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Savvy May 2020

Rude to give officiant a script?

Mollie, on July 14, 2019 at 3:18 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 11

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I just got my ceremony outline from my officiant. Yay! However, I'm a creative writing major and words are incredibly important to me. I liked his structure, and I liked some of the things he said, but I sat with my fiance for two hours just rewording sections, taking out sections, and making it a ceremony that feels personal to us. I love what we've written so much. It is so perfect. But is it rude to email the officiant back with our "requested ceremony?" His outline and my script are drastically different, and I don't want to come off as trying to tell him how to do his job, but honestly if he would just read the script I would be 100% satisfied. We did leave a section in for him to give some sort of message, and that we aren't trying to script out.

Long story short, is it rude to send what is basically an entire script back to him when he gave us an outline?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Ivy ORP, on July 15, 2019 at 2:33 PM

Savvy May 2020
Mollie · on July 14, 2019 at 3:20 AM
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For context: I don't know our officiant (I didn't want a friend or family member officiating our wedding), hence the caution.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 14, 2019 at 3:23 AM
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I had my officiant give me a template he uses and I basically edited it from there
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Dedicated November 2019
Stephanie · on July 14, 2019 at 5:25 AM
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Did he say you’re free to make any changes? He might have his dialogue memorized. Do you really want him looking down reading the entire time?
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 14, 2019 at 6:32 AM
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I think this is just really going to depend on your officiant. Ours gave us options for every part of the ceremony and we were free to add/drop or edit any parts we wanted so it was pretty customizable. That was discussed before we even hired her though.
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Super January 2020
Cassie · on July 14, 2019 at 6:40 AM
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I would call him and tell him your thoughts and ask if he is open to you writing a script for him. He should at least be willing to compromise and use some things you want and eliminate what you don’t want.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on July 14, 2019 at 8:26 AM
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I would want to talk to him and see how he feels about it. Personally though if it’s your day he should be open to what YOU want. I’m sure he has a certain way he’s use to doing things but he should be willing to accommodate you. That’s the main reason we had my best friend do ours. I wanted someone who knew us and would do what we wanted. Good luck!
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VIP August 2019
Futuremrsk · on July 14, 2019 at 8:37 AM
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Our officiant have us a template and then a bunch if readings, 2 different handfasting ceremonies to choose from, and a bunch of different ring exchanges and even vow templates..she gave us the order and told us to pick what we wanted.

I would reach out to your officiant and see if he is okay with you making changes. I think you should definitely stress that while you did like his original script, you would like to make some changes and make it more personal to you and your FH and see what he says. Hopefully he will be okay with it and give you the go ahead!
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Dedicated October 2019
Ruby · on July 14, 2019 at 3:50 PM
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From the weddings I've been to it's fairly common to have a "script" / specific things you want them to say that may not be part of a "traditional" wedding
the last wedding I went to bride wrote the entire ceremony!
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Savvy May 2020
Mollie · on July 14, 2019 at 3:52 PM
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Thanks for everyone's replies! He did tell me that the template was just a starting point, so he totally expects changes! I just didn't know if he expected this many!
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Super September 2019
Jess · on July 15, 2019 at 12:03 PM
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Not at all! We did the same thing. Initially I wrote a ceremony and then we met with our officiant and we went through it together and fixed and compromised on a few sections and now we have a ceremony that we are all 100% agreed on! I don't think its bad to have a script to show your officiant just be open to change and compromise as well.
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on July 15, 2019 at 2:33 PM
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I am an officiant and a bride and understand how important those words are in that moment. I often write my own ceremonies for each couple, but have used a script when they have something specific they want said. I have never taken issue with someone making my job easier by doing the creative work themselves. Having said that, some officiants use a script they simply drop personal info into. If your officiant is someone like that, they may feel more comfortable with the script since they are already familiar with the flow. Ultimately it is your day, talk to them about what you want and go from there.
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