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August 2022

Runaway Bride?

Randee, on July 6, 2022 at 9:57 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 8
I’ve come here because I have nowhere else to turn. The stress of planning a bedding that I can not afford has become too much and I’m having major cold feet.

Let me start at the beginning and tell you about me. Im a 28 year old single mom to a 10 year old daughter who has never met her father. (Emotional damage) I’d been in a very abusive relationship in every sense of the word. Then when my daughter started kindergarten and I got a new job, I met a genuinely nice guy. He is kind to us and we’ve been together since. I know I love him, and he loves me but I’ve never felt like he’s been in love with me. We have very different work ethic and goals. I don’t know what to do.
We decided we are going to get married and I handle all of our finances, so I suggested a courthouse marriage with a casual celebration with friends and family to billow. Very little expense. But he said was set in having a “real” wedding (this will be his second) and got really excited at first, finding a venue, DJ and photographer that he “had to have” now I find myself less than two months out from the set date and I haven’t been able to finish paying for the DJ and photographer that he wanted. Much less a dress for myself. That’s right I do not have a wedding dress, nor can I afford one. He doesn’t have a suit, my daughter doesn’t have a dress to wear.
All this stress is making me wonder is it worth it? I’m absolutely miserable and stressed to the max with no one to vent to.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for in posting this, or if anyone will ever read it, but typing all of this out has made me feel heard none the less.


Latest activity by Happily Married, on July 10, 2022 at 4:36 AM
  • M
    Savvy November 2022
    Mackenzie ·
    • Flag

    I think you should sit down with your fiancé and voice all of this to him. This marriage is about the two of you and no one else. You should detail what is important to the two of you, set a budget, and decide what you want from there. Marriage and relationships are about compromise.

    • Reply
  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Are you paying for this wedding yourself?

    Why are you doing all the planning for a wedding you don't even want?
    Why do you take on the entire financial planning burden?
    Do you want to marry someone that you feel has never been in love with you?
    Why can't you vent to your future husband?
    Your relationship doesn't sound like an equal partnership. You sound like an exhausted, unpaid wedding planner and financial planner. This is a symptom of a greater problem
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Sounds like the event is out of your budget. It might be easier to cancel and plan something that you can afford comfortably. It's all great to want all the wedding things, but you have to be able to afford them. I hope things work out for you!

    • Reply
  • Imani
    Rockstar July 2022
    Imani ·
    • Flag
    You could always elope. It will be cheaper and easier. Especially since you all are two months out. I’d definitely say talk to your fiancé as well to see if getting married is actually something he want to do. Wishing you the best!
    • Reply
  • L
    Dedicated June 2023
    Linda ·
    • Flag

    Just elope and you all can have the wedding that he wants when he able to contribute. Weddings are expensive even with a small guest list. Instead of paying for a wedding right now - go to the courthouse and maybe spend a portion of the money that you would spend right now on a small vacation/honeymoon

    • Reply
  • Marlee
    Dedicated December 2023
    Marlee ·
    • Flag

    Even if everything else about your relationship was perfect, this is not a good way to start out your marriage and the rest of your lives together. I absolutely understand people who say they want the "real" wedding, but sometimes financial realities are... the reality. If this man truly wants to be married to you, he will marry you at a courthouse, or elope elsewhere. Maybe you can save for a few years and have a big party and/or vow renewal later!

    I hope everything works out for you. Sending love and good vibes.

    • Reply
  • Tonya
    Dedicated June 2023
    Tonya ·
    • Flag
    Oh wow I’m sending you hugs! Planning your wedding is supposed to be something you enjoy and not regret nor do it alone!
    How come your partner isn’t helping pay for anything? He should partake in some way.
    You should be able to vent to him, you are going to spend the rest your life with your man. Are you in love with him or love him? I got in a comfortable relationship with my ex, together 9 years and once I started planning the wedding it went downhill, I literally had to do everything. He was abusive on so many levels.
    Me and my spouse now are getting married next year. He is supportive of hearing me complain and vent about wedding planning lol he tells me relax take a deep breathe and we could get married, he didn’t care as long as he was marrying me.
    You need to sit down with him and put your feelings out there. If he loves you he will be there! Maybe he doesn’t realize how stressed you are or upset about not even having a wedding dress!
    I hope this helps! If you ever need to vent I am always free!
    • Reply
  • Happily Married
    Beginner January 2017
    Happily Married ·
    • Flag

    Hi Randee,

    Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know that sometimes, just writing as a means to expression your feelings can be a good outlet for stress relief. I can empathize with your buyer's remorse about opting in for a "real wedding" that your Fiance wanted. I took the same train too. Two Years later, here I am having planned the majority of it myself and feeling completely miserable about the entire process. One word of advice to my former self would have been elope. My wedding is in less than 2 weeks, so no backing out of plans now lol.

    I have to agree with the other posters here. It seems all of the emotions that you are feeling are a symptom of some relational issues with your fiance that may stem from a lack of communication and boundaries. I would encourage you to speak with them ultimately and get them more on board with planning, and the financial aspect of the wedding. This is really a two person job. If money is a factor, then there is always elopement. Looking back a few months ago, I probably would have gotten out of the few contracts that I could have knowing what I know now and just eloped myself.

    If you find that you want to continue with you plans there are always ways to stretch your budget. There isn't one specific type of Wedding Dress. Any dress can be a Wedding Dress. In fact, I purchased mine of of lulus for $75.00. If you can get your fiance on board with finances, and are within your cancellation time, scrap the DJ. We rented a speaker for $150.00 and created spotify & itunes playlists for music. Opt for a suit for the groom rather than a tux. Suits can be rented for fairly cheap. Also I'm sure your daughter would look just lovely in anything! You may be able to catch a late summer sale at JCPENNY or an outlet for dresses.

    Weddings can work within any budget. It's all about give and take. When faced with adversity we really need to dig deep into why we're having opposing second thoughts. Is it really due to budget constraints or might you be feeling like you've been abandoned by your partner in the process? I know that planning this wedding has definitely taught me a lot about myself, my fiance, and how we work together as a team.

    I hope I contributed a bit of insight that you may have been looking for!


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