Rude Bridesmaid? -slight rant

I can see why you're frustrated, but the only obligation of being a bridesmaid is showing up in the dress. It's kind of you to have paid for her dress, but it's not your place to tell people how to spend their money

I have asked this in another post but I'll ask it again. Did you ask her, and all your other BMs privately what their budgets are? $180 may not seem like a big deal to you but I know at one time, that would have been a hydro payment or a month's worth of groceries. Secondly, the only duties and things she has to put out for is a dress, which you so kindly took care of for her. Her only "duty" is to show up, stand beside you and be happy for you.

Now there are lots of girls on here who disagree and think that Bridesmaids should pull out all the stops and plan and throw parties but guess what? They have lives and other things going on and your wedding is not the most important thing to them. If they do want to go to the planned parties and contribute, yay. If not, that is their prerogative. Let her know when the wedding is, and tell her you will see her there.

I think that we just had this post a couple of weeks ago. Nothing is "mandatory" for your bridesmaids.

She is being ridiculous. I am sorry that she is being that way. I would let her know that if she cant afford to go to Vegas, you understand if she had to stay home. Let her know the cost of Vegas and how much it would cost for one night and if she doesn't have that in her budget she should stay home. It is unnecessary to have her there if she will cost more money for the others in your bridal party.

I agree a little with @promike about if she can't afford it, she should stay home, but if you've been ranting at her about it being her duty she could have felt like crap and tried to please you as much as she could.

Michelle, both Mrs.jkr and Trixie are right. You cannot dictate how someone spends their money. You asked her to assume the burden of being a bridesmaid (if anyone tells you being a BM is not a burden is lying). By her accepting, she agreed to stand with you in a dress. It was kind of you to cover the cost of the dress but, you cannot assume that she will willingly spend money on showers, bach's and menial crap that comes with being a BM. Take a deep breath, enjoy the time with the girls. By allowing yourself to become annoyed by any of this you will be adding to stress you don't need.

Have the conversation with her now. Tell her you'd like to get an idea about the budget for each attendant. Ask her what hers is. What does she expect to spend to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. Maybe then you can get an understanding of her expectation before you impose yours on her.

As brides, we have to remember that people aren't mind readers and attendants make up their own expectations in their head, especially if they've never been in a wedding before.

You should have sat down with them in the beginning and set your expectations. While I do agree that the only real obligation is to show up in the dress for the wedding I personally believe in going the extra mile for the bride-but that's just me. If you expect them to be involved in throwing and paying for bridal showers and bachelorette parties and any other "extras" that are NOT mandatory there needs to be a discussion about expectations and budgets. You choose your bridal party because you love these women and can't imagine your day without them by your side NOT based on their ability to pay and show up for your pre-wedding activities. I don't think she's being rude for not wanting to throw money into your wedding.

I completely understand but agree with the rest of the girls. Honestly I don't know how it will go over now but having the money talk up front would have been the way to go. As for the Vegas thing I would just have whoever is planning it tell her what you guys are planning on doing if she can swing it great, if not you either have to pay or be okay with her passing on the event.

I think if you are not okay with picking up her costs (if there are any left), then you might want to have a real talk on her being in the wedding if it is getting too stressful.

I should have had a budget talk with her beforehand. And I completely agree if she wanted to stay home due to budget reasons for Vegas..another friend already had to do that and I understand. But I still have to pay for her hair and make up and the fact that she did not offer to pay for one single thing makes me irritated. I would have liked her to pay or offer to pay for one thing as I am already paying so much for the wedding.

Well, you offered to pay for her dress, and if you require hair and makeup a specific way that can't be done by the average woman you are obligated to pay for that.... For everyone. I can kinda see where you're coming from, but you offered, and you said it was okay for her to use her own shoes... I don't wanna sound mean, but bluntly stated that's all on you.

Yah... I would say sit her down and have an honest talk about what she can do and if the cost is too much for you and her maybe ask her to step down. Like girls said you can't tell people how to spend their money but at the same time if you can't make it work with out it being a burden she should understand as it is the same situation for her (if she can't pay). Another thing would be to have her do her own hair and makeup?

I disagree with the only commitment is to show up and buy the dress. Now none of my bridesmaids have paid for anything other than their dresses and hotel rooms. No one threw a shower, or anything like that which I am fine with , my family wanted to take care of that. But yes, being in a wedding is a commitment and if you can't even buy your own dress or shoes than maybe it's not a good time to make that commitment

@hfstella it is the Bride's responsibility to make sure that the women that she feels closest to so much that she wants them to stand up with her at her wedding, to find a dress within the budget that she has privately discussed with her BMs. If this isn't done, then the bride, no matter how entitled she feels, should understand when events don't happen.