rsvp For the wedding for children. ?

1 - if you want kids there, then you address the invitation to the "Smith family" or to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Jane Smith and John Smith, Jr."

2 - If they are pregnant now, it is unlikely (though not impossible) that they will have another child by September 2023

3 - The number of children is not going to matter, per se. People who are going to limit themselves because of children aren't going to have a number of children that they limit themselves in front of (that is to say, they aren't going to say "oh, there are only 10 kids here, so I can cut loose, but if there are 11 I can't")

4 - marriage is not a prerequisite for children - but if you want to wait until after you're married, you always have the option of going to the courthouse/justice of the peace

5 - caterers often have a children's menu available that has items like chicken fingers and basic pasta - and frankly, I know a lot of adults who are just as picky or pickier than children and some children will eat just about anything

6 - do you have a venue and caterer? the venue will likely have a limit to the number you can have (fire codes) and the caterer will be able to give you a better idea of the costs for kids plates versus adults plates - the caterer will also be able to tell you at what age kids start being counted as a "plate" - because often the smallest are thought to eat off their parents' plates or not be eating what everyone else is

I agree with everything Becky is saying, and just wanted to add my own experience to this.

I had a fairly small wedding (35 adults) with 5 children under 5 years old. If you are concerned about everyone having fun, especially the parents, then the kids need to to have fun. Otherwise you will get a lot of families leaving early with crying or bored children. Since our wedding was in a park with a lake, that was definitely one source of entertainment-- everyone dipped their toes in the water, and some went swimming. We provided some chalk/chalkboard paper and lot of bubbles. It also made a huge difference that every kid had someone to play with.

I have heard of some brides providing a babysitter at the wedding, and I think this can be a great option if you can afford it.

As Becky mentioned, the catering can come down to age. Since every kid at my wedding was under 5, they were not included in the head count. I'm pretty sure my nephew ate 5 pieces of bread and a piece of cake, while my niece ate salmon off her mom's plate. We did not adjust our menu to accommodate children but I might have considered it with a larger guest list.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I’m definitely doing things for the kiddos like coloring books,glow sticks and maybe little gifts…but it depends on if I have enough money.I don’t make a lot of money for babysitters.I think we will have mix ages for kids,I think in total we almost have 45 kids and maybe 90 adults if they all come.

There's a huge difference between 10 kids and 40 kids. And if 10 couples bring 4 kids each that's how many you'll have. I think you should only invite kids that you know and put their names on the invitation. If you're inviting a couple and their kids aren't a part of your life, no need to invite the kids. If they ask, you can say that you're limiting the children to immediate family and close friends.

Lots of my family and friends have kids and after speaking with a few moms they preferred an adult only celebration so they don’t worry about entertaining their kids during the wedding or from having fun. On my invitation I wrote in the info card “Our wedding will be an adults-only celebration. We hope you can still come and enjoy the night off”. I’m only allowing my 2 bridesmaids to bring their kids since their kids will be flower girls and a ring bearer, so I’m only having 3 children present (ages 3-7). In the end it’s your choice and don’t worry about what others think. Some people will allow all guests to bring their kids and some guests will leave their kids at home. Some brides may only allow the wedding party to bring their kids while others will have an adult only celebration.

Generally the rule of thumb is that kids are an all or none. It wouldn't be far to families to let 2 of their kids come and make them find babysitters for the other 2.

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Oh wow, in the case of 45 kids and 90 adults, I am way out of my depth. I have not been to any weddings with that ratio of kids to adults, so I'm definitely interested to read more replies.

I agree with Katie that convention is all or nothing. You CAN invite some kids and not others (especially if some children are in the wedding ceremony), but I think it would ruffle feathers. If money is a big concern-- and you're right to be careful, things WILL add up-- I might put some feelers out there about having an adults-only event. Accommodating 45 kids could really cost $ and it's a huge added stress. I'm interested to see if anybody else has made this situation work, though.

It was important for us to have a carefree, party vibe where people did not have to limit their drinking, go home early, or watch their language, etc. because children were there. We also did not want to put ourselves in the position of saying certain children were invited and certain others were not, because that is just a recipe for disaster. So we made our wedding adults only. Best decision we’ve made so far!