Rsvps & Bad groomsmen

1.) You should follow up after your RSVP deadline and get a definite answer. You can't make a seating chart (or pay for food, drinks, etc.) without a definitive guest list.

2.) That's your FH's call. I personally wouldn't end a friendship because someone didn't want to be in my wedding, but I don't think you have much say here.

If you really want to work on your seating chart now you can, but you'll have to be willing to change it later on. For the RSVPs, start calling people the day after the deadline asking them whether or not they will be attending. "Just checking in to see if you plan to attend our wedding." Text or leave a message for anyone who doesn't answer. If you haven't gotten a response within a couple of days, send a follow up text (or call again if the person is old). "I'm following up to find out whether you'll be attending our wedding. We hope you'll be able to celebrate with us, but if we do not hear from you by [2 days from now] we'll have to mark you down as a no." This should apply to the former groomsman. I completely understand social anxiety, and just because he was in another wedding recently doesn't mean he can handle being in one right now, but he doesn't get to attend the wedding as a guest without speaking to the groom. (And it doesn't even make sense; how can he go to the wedding and not expect to see him?)

Yeah, that's a really crappy situation. I'm sorry you and your fiancé are going through it. It's very rude that he wouldn't say anything. I can understand him not being able to be in the wedding but it's not okay that he wouldn't even respond to a text (if he's that much of a mess he could've had his girlfriend text from his phone). If your fiancé thinks he will want to repair the friendship in the future, it might be a good idea to allow his girlfriend to bring him as her date. If not, I hope you're both able to enjoy the day just as much with his same-pants-sized replacement.