Rude in laws

That's awful! Honestly I would just stand your ground. I can kind of relate as I'm estranged from my brother, so hes not getting invited even though my mother is pushing for it. Also, my FH has an uncle whose rude to everyone, always asks for money, and gets drunk and throws fits- needless to say he didn't make the cut. Our main logic is- we're on a tight budget, it's our day, and I dont want a single bit of drama for our big day.

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We reached out to the family member that was recently mentioned so we did do that....I think what bothers my FH and I is the way that they have acted towards us. They also are not contributing financially at all to the wedding. I think my FH needs to be the one to have the conversation with them about their behavior being inappropriate, and he keeps saying he's afraid of causing a fight. Even his sister got involved with giving us grief over the situation. I don't want to disinvite them so am I wrong to tell them they are not to speak to me the day of the wedding? I'm so lost on what to do. We're so stressed already and now all we do is fight over this

Omg I’m in the same boat but it’s my grandmother and uncle (who raised me) who are making my life so stressful and they are not contributing anything except misery. A week after our rsvps were due I asked my grandmother to reach out to a few older relatives who forgot to rsvp. She then started saying since I had a lot of No’s that I need to invite all of these other cousins that I don’t know. I explained to her all the reasons why I can’t do that, and even cried out of desparation and pleaded that I just need answers from the family that didn’t respond. Every time I talk to her she brings up how terrible it is that I didn’t invite them and she told my aunt that she was just going to invite them herself and “order more chairs”. I had to stop talking to her because she’s making me so upset over this. My wedding is next week and she threatened me that her and my uncle will probably skip the rehearsal dinner out of spite. I’m so disgusted that my own parents would rather miss part of my wedding in order to get back at me because I don’t want to be RUDE and invite a couple random fourth cousins at the last second. I’m devastated and In Utter shock.

Does your venue have a max capacity?

If they aren’t contributing to the wedding then politely remind them that you guys have a tight, self-funded budget and unfortunately you can’t afford adding more people now. If they want them there so bad they should offer to pay for them. That’s my thought anyway.

I know your fiancé doesn’t want to cause a fight but he has to talk to his family about this behaviour. This is about you two and your love for each other, and not a massive family reunion. Since they aren’t contributing money-wise, I would definetly use budget as my justification on not budging on the guest list now. This is a tough situation but stand your ground, you’re not doing anything wrong!

Katie - that is so awful I'm sorry you're dealing with that ☹ our venue does have a max capacity and we are definitely under it. Our RSVP's were due back on Friday when all of this was brought up. We just have our seating chart completely done and we need to confirm numbers and tables with everyone. I hope things get better for you!!!

Courtney - 100% agree. We did find a way to fit this family member in so if they come that may be the angle. We are absolutely having a conversation with them about their behavior, my parents were especially not happy to hear about it. I adjusted our seating chart so they are no longer at the first table with my parents, I put them farther away to drive a message home; as I don't even want them speaking to me on wedding day. I'm just upset that they think this is ok to just bully everyone into doing what they want. Thank God they live in another state and I won't have to see or speak to them after this.

It is not about whether or not you can squeeze them in. It is about them showing you a little respect. Next time Mom or Dad or MOG or aunt whoever tries this on any one, they need to be told NO making changes, once you have decided on a list. If they marry again, or have an an anniversary vow renewal, they get to choose. But you are the hosts of this wedding. And when people get whiny and petulant like spoiled children, giving in won't keep the peace. Because the next time they want you to do what they want, they know, whining and being nasty works, and will do it your whole marriage. At some point, FI needs to say NO. And if they make threats - well I won't come if I don't get my way, FI has to be strong enough to say, when I was a child, if I threatened to have a fit or be nasty if I did not get my way, you as my parents would not tolerate it. ( At least I hope not!). And FI feels that that is what they are doing. If Dad stays home, willing to cut off his nose to spite his face, just say fine. Because honestly, do you want him there if he has absolutely no respect at all for either his own son, or you? And tell him so. It is hard the first few times. But unless you two want to end up fighting til the day you are divorced over every time he lets people walk all over the two of you, he needs to stand up to his parents and establish boundaries. And their threats and ultimatums are not ever going to be acceptable. Neither will persistent nagging about having children or not and when. Or spending all holidays their way. Or them inviting relatives to stay in your home while vacationing in your area. Some families come up with amazing stuff. Forever, if you do not put your foot down now. Sorry they are stressing you out. But though you imagine speaking up will be awful, actually, though someone may not attend something, in the long run it will be a great relief not to fight this every event. So do it now. We all sympathize. My first husband's patents were like this. The first absolute NO, we won't be treated with such disrespect as you changing our guest list...is so important.

Hi Kelsie! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this situation. Standing your ground and keeping to your original guest list and budget, you could try explaining that you already gave your vendors your final count & it's not within your budget to add on more people last minute. Have you had a heart-to-heart with your husband about this? As perhaps he can help explain this to his parents where you are both coming from, given your reasoning. Hang in there. The big day, where you get to marry your soulmate, will be here so soon.

My FSMIL has repeatedly asked me if I would "consider" inviting people I barely know to events for my wedding and you know what I said? No. Just say no. It's your wedding, your day, etc. etc. Be nice, stay positive, but say NO!