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Savvy July 2019

Running into uninvited acquaintances.

Lee, on July 20, 2019 at 4:22 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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Does anyone have suggestions on dealing with the awkwardness of running into someone who wasn’t invited to the wedding who you suspect may have been expecting an invite. My wedding is in 6 days and I feel soo heavy right now after running into someone who I would describe as being sort of family but not blood (through a marriage of a family member). My mom and I ran into this person at the mall. I called out to her as I was happy to see her. We embraced and she was sweet to me. It was awkward given the elephant in the room but I wasn’t going to bring up the wedding except she asked to see my ring and I felt I had to say something. I said what I have said to others in the past, “I really would I could invite everyone...” She then cut me off and asked, “So where are you going on your honeymoon.” Her dementor was as though she had been really upset about not being invited and really just didn’t want to talk about it. I guess I expected her to respond like others have with, “I understand.” Is it best to just not address the elephant in the room?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Lee, on July 20, 2019 at 10:11 PM

Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 20, 2019 at 4:40 PM
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I think it's best to avoid the elephant in the room. If the subject is brought up, let them know you weren't able to invite everyone because of space or budget. It's so rude for someone to assume they're going to be invited in the first place!
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Devoted November 2019
Mary · on July 20, 2019 at 4:41 PM
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That's a really tough situation... if she changed the topic, just go with it. Just enjoy your day, in the end you can't invite everybody
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on July 20, 2019 at 4:42 PM
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I would say to address it only if it’s brought up. I think your response was great and most people will say they understand. You can’t invite everyone so don’t worry about it. You’re almost married. 😊
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 20, 2019 at 4:45 PM
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Honestly I would have changed the subject too if I was her. She obviously knows you’re engaged and I’d assume at this point she knows she isn’t invited. No need to point out that she’s not invited if she isn’t mentioning it.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 20, 2019 at 4:47 PM
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I agree with PP. Address it if you acquaintance asks, but not before.

I had felt really awkward around extended family asking me about wedding stuff and though I should avoid it. My aunt essentially said, "your mom told us we're not invited. That's okay - we wouldn't have been able to make it anyways. But feel free to talk about anything wedding related."
What I thought was an elephant was really just my own awkwardness thinking there should be one.
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Expert October 2019
Heather · on July 20, 2019 at 5:16 PM
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I know you can’t change it now, but when she asked to see the ring I would have just shown it to her and talked about the ring itself. “FH had it custom made! I love how it sparkles and shines!” She didn’t specifically ask about the wedding, so I wouldn’t have brought it up. And if she had, I would have just apologized for not being able to.
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Devoted May 2022
Madison · on July 20, 2019 at 5:47 PM
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I’m dealing with this but with my family. I have a huuuuge family as my mom has been remarried a few times. There’s people that I see at family events that ask when the big day is and all this stuff. I answer in honesty as it’s not until next year so I have that but the truth is that I can’t afford to have a bunch of people there and I don’t want to invite people to spare feelings. It sounds super harsh I know but I really just want people there that my fiancé and I genuinely enjoy being around. It’s a weird thing for people to be upset by and I think people should be more understanding. Don’t worry about it because you’re so close. Just enjoy your time!!!!!! Sending you good vibes!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 20, 2019 at 8:33 PM
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I would avoid it aha I think they're happy for you and that situation sometimes doesn't need to be directly addressed
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Savvy July 2019
Lee · on July 20, 2019 at 10:11 PM
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Interesting perspectives. I suppose my intention was to convey that I’m so sorry that I was not able to invite you. I truly am as this person (and many others) is someone we’d enjoy having space permitting. Not saying anything is hard for me because I know the person is disappointed about not being invited. I wanted to let her know that I did think about her and that my not inviting her was not anything personal. I don’t know. It’s awkward all around. You can’t win.
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