarre. My pastor prefers the sand when blending families and would NEVER say one was for him. He isn't apart of the family- so he doesn't need to be apart of it. Wow.

    I agree with everyone else- I would try to find a new person to do the wedding. She's clearly not listening to what /your/ needs are, its about her trying to do the same old thing that she's used to... I would have asked her in a candle unity if she would have to have a candle.. because it's basically the same thing.... Ugh.

    However, if you can not- do it at the reception. It would be perfect for your guests to see and probably will not look out of place with your guests at all!

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  • Allison
    Expert October 2018
    Allison ·
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    I would search for a new officiant, in the meantime I'd send her an email that you find her stance on your opinions for your own ceremony off putting. You are paying her correct? This is your wedding and this is the way you'd like it done.

    I'd even tell her that because of this you're considering not having her do the sand because you feel she doesn't have your interest in mind at all.
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  • J
    Expert June 2018
    Jamie ·
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    A color was reserved for her?!?! This is your wedding! The officiant has no right to tell you want you can and can't do. You are paying them to do what you say and alter vows how you please.
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  • Michelle
    VIP September 2018
    Michelle ·
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    Your officiant sounds like a monster. If she said “I have no interest in your Pinterest” I would’ve straight up said “I have no interest in you as my officiant.” And left. Screw that! I would strongly suggest finding a new officiant.
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  • Karma
    Devoted April 2018
    Karma ·
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    Your officiant is completely wrong. I have never heard one color of sand is for the officiant. She is not part of the family that is being brought together. If she’s completely clueless about a sand ceremony, I’d be nervous about her conducting the rest of the ceremony.
    ’I have no interest in your Pinterest.’? What a witch! I would respond with, ‘I have no interest in your services!’ and find yourself another officiant. She is completely ignorant.
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  • M
    Super October 2018
    MaltedMilk ·
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    Yep - and I am not a fan of hiring a relative to become ordained to marry you - but I would look for a new officiant NOW or hire a relative or friend. She sounds rigid and, to be blunt, kinda mean. "I have no interest in your Pinterest" would be the end for me - and I don't even spend time on Pinterest, lol!

    If you stick with her, have the sand ceremony at the reception with your three colors of sand. I would hate that this unprofessional person is going to ruin your day with HER ideas. This is your day, girl!

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  • Mrs. Fall Bride
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Fall Bride ·
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    I would find a different officiant because that's weird AF! It's not about uniting her into your marriage lol, it's about you two, and your son, uniting as a family! When we did our sand ceremony, it was one color for me, one color for H, and the officiant just held the glass for us as we poured it in.

    So I would find another officiant, not only because she's weird, but because I would find this a bit weird to do during the reception, and if she won't let you do it the way you want during the ceremony (and the way it's actually supposed to be done), then I think she's the piece of the equation that needs to go.

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  • M
    Super October 2018
    MaltedMilk ·
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    I could see it (maybe.....I am reaching, lol) if she were trying to sell it as "This third color represents God in your holy union" but she wants it to be about HER? Yikes......run!!!

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  • K
    Devoted May 2018
    Kaitlin ·
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    Originally, my step dad was going to do the entire ceremony. However, that doesn’t seem to be legally binding in PA and I would hate for there to have to be two people. And I’m sure she would have something to say about that too.
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