Rude to ask friend to provide ceremony music?

Hmm...not sure if it's similar, but due to the industry I work in, someone who I was close to, who I had not spoken to in quite some time reached out to me for a "favor". I ignored them.

I mean, it could go both ways, right? You could offer to pay him, maybe then it might not be as terrible? Or he could be like, "oh this heffa. I thought she was calling me to ask me how life was going, but no, she wants a favor. BYE FELICIA!"

I guess proceed at your own risk. You know your friend best.

This is probably an unpopular opinion, but... I had my aunt and cousin do the music for my ceremony. They've both been playing for years and have been hired to play many other weddings. I didn't have any ridiculous requests. My grandpa's favorite song was Edelweiss (and it's been played at all of the other weddings in our family) so I asked if they could play that. From there, I said if they wanted to do anything else, they were welcome to but certainly didn't have to. They wanted to do the rest of the ceremony's music and asked if they could. I let them pick out the songs and made everything as easy as possible for them. At the rehearsal, I had money, a gift, and a sweet note for each of them thanking them for their time and for making my wedding so special. They tried to give the money back, but we wouldn't let them.

I know it's bad to use friendors in 90% of the circumstances, but I will always look back and think about how much more special it was with them playing. And I genuinely believe that they were wanting to do it, as opposed to feeling like they had to work my wedding.

You can ask him, and you pay him.

KY bride handled the situation with class and grace.

I would let him offer. Do not ask him.

Thank you @celia! I was nervous about it at first, especially after reading so many posts on here about friendors, but it really worked out great!

@KYbride , that sounds like it was a wonderful ceremony How did you ask them, if you don't mind my asking?

I would invite him regardless, and I would also for sure pay him and get him a gift.

While he certainly would be doing me a favor, we've supported each other through a lot over the years so I am thinking that maybe I could ask him almost similar to asking a bridesmaid- in that I couldn't imagine the day without him and him providing music would make the day so much more special (if he is able to come).

I've been asked to do things for friends (singing at special events) and I never felt put-upon at all!

If you pay him, I see nothing wrong with it.

@OP: I lived a few hours away from them, so I called each of them on the phone one evening. The aunt and cousin are mother and daughter, but I still called each of them individually. At first I just asked if they would play Edelweiss for me to walk down the aisle to. It was our grandpa's favorite song and he passed away a while ago. They know how special the song is to everyone in our family, so they were honored and immediately said yes. I was upfront in saying they would be compensated, even though they tried to talk me out of it. A few weeks later, I was in town and over at their house and we were simply talking about the ceremony and they wanted to do the music for the entire thing. All of the music they played were songs that they already knew and had sheet music for. I did not want them to have to go out and learn anything new and put pressure on themselves. Like I said, the situation really worked out wonderfully for me and I'm so glad I asked them. I hope you have the same results!

I asked my cousin to play my wedding (ceremony only) and she was honored/so touched. I'll also be paying her.

Does your friend enjoy singing publically? I only ask this because I used to sing professionally, but I find it stressful. Like on one hand it's flattering. On the other hand, it's extra stress and I'd rather not. I would feel obligated to do so at a wedding though because it's such a sweet request. Is your friend someone who was always confident and loved showing off his voice? Or was he a shy-er person who just happened to have a good voice they could make money with? I think this makes all the difference.

My mom played the piano professionally and always just volunteered. She actually got offended once that a friend of mine didn't ask her and was horrified to hear that she had a cd playing for the procession. Some people have paid her; others haven't. She didn't care. She would much rather have played than listened to bad music or music that didn't quite work and flow musically.

I have a similar situation. I asked a friend who plays the violin if she would play while I walk down the aisle. She is an amateur violinist and hasnt plaid in years but still nows how to play well. She agreed and was very excited and honored to do this. It has now come up that she wants to be paid $150 plus she won't be giving a gift. Her guest thats coming (i dont know her) will also not come to my stag and doe to come ant meet other wedding guests. She told me that she's giving me a great deal on her services. I feel really hurt by this because I thought she would be willing to do this as a friend. She has insisted that the amount she's asking is significantly less than amounts she's found online. She has never done a gig before or a wedding. I'm not sure how to handle this. I only have 25 ppl coming to our wedding and I feel like if I don't just go along with this she and her guest will make the wedding awkward. I have a very close family friend who she would love to play instead. I think I should just tell the friend that I'm sorry I'm having someone else play at the wedding and let things play out from there. Thoughts?

If you ask, I would offer to pay in the same sentence.