rsvp question

Sorry to hear that you're having this issue! Is it possible to pay for one extra meal just in case this person shows up? And if you were to pay for that extra meal and he doesn't show up, would your venue allow you to take it in a to-go box so you can enjoy it later and so that it doesn't go to waste? If not, then I think your plan of asking him to go order food from the restaurant would be fair. I would give him a heads up by text that if he doesn't RSVP, you will be counting him as a "no" and will not plan for food for him at the reception.

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FH will NOT pay for someone who may not show, so that option is out. I haven't done the last "no answer means no" yet so thanks for that.

Have you asked your caterer this question? If this were to happen, in my own experience most any venue will add a handful of plates last minute, even day of. Sometimes replies are lost in the mail or sent to junk mail or there are circumstances where someone you care about won't be able to let you know ahead of time for good reason. If this is at a restaurant, why would he need to eat solo? Is there no room at any table?

Etiquette would say the most gracious thing to do is to accommodate if at all possible rather than cause a scene, even if the person has been rude enough to just show up. Hopefully it won't happen. Do you actually know he's doing this on purpose?

On another note, with his attitude, did you really have to invite him?

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Do I know he is doing this on purpose? Oh he!! yes. Again, back story waaaaayyyy too long. Our reception is on an outdoor patio of the restaurant, so that is why I thought of him just eating by his nasty ol' self. (sorry not sorry) I will check with the venue this week to see about the last minute accommodation, but I hate to do it - again, he was texted, called and FaceBook messaged, so there is no reasoning or excuses that would be acceptable etiquette wise, imho

I would have FH call him and speak to him directly, if at all possible. If he won’t answer the phone, I would send a very blatant text message that says something to the effect of: I see you have missed the RSVP deadline. In case this was an oversight, you have until X date to let me know that you intend to attend. If I do not hear from you by X date, we will mark you as declined. If you intend to come, please do get back to me so that we can include you in the headcount for our caterer. Once final numbers are turned into the caterer, no changes can be made. Anyone who elects to attend without RSVPing by X date will not have a meal provided at the reception, and will have to purchase their own meal from the restaurant.

P.S. Even without the backstory, your FH’s cousin sounds like a real piece of work. So sorry you’re dealing with this!

View Quoted Comment Of course there’s likrly no excuse for the rudeness on his end. I’m more addressing it from the host perspective of things. Personally, I would not isolate him as some sort of consequence or punishment. Unfortunately, that could end up reflecting on you more than him.

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I agree. Putting him in "timeout" would just make you look bad as the host. Honestly I would just say "having not heard from you, I will put you down as not attending. Unfortunately we won't be able to accommodate unannounced guests and the caterer numbers will be final". Something like that. He's kind of setting the stage for a confrontation, sounds like.

At this point it sounds like it would be better to just uninvite him if he's going to be this rude and purposely cause drama.

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Thanks - I like that wording! And yes, he IS setting the stage for "something" ... either :::shock, poor me, no table no food:::: or :::::I can do what I want, want to fight about it?::::::: And before anyone asks why we invited him, FH's other cousin would be very hurt if this twerk didn't get an invitation. It's complicated <g>

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Yep, set the consequence early for a non-response and stick to it. Honestly, it's really up to your FI to deal with him anyway. His family, his circus.

If they don’t respond to any communication method, count them as a no. If the venue requires security, give them a list of your no responses so they know to not allow entry, because they won’t have a place to sit or a meal.


Having a punishment table as some people suggest doesn’t make you look good as a host. Don’t invite this person to future events and severely limit contact with them since you are not on their priority list.

::::::UPDATE::::::::: Thank you to all who took the time to respond and 'coach'. I finally got ahold of the cousin, and he is NOT coming. From the way he responded, I think he was waiting ... hoping? ... for me to ask why not. I just said "thank you I'll mark you as not attending" and hung up. I feel like a huge brick has been lifted off my shoulders, and now I can plan and get super excited for our fun day. 18 more days !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

View Quoted Comment Glad to hear that you were able to get a definite reply from him! Let the final countdown to the wedding begin!!