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Savvy March 2018

rsvp Plus 1 drama....were we in the wrong?

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tryingtodelete, on March 5, 2018 at 4:25 PM

I've read all the posts about rsvp drama and bam it's happened to us too. FH and I sent our invitations out last week for our wedding in May. I thought we had done really well, we were keeping on top of who was in a relationship (so we could invite the SO by name), gave everyone in our bridal party a plus one, addressed all the invites to everyone invited by name, and we had a line included on the rsvp card saying ____seats reserved in your honor which we pre-filled out incase addressing invites to specific people was no clear enough. Well fast forward a few days and my aunt and adult cousin are causing a huge fit about my cousin not getting a plus one. He's not in a relationship, and when we double checked last he wasn't talking to or seeing anyone (this still had not changed). But they think it's wrong we didn't even give him the chance to bring someone....they now informed us that he wants to bring someone he use to date and her daughter. We are already at capacity for the venue, so we politely told them that we do not have space for anymore guests due to capacity, but if we get declines we could potentially offer him a plus one for her, but not for her daughter (no kids are invited except the 2 that are in the wedding party). My aunt stated yesterday when I saw her that my cousin would not be attending unless he got to bring those 2 people...well I got the rsvp back in the mail today and he crossed out the number on the line that said 1 seat reserved in your honor and wrote three next to it. I don't know what to do at this point, I have no problem giving him a plus one once we get declines and have the space, but it's a no kids wedding and I don't feel I should have to make an exception to this for him (it's not his kid). So WeddingWire any advice? We're FH and I wrong not to give every truly single person a plus one due to capacity restraints? At this point I'm hoping they just don't even show up.

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33 Comments

Dedicated May 2019
Bride2Be · on March 5, 2018 at 5:13 PM
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You're not being rude at all, honestly I would just tell him you're sorry he won't be able to make it. He sounds like drama anyway, I wouldn't want to have to deal with that on wedding day.
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VIP December 2018
Ashley · on March 5, 2018 at 5:28 PM
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Please update once this has been resolved- I’m really interested to know what happens!
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Devoted June 2018
Mrs_Jenkins · on March 5, 2018 at 5:37 PM
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This is what I was thinking!?!?
Like I'm inviting you to celebrate, not run the show.
Sit down. LOL
But that's just me *sips coffee*
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VIP January 2019
Daria · on March 5, 2018 at 5:59 PM
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You're not wrong. I only skimmed the comments but I caught it correctly, you have been VERY generous to add a +1 for him. That's more than I might have done. If you are not allowing kids, it would actually be quite rude to your other guests who have made childcare arrangements, if they were to show up and see this kid there. Let him know his invite is for 1 (or 2 if you are allowing the +1) but that if he shows up with the child they will not be able to enter. Let your DOC or security know, and have someone keep an eye out. Honestly, it sounds like the guy really might just show up, so be prepared to deal with that, and I would absolutely turn him away. The nerve some people have is really appalling.
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Caitlin · on March 5, 2018 at 6:12 PM
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You guys are not wrong! this is your day with your FH don't let their bad attitude ruin it for you! stick to your guns on this. It is not polite for him to insist on bring someone and their CHILD.

I know it can be tough with family but if I were you I would bring in maybe your mother/father who ever's sibling your aunt is and have them be the barrier of bad news. They might carry more weight and wedding planning is stressful enough.

good luck
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Devoted June 2018
teresa · on March 5, 2018 at 6:24 PM
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This is when you pick up the phone and call your cousin and explain to him for the last time that if you receive a declined rsvp he will be allowed to have his plus one. Express to him that this is an adult reception and children are not invited. Also, express to him that you would "TOTALLY" understand if he couldn't make it because he didn't receive a plus one. People are so rude and inconsiderate.
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Savvy March 2018
tryingtodelete · on March 5, 2018 at 6:40 PM
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Thank you everyone! I was worried we had broken etiquette when we tried so hard to cover everything to not have these problems. Talked it over with FH when he got home from work and he saw the rsvp with the crossed out number. FH is so mad, we both agreed to not budge anymore. No means no, and if he can't accept that he will be missed. Thank you again for all the advice!
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VIP October 2017
Cassidy · on March 5, 2018 at 7:04 PM
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As obnoxious as this is- tell him just what a previous poster said. Uncfortuately, we can’t accommodate random plus one and her daughter. If this means you can’t make it, we’ll miss you.

And stick to that. Lady friend and her daughter are not invited. Also depends on how close you are with the cousin. You might ruin the relationship by sticking to it.

But decide what’s more important to you. And also, he’s rude.
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Super September 2018
Janel · on March 5, 2018 at 7:18 PM
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All this! I’d text your cousin and tell him sorry you’re at capacity, but you hope he can still make it.
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on March 5, 2018 at 7:21 PM
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I agree with everyone. Stick to your guns and give a plus one only if you want to. You are under no obligation for a plus two!!!
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Beginner April 2018
Robyn · on March 5, 2018 at 8:01 PM
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I have to say all guest over 18 were sent to them and guest unless we knew there so then It was sent to both. I guess I feel I wouldnt want to go sit at a wedding by myself and I wouldnt want anyone else to. So with that said the daughter is redicoulous but him bringing a date is not. If you don't have room for someone plus one then don't invite them.
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Expert September 2019
Rachel · on March 5, 2018 at 11:52 PM
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He said if you didn't let them come he wouldn't be able to make it?

Drat. How painful to have one less plate to pay for.

Truth be told..... this is such a lame situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. If he refuses to come because they can't be invited, so be it. He is in the wrong and you definitely are not.
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Super July 2017
Sagan · on March 6, 2018 at 12:03 AM
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Echoing all others. You weren’t wrong, stand your ground. Most of us have been there!
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