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Just Said Yes March 2023

Same ring and same date as Mother in laws failed marriage, and elope?

Destiny, on March 9, 2022 at 2:24 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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Hello im dumping all my drama...

Need some advice. I am waiting until 2023 to get married, but the venue I really like and want to choose has the date March 12 available, which is a day after my fiancé's birthday...

AND my engagement ring is from my MIL old wedding ring from her failed marriage, and March 12 was her anniversary. I feel icky about that, even though MIL wouldn't care if we picked that date. Don't know what to think. I told my mom, sisters, fiancé how I feel but they don't take it as seriously. I need perspective/advice on anything.

There is a feb 12 available, but not sure because we just had a funeral on valentines day and a traumatic passing of my sisters dad this year. Something icky just feels wrong about that week. April 23 is open but its MIL's birthday. May dates are available but it'll be too hot in phx. I just have a thing about dates too...and wanted to elope but still have a ceremony and reception in march, but I feel it won't be special and would be wasting money. Sigh.

The venue most likely has Friday dates available, but that would take the fun out of the weekend, and a few of the older guests are from out of town. The older guests on my side of family mean a lot to me. Any experience of Friday weddings?????

Im waiting until after tax season of next year to get married so my mom can help pay, and my fiancé's family can help out because I don't want anyone going into debt. My mom agrees. Fiancé and I will have a job by then, but I don't want to take the emotional toll of paying for everything, even though I probably could with fiancé.

We're going to invite 120 people, and a lot of people I don't like that my fiancé wants to invite ( fiancé's friends that have harassed me while drunk, or family friends that have said my FH didn't need a girlfriend, or wouldn't shake my hand as a sly joke not approving our relationship, girls that were his "friends" but ignored me when I met them). That's a whole other issue of why I don't want the emotional burden of paying for all of those people. I feel like I should be the bigger person, but again I feel icky about some of those people.

I just don't want to regret anything.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Sloane, on March 11, 2022 at 8:52 PM

Super August 2023
Lunajay · on March 9, 2022 at 2:52 PM
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First off i don't feel like just because your MIL failed marriage wedding her date should be a factor. This is you and FH day not hers. I see what you're saying about Feb 12, but again I think your over thinking the dates. Now if you planned for a date then someone passes and 2 days after or before is tour wedding day, I don't think there is much you can do about that. Unless you really want to ask to put the funeral off but idk any who would make that request.
Second if you want to elope that is a conversation for you and FH. Just be clear and honest about what you want and what you are hoping for.
Being clear and honest is also going to help when make your guest list. If you want want certain people at your wedding or in your wedding party, that is something that you need to bring to FH attention. I don't feel like you shouldn't invite anyone who never approve or supported your relationship.
In the end you don't want to regret your wedding day, so be clear and honest before starting to plan anything. Once you and FH have gotten on the same page about everything then you can set a budget, and make a guest list.
Hope this helps and congratulations!
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on March 9, 2022 at 2:57 PM
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Hi Desiree. I think you and your FH should talk over what you two really want. Any wedding/ elopement that you choose will not be "a waste of money" if you're intentional in your choices. Don't go big for the glamour of big, if it's full of disrespectful people. A big ring is just a sign of conflict if the receiver is unclear of the giver's intent. I also think it is more practical to pay for your wedding yourself as you cannot predict other people's financial stability or priorities a year from now. Only you know your money, and many couples wait on a date, so they can save. Last, try not to use judgy words with your FMIL. This is a bad habit, and you don't want such hurtful language to get back to her. Best wishes with your engagement.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on March 9, 2022 at 8:56 PM
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The real problem seems to be your FH.

Why would your FH be open to inviting people who HARASS you while drunk?
Why would your FH tolerate anyone who ignores you and disrespects you, much less invite them?
Were you ok with receiving your FMiL's wedding ring? Did your FH clear that with you beforehand or did he expect you to suck it up?
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Super July 2022
Shannon · on March 10, 2022 at 4:06 AM
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You seem to have a lot of negativity surrounding the engagement and wedding already.
MiIL’s ring and failed marriage, her anniversary date, potential guests that were harassing that your FH thought was okay to invite. Is this really what you want?
Weddings are positive milestones in our lives. If you start out so negative, it’s going to be a heck of a time planning.
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Super May 2022
Sloane · on March 11, 2022 at 8:52 PM
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There’s a lot to unpack here. But honestly I think you are overthinking the date and ring. Her failure doesn’t need to be yours. I am confused about your fiancé inviting people who disrespect you? How is that possible?
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