Savvy August 2019

Rsvps and Plus 1s

borntobeabill_2019, on July 25, 2019 at 12:27 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 14
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Hey ladies, I've gotten back a few RSVP's that didn't get a Plus 1 and apparently they assumed they got one, as they wrote their name as well as someone else's name on the RSVP stating that there will be 2 people attending. We didn't give Plus 1's to just anyone. We gave a plus 1 to people we knew and who had serious significant others, whose names were also on the invitations. How would you address this??

Clarification: We didn't give Plus 1's to anyone. We included all significant others on invitations. So, it's some of those people who are single that didn't get a Plus 1 and are adding one on themselves.


  • Stephanie
    Super August 2019
    Stephanie ·

    Ugh, that is so rude! I will never understand people who think that they can invite extra people.... Anyways, Just follow up and explain to them that you have a limited number of seats/budget/whatever reason you have for not allowing Plus 1's for people. I would just gently explain that this is across the board, and only people listed on the invitation are actually invited. I've had to address the "no plus 1" rule to several of our singly guests, and I'm not going to say it's not slightly awkward, but if you don't have the space or the money to allow for the extra people, then you definitely need to address it with them!

  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    Oh gosh that happened to me. My husband let it go because it was on his list of guests. He had person A a plus one and person B no plus one. But B was the one who added it and A ended up not wanting a plus one so he just swapped them. That worked out at least.
  • Lady ·

    Are they in a relationship with this other person? If so you should have invited them - it's not your place to judge the "seriousness" of someone relationship. You should invited everyone who is in a relationship with their SO.

    If they are TRULY single - just follow up and say "we received your RSVP and the invitation was for just you - we hope you can still make it!"

  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·

    If they're in a relationship, their SO should be invited by name. It's not your place to judge how serious their relationship is. Plus ones are for single guests only. If single guests added dates that you didn't allow for, contact them and say "we received your RSVP and we're so glad that you'll be there for our big day! Unfortunately, the invite was intended for you only and we're not able to accommodate any extra guests. We hope that you can still make it, but please let us know if this changes your RSVP."

  • borntobeabill_2019
    Savvy August 2019
    borntobeabill_2019 ·
    View Quoted Comment

    They are single. Thank you for the wording, that is great!

  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    If it's a spouse or significant other they probably should have been invited anyway.
    You should call them and say
    Hello Name, I received your RSVP today and noticed you added someone else. I'm sorry but we really can't fit anymore people into our venue and the wedding is invitation only, if you would like some time to think about RSVPing by yourself that is fine, please let us know by date.
  • borntobeabill_2019
    Savvy August 2019
    borntobeabill_2019 ·
    View Quoted Comment

    It is very rude and frustrating! I'm sorry it happened to you but glad I am not the only one. Thank you for the advice.

  • Michaela
    Expert May 2020
    Michaela ·

    I accidentally did this last month.. Don't assume they're being rude, they probably just don't understand. I didn't realize that I wasn't on FH's invitation until I went to throw away the outer envelope and only his name was on it! Oops.. To be fair, we RSVP'd no, and I really should've been on there since we've been together for 4 years and live together..

    Anyways, my point is they probably just don't realize their foux pas. Definitely reach out to them, but try to be as nice about it as possible

  • Grace
    Dedicated December 2020
    Grace ·
    First of all, you don't have to get people plus ones if they're in a relationship or married. If they know other people at the wedding, that's enough. For example, if I was inviting 7 of my coworkers, but I didn't know their spouses very well, I wouldn't invite their spouses. Those 7 co-workers know each other, they can hang out together. I'm not going to pay double for 7 strangers to be at my wedding. If they decide they can't come because of this, we probably aren't very close anyway and I'm probably just inviting them to be polite. There is no one you HAVE to invite to your wedding outside of your soon to be spouse for obvious reasons. Weddings are expensive affairs, each head drives the cost up.
    Second of all, I'd message them say you received their RSVP and that you're sorry if they misunderstood and thought that you were extending a plus one, but that you weren't and are unable to give them one. Also that they can change their RSVP if they no longer want to attend.
  • A
    Devoted September 2020
    Anna ·
    Call or text them thanking for sending the response card back and inform them kindly that at this time you cannot accommodate a plus one due to budget restrictions. If anything should change, you’ll let them kNOW.
  • Futuremrsv
    Super October 2020
    Futuremrsv ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Please dont do this and say we will let you know to a leaves wiggle room and an open/chance for them to still bring a guest. If you dont want these plus ones or random people at your wedding be firm and tell them the invite was only for them and you arent accommodating anyone else. Imagine telling a guest well we might have room, we might not, but ill let you know...they would totally assume they can bring that person and would keep bugging the bride and groom. Its better to be upfront and firm on what you really want

  • A
    Devoted September 2020
    Anna ·
    View Quoted Comment
    If enough people rsvp no then why not?
  • borntobeabill_2019
    Savvy August 2019
    borntobeabill_2019 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Everyone has rsvp'd yes. It's a small intimate wedding so we know most, if not all, are coming. We budgeted for just the amount of people we invited.
  • Danielle
    Dedicated October 2020
    Danielle ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree. We kinda just went through this talk earlier but over text so idk yet but my moms paying for our wedding and we have a small budget. Since we have gotten engaged, our minimum count is 75 full priced adults at least. We were up to about 72ish. And along the way there has been old co workers who have messaged me asking what’s new ( she works with a bunch of other old co workers who are invited) and she probably heard we’re getting married. We don’t mind her being there, it was just a slip of the mind because we have until October 30th 2020. I also forgot about a family friend who watched me grow up who I don’t see often but have lately. This obviously has brought he guest list to around 80ish because we also pay for like photography and cinematography as guests because they eat and the DJ. One of his groomsmen said he didn’t want a plus one because him and his baby moms is no longer together. So we are giving plus ones to couples and people who may not really know anyone and for the few people who have plus ones as of now may not get a plus one. Nothing is set in place yet but most of our guests will know several people at the wedding if they are single and come alone. By doing that some people see it as rude but I see it as trying to accommodate the people who I do want at my wedding and if you aren’t in a relationship and you know people, then it’s not worth it in the budget to be kind and give a plus one. We most likely won’t know the person very well so I would rather have single guests I do know then have issues over having too many guests then we planned for because of plus ones. I will also be telling people that if there is x amount of spots in your name, the spots are for ( and write each person name) I’m also doing the rsvp thought the wedding website and by giving my phone number because rsvp with envelopes per stamped to send back the card was a little pricey and are mail sometimes doesn’t end up in our box so that’s not good. Plus the website tells you to type in your name and it’ll bring it up and any linked guests so they can click rsvp and stuff. If someone tries to type a name not on your guest list, it’ll say something like sorry guest not found, which is also a good way to make sure that people are just being whoever and if they contact you about it. Just say what PPS have said and say that budget is small and they will know people there and that you hope they will still come! I think most single people except a plus one because they are scared they won’t know anyone and usually in that case people make exceptions for that person!

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