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Merline
Super February 2020

rsvp

Merline, on December 30, 2019 at 10:50 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

My cousin called me when he received his invitation and said "I'm confused, I see that 2 seats are reserved for us. You know we have a 3 year old, right?" I said yes I know you have a 3 year old, but we do not want any kids under 8 because we have a videographer and do not want to run the risk of kids crying, talking, etc during the ceremony. He said okay cool that's fine, we will leave him with my mother (my aunt is not invited because she and my mom do not get along and my mom crossed her name off the guest list). Well I'm guessing his wife RSVP'd for them and left a comment "We are super excited and cannot wait to share this day with you. We will have to bring Liam, he will sit in our lap. I hope this will be ok".

I took the time to write out a FAQ page and even on the RSVP link in bold, it says *due to limited seating no children under 8 allowed*. I sent my cousin the screenshot and he said yeah sorry I will talk to my wife. Well she sent me a long message on FB (she does not have my number) about how she is not comfortable with leaving her child with MIL because the have a rocky relationship, she try will find a babysitter and if not, she and the 3 year old will sit in the car until the reception. I have not responded to her yet because I'm unsure what to say. We cut 2 of FH younger cousins (3 and 5 years old) because we have such a limited number of seats because we wanted a wedding in our budget. His cousin also asked if their kids could sit on their laps and I told FH to tell him no and he understood. I just do not want anyone thinking I gave my family special privileges by letting them bring their children. What would you all do?

I was thinking as RSVPs come in, if we get no's then I would offer those seats to the children. We know all the kids behave very well and know they can get through the ceremony (less than 20 minutes) no problem, we just want to keep the guest count down.

*Sigh*

11 Comments

Latest activity by Merline, on January 3, 2020 at 4:38 PM
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    Stick to your guns. We had no flower girl or ring bearer and also have no kids so we were not budging on no kids. If you really do not want any kids, let them know that you hope they can respect your wishes and still attend but if not, then you understand.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    This is a common problem when you set a random age limit. When it comes to kids, it should be all or nothing. I would tell the couple that unfortunately, children under 8 aren’t allowed for any part of the event and while you hope that they can make it, you understand if they need to decline.
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  • Merline
    Super February 2020
    Merline ·
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    Yeah that is the problem for us. The ring bearer is 3 and will literally be there for the ceremony then leaving. I have a flower girl who is 8 and will stay for both the ceremony and reception.

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  • Merline
    Super February 2020
    Merline ·
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    Yes the age limit is due to the flower girl, who is 8. I will send that message and see how it goes.

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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    Per the "no children" rule, any child in the wedding party is typically the exception. You didn't need to set a random age limit to justify having an eight-year-old flower girl--it's totally fine to have her (and any other wedding-party children) in the wedding without inviting other children. Setting the "no one under eight" limit can also separate families with, say, a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old, which usually leads to issues like this.


    I agree with PP on restating your rule and hoping she can make it.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    You have to be firm. "I'm sorry, cousin's wife, when we said no children under 8, we meant no children under 8 can attend the ceremony or reception. Please let me know if you need help finding childcare."

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  • Maricarmen
    Expert September 2019
    Maricarmen ·
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    Stick to your guns. No means no. I had the same problem with my BIL girlfriend or mother of his children because wanted to bring her mom which I don’t have to nor does my husband. we no longer speak and I’m okay with it.
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  • Molly
    Dedicated October 2020
    Molly ·
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    I do not have any advice but we are having no kids at all at our wedding and multiple people we invited have multiple kids, so i'm really hoping this doesn't happen! i hope things work out!

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  • Theadra
    Devoted June 2021
    Theadra ·
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    I truly understand where you're coming from. We're not having any kids at our wedding because we're on a budget. Luckily, the only little ones are my 4 of my cousins. 2 of them are older (12-14) but my dad's side the other sisters are like 10-12, but I've been told they're picky af with food and thats honestly a waste. So my Uncle is looking to find someone to watch them. They're not really little but it would be a waste of money since they're already picky eaters. And I would feel bad picking one side of my cousins than the other, but it is what it is. But you have to do what is right for you, and if its no kids under 8 with the exception of your FG, so be it. Be Firm!

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  • Laura
    Super September 2020
    Laura ·
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    I would simply tell her that you wished things were different. Don't be surprised if they offer to pay for the kids etc. The stronger argument is that you have already told others that this isn't a workable solution.

    For my wedding, I made room in my guest list for special allowances, but I am having an out-of-state wedding in the evening and everything is intentionally geared toward adults. My website says that due to occupancy rules please let us know if you need to bring children, since the chapel seats only 100 and our guest list has 25 children combined. We want to ensure that all those who wish to attend have the opportunity to do so.


    I agree that age limits pose problems. When my oldest was 8 my youngest was 6 - we'd RSVP not coming - meaning all of us. I think all or nothing is better for those still deciding.

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  • Merline
    Super February 2020
    Merline ·
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    Thanks everyone. I was able to speak to my cousin and his wife. She understood and will have a friend babysit for them.

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